THE TEN UNI COMMANDMENTS

Now for those of you thinking of going to University and are hoping to be successful, or for those of you who are at University and you really are dieing on your feet (see if things went to plan ud be led on the floor in a drunken heap), these special Ten Commandments have been put together by Flat Thirteen for your guidance. Follow these and you cannot go wrong.

BEHOLD THE SACRED RULES OF FLAT THIRTEEN

1. Thou shalt not have no other lagers before Stella

2. You shalt not make yourself an idol of anything resembling 'Lord of the Ringpulls : The Two Towers' as its glory cannot be imitated

3. Thou shalt not misuse the name of Sizzlers

4. Remember the student night by keeping it holy, 6 days shall be normal price, but by student night they shall be 70p

5. Honour thy donner meat and thy chips

6. Thou shalt not murder the good jokes

7. Thou shalt not pull the minging one

8. Thou shalt not steal the uncool pint glasses

9. Thou shalt not stitch up your best mate with a minger

10. Thou shall not crave the low alcohol content lagers