accounting

Day after day, people fall victim to the evils of accounting. From journalism students taking 209 for their bs degree to accountants who work daily, balancing over and over again—only to find their numbers mysteriously do not add up. Where did those numbers go? How could simply transferring numbers from one column to another result in total chaos?! I’ll tell you how… Satan.

Yes, Satan is in fact an accountant.
Who else would have thought of something so sinister?
Who else would create the unexplainable reasoning of Debits on the left/Credits on the right?

Nicholas Denniston, Preacher of the Religious Right and Texas A&M Graduate of 2002, was the first to open my eyes to accounting’s shady tendencies.

“Satan uses Billy's Video to introduce students into the porn video industry and start them on the path to hell…” He also says that “anyone who sells videos to a cupcake store is obviously a pawn of Satan.”

I’m sure there are many of you out there right now, panicking because you know someone who has weakened to Satan’s power and become an accountant. And to that, there are probably some out there who still can not admit of the power their loved ones have succumbed to. The first step is admitting your weakness to the dark side. After that it is a piece of cake… well, any cake but a cupcake.

Denniston goes on to say “If Person A can treat something as a credit while Person B treats it as a debit, the logical order of the universe fragments and shatters and all that is good dies.”

As the root of all evil in our world today becomes clear to you, do not forget that we are only human and that many of us will have a rendezvous with accounting--maybe even on a daily basis.

I have personally dealt with the pain that comes with accounting.

I am going to go a step further and actually admit to completing Billy’s Video.
I sat night after night, puzzled over my accounting journals and ledgers, desperately trying to get my accounts to balance in the end—doing anything to get those results I wanted.

But afterwards, I didn’t feel the joy people told me I would.
I felt more empty and confused than I did before I began…

But I’m here to share my story of defeat.
I’m here to show everyone that if I can get past this, you can too…
Next time you think it might be helpful to take an accounting class, or to hire an accountant to keep track of your financies-- Remember that all accountants will be working side by side with the CEO of their accounting firm--SATAN.