Chapter 31
Her last day began with a nudge. “Gennie, darlin’, wake up. I’m hungry. Let’s eat.” She was so tired, but figuring time with him awake was worth more than time with him asleep, she reluctantly rolled herself out of bed, threw on some jeans and sleepily followed him downstairs to the restaurant. They were escorted to their table in the corner and gave the waitress their order.
“I figure that by getting here before everyone else, we can eat in peace.” He meant that they would beat the MTV people. That was the one good thing about Gennie’s departure; Jack and Tony were leaving too. “So today’s your last day. It’ll be strange not having you around.”
“It’ll be strange waking up in my own bed tomorrow morning.”
“You’ll never sleep better, though. Being on the road really makes you appreciate your own bed.”
“Yeah, I guess. I’m not too thrilled with going back to work. Everything is gonna seem dull now.”
He smiled and took a drink of coffee. “You’ll adjust. Besides it’s only like two weeks until you come to Buffalo.”
“A lot can happen in two weeks.”
“Uh, yeah. That’s something I need to talk to you about.” He fidgeted nervously with a sugar packet. “We’ve been extraordinarily…um….careless.”
“Yes, we have.” She wondered what his take on it would be. Often, things that seem like great ideas at the time, in retrospect seem so senseless.
“I mean, it was great, don’t get me wrong, but it presents some complications.”
“Don’t worry. We have options. Like I said last time, we’ll be Ok.”
“Sure. I realize that. But, well, I want you to know that…whatever happens, y’know, I’m going to be there for you. I know I said that before, but you’ve gotta know that I really mean it. I’ll own up to my responsibility.”
“I appreciate you saying that.” She really did. Etiquette didn’t actually dictate how to tell a rock star that he was going to be a father. His opening the door, at least, made it a little easier if that became necessary.
“And that I think…um… it was worth it.” He looked up from the sugar packet that he had folded so many times that it was on the verge of expelling its contents. He gave her a shy smile that spoke volumes.
“Look, don’t worry about it unless it really is a problem. When I gain 100 pounds and have a fifty-inch waistline… then we’ll see if you still think it’s worth it,” she smiled. ‘Or if I do’ she thought.
He looked into her eyes. “It was,” he responded confidently.
“I’m glad you think so.” She wasn’t sure she could feel as confident about it as he did, but she knew she was just as guilty. She did nothing to stop him last night so she couldn’t blame him. But if she were, in fact, pregnant, it would mean something much different to her than to him.
************
On her last morning, Gen found herself picking up the remains of the past week. While John did telephone interviews with people in far away cities she’d never even been to, Gen gathered up the bits and pieces of the past few days. Items that had been scattered around the room, her new leather dress and shoes, the toys for Stacey’s kids, the box with her necklace, all were packed up and ready to go. She sat on the bed feeling melancholy. She couldn’t believe her week had gone so quickly. And what a week it had been. She wished she could stay just one more day, and she could, too, it was only Friday. But he hadn’t offered, so she didn’t push. She was scheduled to leave on an 11:00 p.m. flight, which meant that she wouldn’t even get to stay for the whole show.
The more she thought about leaving, the more depressing it became. She listened in while Johnny talked on the phone. Nothing interesting, of course, but at least it killed some time. He was sitting in a chair by the bed with his feet propped up on the windowsill. He didn’t notice her watching him as she studied his reactions: The manner in which he rolled his eyes and silently groaned when he answered a stupid question for what seemed like the millionth time. The way his face lit up when he talked about things he loved. How he would sometimes catch himself starting to say something the censors wouldn’t appreciate and then try to change it before it completely left his mouth. He had a charming method of gesturing and nodding as if they could actually see him. She was really going to miss him.
She wondered how long they would keep this affair going. She knew she had two more weeks till her long weekend in Buffalo, but what about after that? Would they keep in touch? Did she want them to? Of course, she did, but how practical was that, really? Robby was right. All this crap that surrounded him made it really difficult to have a relationship. It was fun a lot of the time, but it would lose its thrill pretty quickly. It was, in fact, a liability. The man was overjoyed to be eating an Egg McMuffin in McDonalds, for Christ’s sake! They couldn’t go out on ordinary dates even if the two thousand miles that separated them weren’t an issue. She, herself, had already grown tired of all the people that would approach him when they went out. Nearly everywhere they went, if they weren’t being hassled by fans, or by people who merely knew who he was and wanted to say ‘hi’, they were gawked at mercilessly. She hated it. He almost didn’t notice it. She could only imagine it was because it was so commonplace in his life that it was second nature. She didn’t think she could live that way and she felt for him, she really did. It was like he was a helpless exhibit in a lab; stuck behind a piece of glass and forced to live his life trying to ignore the prying eyes of the people who kept him alive. He would hate her pity, but she couldn’t help it; she wanted to shield him from that, but there was no way for her to do it. She had to remind herself that he was a commodity. He was selling it himself right now. He chose to put himself behind that glass- it was a symbiotic relationship. The most Gen could ever do for him would be to make that glass cell more comfortable. She thought about his ex-wife. What little she knew of her, she had come along before they’d hit it big and had been very supportive of his career. But Gen always assumed for some reason, that he’d ended the marriage or that, at best, it was mutual. And maybe it was. But from what she was thinking now, she wondered if maybe she, too, hadn’t grown tired of the gawkers, the reporters, the cameras, the girls, and decided to free herself- to climb out from behind the glass. It seemed like a very likely conclusion at the moment.
A knock at the door ripped her from her thoughts. John gave her an apologetic shrug as he tried to end the call. It was almost time for them to go to the sound check. Gen went to the door to find Mike standing there.
“Gennie, we’ve got to get going. Can you tell John that we’re gonna take the bus and he can come with you later. Someone’s gonna be here in a few minutes to get your stuff for you.”
“No problem. I think he’ll be off the phone in a minute.”
“So, are you all ready to go?” he smiled. “I can’t believe that the time has gone so quickly.”
“Me either.”
“One thing I won’t miss is those damn cameras. I’ll be more than happy to see them leave tonight.”
“Me too. It’ll be nice not to have to worry that every move I make is going on TV.”
“Yeah, tell me about it. We’re all gonna miss you, though.”
“Thanks, Mike. That’s nice.”
“Hey, no problem.” He started for the elevator. “We’ll see you guys in a few, OK?”
She heard John hang up the phone as she shut the door. “Hey, are they leaving?” he asked.
“Yeah, they’re taking the bus and you’re supposed to come with me.” There was another knock at the door. This time it was the guy to get her luggage. John told him which pieces to take and they left.
They went straight to the sound check. John brought a stool on stage for her to sit beside him while he ran through his set. She’d never seen it from this angle. It was amazing, even with empty seats. She couldn’t imagine the high they must get when every seat was filled with adoring fans. He would lean over occasionally and give her a quick kiss while he played, not really caring if Jack or Tony or their cameras caught it.
When it was over, Robby trotted up behind her, putting his hands on her shoulders. “So are you ready to play journalist?”
She made a mortified face, “Ready as I’ll ever be, I guess.”
“Well, c’mon. We’re gonna do it back here.” He waived an arm for her to follow him. John stayed on stage for a few more minutes talking to a tech about a problem with one of his guitars.
They found a quiet, out of the way area and took a seat. While Jack and Tony set up their equipment, Gen showed Mike and Robby her list of questions. “Let me know if they really suck, Ok?” she implored them. “And if there’s anything you think I should add, tell me.”
Robby nodded as he checked them out. “They look good to me. Not too difficult. I think MTV’ll like ‘em.”
She turned to Jack, “We never really discussed how you want this to go. Am I supposed to ask each of them, or just put it out there?”
“Just put it out there. If we don’t get something, we can go back and do it later.” He looked at Mike and Robby. “I’m counting on you guys to speak up and not let him,” he shook his head John’s way, “do all the talking for you. I know he tries, I’ve seen him do it.”
“Sure,” said Mike. “Whatever,” replied Robby simultaneously.
John approached and took a seat, “Are we ready?”
They all got wired up with microphones and the crude lighting was set so they looked their best. When all was in place, Gen began nervously. “Ok, this is a question I came up with after spending a week with you guys. Would so many boys want to be rock stars if they really knew how boring this is?” They laughed.
Mike actually spoke up first. “Boring! You think what we do is boring?”
Then John answered through his laughter, “Y’know, it’s not always what I imagined when I was 10, but it is sometimes. You’ve never been on stage. That’s what it’s about. So of course there’ll always be teenage guys out there wantin’ my job.”
“Yeah,” Robby responded, “It hasn’t always been this cushy where it could be boring. We’ve got it good now. But, you know, the dream is still out there for every kid. And it’s always gonna be,” he shrugged.
John ended with a teasing smile, “But I like boring. Boring’s good too.”
“Describe how it feels to be on stage with ten or twenty thousand fans, mostly girls, screaming for you.” She really wanted to hear the answer to this. She’d never really asked them before because in their off time, just like in hers, she hated to discuss work.
“Incredible. Indescribable. Loved,” was Robby’s reply. Mike nodded in agreement, and added with an ironic smile, “They’re mostly screaming because of him,” pointing out John.
“Not entirely, man. Lots of ‘em just want me to shut the fuck up and play. That’s why they’re screamin’.”
Gennie giggled as she pushed him to illuminate more. “Well? What’s it like, either way?”
“It’s nice, y’know. For a little while when I’m up there, all my problems seem to be, like, gone y’know. So it’s cool. It makes me feel like I’ve done something worthwhile and that I’m not a total fuck up after all. And the fact that they’re girls…women,” he smiled, “doesn’t suck. That’s why guys dream of being rock stars. That part, being on stage, has never once been boring. Strange, maybe, but never boring.”
“Ok. Next question. What do you do to relieve the boredom of being on the road for so long?” They laughed and let out fake embarrassed coughs.
“Uh, you didn’t see the magazine stash on the bus, did you?” John joked.
“Trust me, you don’t want to know what some people do,” Mike insisted with a playful smile.
“Yeah, that question is getting a little personal for some people,” Robby laughed.
“No, c’mon, really. You weren’t doing that when I was around,” she giggled.
“Well, no!” John declared incredulously. “Not while you were there!”
Mike finally answered with some degree of seriousness. “While Rzeznik’s holed up in the toilet, I go running, or try to anyway. Robby reads. Real books, not just the crap this guy keeps.” He nodded toward John. “And we watch a lot of TV.”
“Oh, yeah, our bus has satellite TV, so it’s really cool. We watch lots of, I don’t know, History Channel, or Comedy Central, or HBO, that kind of stuff. Johnny doesn’t know what he’s missin’.”
“Geez, dude, shut up! People are gonna think I’m some pervert. I don’t want my sisters callin’ me going ‘Johnny what the hell are you doin’? You’re sick!”
Though Gennie was in the middle of a giggle fit, she somehow managed to get out the next question. “What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned from being on the road all these years?”
They sat thoughtfully for a few moments before Robby spoke. “Man, I don’t know. It’s probably a different one every day. I guess it would be to never take it for granted, you know. This is all a gift, really. We’ve been so lucky, but I try to remember everyday where I came from, you know, not all that many years ago. And that there’s still a lot of guys out there trying to get where we are right now. You’ve got to try to keep your head on straight. There are so many young guys who get these amazing attitudes when things go good for them, and ultimately, I think, it fucks them up. I’ve seen it and I know that’s not the way to be.”
“Yeah,” John chimed in, “Y’know, I know it’s cliché, but I wake up every morning, and I think how grateful I am to be where I am. It’s really afforded me some excellent opportunities that I couldn’t have done if we’d never left Buffalo.” He paused, then added, “And, I think another big one is that we’ve learned to play better. We’re better as musicians. Spending so much time on the road, doing one show after another, for so many years we kinda got better at it. Ya can’t suck forever, y’know. I don’t have to hide behind the volume anymore.”
“Well, that’s good, I guess. So tell me which show is better, the first of the tour or the last?”
“The last show is always the best. I think anyone’ll tell you that,” John shrugged.
“But,” Robby interjected, “there is something about the first show, too though. It’s so full of anticipation and optimism that, while it’s good to get it out of the way, it’s also got a lot of excitement to it, you know, kicking off the tour. Lots of energy there.”
“Yeah, but we try to always do our last show back home in Buffalo, y’know, so there’s so much energy and excitement at those shows that it can’t compare to anyplace else.”
“True, and it’s also nice to be done. You know when you finish that last song, you can walk out of there a free man.” Robby laughed, “Sort of.”
“Sure, and knowing you can go back home to your life again and try to be normal. There’s nothing like getting the fuck away from that bus you just spent the last six months of your life sleepin’ in.”
Finally Mike spoke. “But, it’s sad too. You hate to see it end. As horrible as touring can be, it’s fun playing to the crowds. You miss that when you’re sitting on your couch watching CNN at two in the afternoon, eating your ham sandwich.”
“Now tell me what you miss most when you’re away.”
They looked at each other in agreement. “My own bed!” John smiled. “And lots of other shit, too. But that’s the big one. I hate hotel rooms. They suck!”
“Friends, family, pets- that kind of stuff too,” Robby added.
John looked at Gennie, “Maybe we should ask you the same question. You’ve been out here a while. What’d you miss?”
“Um, I guess my friends…Sashimi and Mojo Jojo. And, yeah, my bed.”
Robby shook his head, “Wait, you miss sushi and the Powerpuff Girls? What’s with that?”
“No, dude,” John playfully punched him in the arm. “They’re her cats. She told us about that earlier, remember?”
“Whatever, man. That must be privileged information cause I don’t remember that.”
“Alright, back to the questions. So what’s the first thing you’ll do when you get back home?”
Robby laughed, “Probably laundry. Then maybe just hang out for a few days and do nothing. It’s nice just to be home and remember where you keep everything. Maybe make a few phone calls to people I haven’t kept up with while we were gone. That kind of stuff.”
Johnny winked almost imperceptibly at Gen. “I’m gonna go to bed for, like, two days straight. I mean never get out of that bed for a couple of days, y’know.” He turned to Mike who’d been silent. “What about you, Mike? What do you do?”
“Uh, probably go see my girlfriend.”
“Oh. Well that’s cool, I guess,” John nodded approvingly. “Ok next question, Gen. We’re out of witty things to say.”
“Ok, what’s been the best moment of this tour?”
Robby looked at her with a big smile. “Well, sweetheart, this is it right here! Couldn’t ask for a better time than this one.”
Gen laughed at his comment. “No, Rob, really.”
“Well, it’s hard to say one specific moment. There are lots of nights when the crowd is great, and we played great and it just feels like, ‘Man, I love my job!’ Will that work for ya?” he chuckled.
“Works for me,” she smiled. “What about you Mike?”
“I gotta say Rob’s right. There’s lots of nights that are cool. But one moment that was the best? I guess playing my hometown…or maybe Dallas. That place is like home to me too. It’s always great when your friends are there.”
She looked at John and hoped he didn’t give this question back to her, she laughed to herself, because she didn’t know what she’d tell him. She couldn’t exactly say ‘well, the time you dressed me up in leather and had me up against the wall wasn’t bad.’
He stared back at her, eyebrow raised. To anyone else, he appeared to be thinking, but to Gen it looked like he was giving her the eye. “Y’know, there was a night…” he let the sentence trail off, then started laughing. “I tell ya, the best hasn’t happened yet, y’know. It always gets fun at the end. I’m lookin’ forward to playin’ Buffalo. So, there ya go.”
“Ok. Only two left, we’re almost done,” she smiled. “What’s the best thing a fan has ever done for you?”
“Bought our albums!” Robby laughed.
“Well, yeah. That’s the best thing, y’know. Obviously,” John insisted as he ran his fingers through his hair. “But, uh, fans are always doing crazy shit for us. We get lots of gifts from fans.” He looked at the camera, “Thank you, by the way,” he smiled. “We love our fans, y’know, they’re usually pretty cool. But the best things people did for us had to be way back, when we had nothin’. So many people bailed our asses out over the years. We wouldn’t be here now if it weren’t for them.”
“Are you ready? This is the last one! What question do you wish interviewers would ask, but never do?”
“Would you like me to leave you alone and just skip this interview all together?” Mike laughed.
John started laughing, “Yeah, ‘Are you every bit as gifted and talented as I’m going to say that you are?’ No, I don’t know. I get asked so many stupid questions that I wish they wouldn’t ask, that I never really think about what I wish they would ask. Just something not dumb.”
“Gen, I think you just asked it! So we’re done now,” Robby grinned.
“We are! Thanks guys. I mean it. Thanks for everything. You’ve been great! I’ve had the best week ever.” She hugged each of them and said a personal thank you and started to get teary eyed, particularly when she got to John.