"I just downloaded a brazilian body wax, and boy do I feel tidey!"

"When the gap went online, jeans didn't become free!" (when asked about his opinion on napster)

"I'm not a very good human, but I'm a very sexy hobbit!"

(after hearing from Steve that edible underwear tastes like tobacco) "nothin' says romance like a chunk of tobaccii"

Steve:  "Do Ninja turtles have red blood, or is it just ketchup?"
Ed:  "I don't know, I suffocated the one I killed."

Steve:  "I'm gonna ask everyone from the audience with a laser point to take it out and hit Eddy right in the crotch."
Ed:  "None of those hit me, I was just doing that myself."

"It's the new millenium, make out with a stranger!"

"It's the new millenium, the real one for those of you who knew that you weren't one when you were zero."

"We're fortunate that most Americans speak Canadian."

"Tyler does have the weirdest eyebrows."

"I am the God of Fudge!"

"I think it's apparent from our dancing that we've had no training."

(after picking up a grasshopper on stage and accidentally tearing it's leg off)
"I have to apologize for whatever deity is responsible for grasshoppers but he jumped right out of his leg!"

"The record company guy came back and said 'Pinch Me is great, love Pinch Me, Pinch Me it is, but can we change the title?  We feel it's a little light weight for the modern rock audience.'  So we're coming up with new titles, how about Pinch Me biiiittch?"

(upon seeing a large portion of the general admission section empty)
"Ladies and Gentlemen, you'll have to forgive us, we didn't mean for this to happen, you see, they are fumigating that part of the grass over there, which is why there's no one sitting there."

(looking at the logo on the security guards' shirts)
"'Chase Security....' is that an instruction?"

"One Week really changed my life, I used to be the Million Dollars guy, now I'm the chickity china guy."

"We're in a band called Barenaked Ladies, you might remember us from when you used to beat us up in highschool."

"I like it when they throw fish at me, I feel like I'm on the Real World."

"Now THIS is Rock n' Roll!  An absolutely giant iced tea!  I'm gonna get hammered on this, go back to the hotel and wet the bed."

(After a fan threw a stuffed animal crab on stage) "I just got crabs from that guy!"

Steve:  "Hi, my name is Steven, I am front Toronto Canada.  I like fast cars, and fast women.  I like cafeteria food and cafeteria...decorating.  In my spare time I go and decorate cafeterias all around America."
Ed:  "Hi, my name is Ed, and I like Steve...period."

"There's something about being naked with people you know. It's very liberating. Go skinny-dipping with a group of really good friends. It's much more fun than just going swimming with a group of really good friends.  There's some sort of magic intangible about being naked that enhances a moment."

(when asked who his favorite superhero is):  "I'm going to go with Batman. Batman is my favorite superhero.  Actually he has no extraordinary capabilities, other than the fact that he is grumpy. He has no superpowers whatsoever. He's just a physically fit vigilante. And I like that."

"July 1985 I was Employee of the Month at Wendy's in Scarborough, Ontario, Canada. Worked my way, started makin' patties--when they made it fresh back in those days. Then I did grill, side cash, front cash, host, Employee of the Month…then I quit, while I was on top."

When asked how it feels to be a sex symbol "I'm not a sex symbol" ...he has such a great sense of humor

"It’s quite a thrilling experience, really, when you get right down to it. To have a man you just met put gloves on and insert them into you is very thrilling. And I was so excited about it that I asked him if I could keep the two gloves and I brought them here and blew them up and I sent them out around the crowd."

"It's a love song for you, Al [Roker]" -concerning "Pinch Me" on The Today Show

"I think it's apparent from our dancing that we've had no training."

"Fucking hell, it's cold here! and I'm Canadian!"

"I'll save the ship!!! But I couldn't save my pants!"

"Give Kevin his juice!"

"Hi, Mom, it's Ed! Do you know the words to If I Had A Million Dollars?" (he took a cell phone from a girl in the front row)

"Chicken, Chicken, Chicken....tastes great..."

"I found the best sort of solution to that was to stop singing and wet your pants.  You'd be surprised how many situations that'll get you out of. I may do that now."

"Didn't you know?!?! I'm batman!! Just joking"

"Pontiac Sunfire -- Great to drive, tastes great too!"

"Keep listening or I'll slap ya silly!!!"

"Just tell 'em Eddie sent ya, and they'll say: "Huh?"

"Well, I think mostly mean people suck."

"Nobody understood sarcasm till they came up with that little winking guy." ;)

"Nothing makes you feel less like a rock star than sitting outside a movie theatre in Hartford at 1:30 in the morning waiting for a cab"

Steve: "Yes, Ed's still in that stage..."
Tyler: "He's growing hair in unexpected places..."
Ed: "Behind my knees."

"I feel sorry for you! I'm going to make your job pure hell right now!" --to the Sign Language interpreter, during "One Week"

"Surgeon General's Warning: If you're allergic to nuts, stay outta my pants." --Prompted by talking about some nuts backstage, the pistachios basically.

"Don't say you never learned anything at a Barenaked Ladies concert." --after informing everybody in Atlanta that the horse is the land mammal with the largest eye

"I think we give more bang for your buck than Madonna. She'll probably say 'fuck' once and that's it. Here we've already said 'poop' AND 'pee.' She's probably not even going to do 'Like a Virgin' tonight. But WE'RE going to!"
Steve responds and says "I do it like a virgin EVERY night, that's how bad I am!!!"

"Thanks to Sarah Harmer! Be sure to go and pick up her new CD, it's called.... Does anyone know what it's called... I can't remember now.. it's blue, does that help?"

"Big Beaver Road is Exit 69. That fact is *endlessly* amusing!" --in Detroit

"We're just up here keepin' it real and takin' it to a new level. Unfortunately, that level is down."

Ed (talking about his and Kevin's visit to a water park in the afternoon):"Everyone was lined up for the slide on the right because some kid blew chunks on the one on the left"
Steve: "Well, was it a kind of liquidy foam or full on peas and carrots?" (at this point a woman in the audience covered her ears...)
Ed:"We're making her sick! Get a camera on her! Puke! Puke! Puke!"

"Hold on. Folks, when you gotta burp in this song, you just gotta pause for the cause!" --while just starting to sing/rap his part in "One Week", paused and slightly turned away from the mic. Then he continued singing and then stopped again to make this statement.

"Actually, Riki Tiki Tavi is Ricky Tiki Martin's name before he got into showbiz. The powers that be decided that Ricky Tiki Tavi was a little too ethnic."

"It's muggy tonight- not just any muggy, it's that greasy muggy. I feel like i just rolled in pizza."

"that's not music folks, that's science!"-ed at the guiness toast concert

"Everybody get back to class!...unless you don't want to!?"-Ed doin' it Gorillia Style on much more music.

"Everyone's special, crabby!"

"I don't know about you, but I'm not eating anything my dog's been rollin' in!"

When discussing how Maroon is different from BNL's other records:
"I kind of had a second goal that came to me late in the record that was, I took some advice from our friends in the Bloodhound gang and I wanted to make it horny now.  I think the record ended up quite horny, and I'm excited by that."
The quotable Mr. Robertson
Have a humorous Ed quote that I'm leaving out?