quitters

I recently quit smoking. It’s amazing when you say that out loud, that “I quit,” part is so strong. Like you had a relationship and it just wasn’t meant to work out between you. Now granted, I still have days where life hits me harder than I would like for it to and there’s nothing I want more than a lovely cigarette. Sure, I may have indulged myself once or twice BUT this time I am not giving in to the temptation. I have quit numerous times, I think I was the type of smoker who was well aware of how bad it was and really wanted to quit but was addicted to something more than just the nicotine.

When I was a smoker, the best part of my day was when I was smoking. It made me relaxed and calm, I knew I could face anything as long as I had that to cling to. I didn’t think anything about the nicotine, that meant nothing, to me that was just something to top off all the coffee and cokes that I had had to drink that day (yes, caffeine has always been the best addiction for me). I used to think that life was great when I smoked, suddenly reality set in.

I would want to go out and I have a thing about smelling good (I think it’s a female thing) and when I was smoking, that’s what you smelled, you didn’t smell the perfume that I had spent so much money on, or the body spray that I was in love with, you smelled the stench that was Camel Lights (I have to confess, those are the best cigarettes). Well, I got tired of knowing that I always had bad breath. I would hate for people that I worked with that smoked to get in my face because their breath was that bad, so that would make me want to have gum and mints readily available to make up for that god awful smelling breath.

I have wished for a long time now that I could back to when I first started smoking and just not done it, but I have learned a lesson about myself in those years that I was smoking. They say that marijuana is the gateway drug; I don’t see it like that. If I hadn’t started smoking cigarettes, I don’t think I would have been compelled to do half of the things that I have done to and with my body. However, I know that I would probably experiment regardless so maybe all that’s just a lie to make me feel better.

With the way cigarettes are now, for a college student, it’s silly to smoke, it’s so damn expensive. I wanted to see how much I saved by not smoking and in an average week, since I would say I smoked like 3-4 packs a week with the average price being around $4.00; I saved almost $20 a week by not smoking. Add that up for a month and that’s $80 that I have to do whatever I want with. When you’re a college student, $80 can go a long way.

Now I don’t want you to think that I think people that smoke are bad, because I know plenty of people that smoke and in fact I’m in love with a smoker, but to each his own I would say. I know that I wanted to change my life and I’m glad that I have and this time around, I think I can really do it. I’m trying my hardest to make sure that I just take this all one day at a time. I don’t think about not smoking for the rest of my life, I take baby steps. I wake up and say, “I’m not going to smoke today,” and that way, it’s not such a complicated task as I once thought. I’m healthier, happier and much better off not smoking than I ever was when I smoked and I can remember when I had friends that quit and I would always say that I would never do it, until now…

I have past my first month of not smoking and I am proud of myself. It’s a hard little habit to break. I remember the first week or so when I would see people smoking and I wanted to run up to them and press my lips to their lips and suck the smoke out of their lungs. Now when I pass them, I just think, I’m glad that’s not me.