You see what we did there??
		One of our most favourite (and gradually becoming famous) pastimes here at Flat Thirteen is to piss about wi words and apply them to names and stuff, coz we are such literal geniuses (and sad really). And as people feel they are such an example of pure geniusness we felt we had to share some of them with you. Now the idea is, we just sit there in a room bored shitless and we spout off the most random stories ever just so that...oh sod it, you'll just have to try n work out where we're goin wi these....
	There was this sheep right? And the farmer decided that its coat was too thick so he said to his assistant, Claire.."shear her!" (Alan Shearer) Then, his assistant notices that its coat was a really boring colour so she said."Lets die her!" (Kieron Dyer) to which the farmer responded "No, we can't do that, that'd be a sin, Claire!" (Trevor Sinclair). So, she just led it to the barn through the wood gate! (Jonathan Woodgate). Then, the farmer's son arrived and decided that the best course of action was to simply shoot the sheep! However, his father was against this and said "no, you can't do that, have a heart, son!" (John Hartson) There was this Ford Transit that kept breaking down. The problem was its exhaust pipe, this kind of mist kept coming out of it. So its owner called the AA, who ex liverpool manager Roy Evans happened to work for, to come sort it. When he got to the Transit at the roadside, you could hardly see anything by now. It was just a load of van mist, and Roy! (Ruud Van Nistlerooy). Then, when the Transit was fixed it seemed to develop a mind of its own, and it was actually quite evil. In fact, it used to go round molesting animals. One night it was eventually caught in a field and all the press were there and everything! The next days headlines read 'Van Bonks Horse'!! (Giovani Van Bronkhorst) There was this pig who got admitted into a mental asylum when it tried to commit suicide. But, after tests, the doctors came to the conclusion that the pig wasn't actually mentally disturbed, just very depressed. So, the doctors had to compile a report in which they stated that the pig is a 'sad ham who's sane'!! (Saddam Husain). So, they put the pig on anti-depressants and it got better. So much better in fact that it got a job as a hairdresser. It opened its own shop called 'Perming Ham'!! (Birmingham) But THEN! It got ill again! Everytime it ate it was sick and had really bad stomach pains so it went to the doctors. After xrays they actually found that the poor old porker had a twisted stomach. According to the doctors, a twisted stomach in a pig is known as a 'Knot in ham'!! (Nottingham) Somebody broke a pint glass last night. And while the cleaner was cleaning it up, some lads came near and she said "stop! Its dangerous around here with all this glass, go!!" (Glasgow). This pissed the lads off and they were discussing the possibility of her being a transexual! One of them was convinced of it coz she had no tits so he said to the others "Look! She's got a man chest, her!" (Manchester) She heard what they said though and threw water all over this one lad, giiving him lots of black burns all over him! (Blackburn) which THEN pissed the lads off again! So, one of them shouts "Oi bitch! That was uncalled for, we were only joking, there was no need to burn Lee!!" (Burnley) There was this woman called Annie who had no hair! She was known as 'Wig Anne!' (Wigan) There was this conspiracy where burglars were getting animals to hide their stolen goods! Once, this pair of cons stole a million quid and needed somewhere to hide it. So, 1 said to the other "let the shrews bury it!" (shrewsbury)
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