This time there's no gettin pissed before they set off so they enjoy a nice, quiet summers walk down to the Milton pub, commenting on life's finer things such as pretty birds (of the feathered variety) and classical music. This then turns into an argument of how gary managed to forget his sleeping bag ("its a challenge" Gaz claims, "its not a challenge, its a fuckin pain in the arse" replies Fretters) and why his shoe laces keep coming undone. On arrival at the pub, they somehow manage to make the bouncers think they are pissed resulting in them saying to Fret "no, usually we'd make u sign your mate in but you can just go through" in a very patronizing voice. So its over to the Virtua Tennis machine thay manage to draw a croud (by telling everybody that they knew a cheat that turns the tennis players into female porn stars....). Fret gets involved in a conversation with some random girl standing next to him without realising that its the scary 'man like' girl he pulled back in his single days. This shock makes him mess up and they lose again.
After muchos Stellaos is drunk and Gaz triumphantly loses the 'whos gona win the champions league final' bet by actually betting on a team who was knocked out about a month ago, its off to Varsity, the home of the famous fire exit they casually walked through last time (the 1 that led to a more dangerous and confined space than where the fire would be). This time there's no breaking an entry and they quickly leave - after Gaz woefully asks the barmaid for a 'pint of her passion' to see what she'd say - so they can find other fire exits to walk through. This quest leads them to Weatherspoons where they are inexplicably charged a fiver for 2 drinks (they'd just been paying £1.80 in the Milton). No fire exits, or anything really here and before they know it they are in Sizzlers, the legendary kebab shop. Gaz isn't hungry so he doesn't eat his kebab. They both then realise that it probably would have been better for him not to buy one at all. But, hey, its in the past now so they decide that it'd be best to put this incident behind them. However, this does not please the guy sitting behind them who is now covered in chilli sauce.
They walk out of Sizzlers armed with a bottle of vinegar the guy behind the counter had 'given' them. Fret asks for a swig of Gaz's fanta totally unaware that Gaz has filled it with the vinegar. You can work out the rest. Gaz, at first in fits of laughter, is then worried by Fret's oscar winning 'im dying coz iv just drunk a loada vinegar' act as he lies on the floor seemingly foaming at the mouth. But, to Gaz's relief, he gets up, points and laughs at Gaz and legs it round a corner to hide from him. Round this corner is a big industrial bin which is perfect for hiding behind...apart from the fact that there's another big industrial bin behind it. Fret does not see this second bin and walks straight into it, stabbing himself in the neck. Normally this would be the worst pain he's ever experienced (apart from when he was assaulted by a bowling ball maching) but he's pissed and doesn't notice the huge hole in his neck till the next morning.
They then find one of them 'police help' buttons in town. Fret spots a moving tree in the distance and immediately presses the button. Some sort of siren goes off and the guys quickly make their exit and find themselves on a canal bridge. Fret drops his phone and whilst picking it up spots a strange yellow substance approaching him from above. He then realises that this is the result of Gaz taking it upon himself to relieve himself over the side of the bridge but its spurting everywhere . Fret gets out of the way and remembers the bit from 'Me Myself and Irene' where that guys piss is going everywhere after he'd been shagging....'hmm very suspicious' he thinks. He then thinks 'wow! a chicken cow with the head and body of a dog!'
On the way home they somehow acquire a traffic cone (which is carried 2 lamposts at a time each), 1 and a half cds and a loaf of bread. The traffic cones is strategically places between The Two Towers along with the cds and they they decide that the best option now is to 'bread jamie's door'. Fret bangs on J's door for about 10 minutes untill Gaz reminds him that he's in York for 2 weeks and they then find some pins from somewhere and proceed to pin slices of bread to the door.
Then, after Gaz phones his missus and Fret tells her not to worry because 'Stone Henge is still there' its off to bed Gaz lies on the floor coz of his non existant sleeping bag, a decision he would later regret. Fret wakes up in total agony because he seems to have slashed his neck open somehow...