¡°Who here wants to be class president?¡± the teacher asked. It was again election time and everybody in the class was checking each other out with daring eyes. A voice inside me was screaming, ¡°Go out! Come on, you always wanted to be class president!¡± This voice was strong but for whatever reason I¡¯m not quite sure, I stayed in my seat. The first student came out. ¡°Okay, Ji-ho will be candidate number one! Are there any more candidates?¡± The voice was urging stronger, ¡°What are you waiting for? You chicken?¡± ¡°No!¡± I would insure myself, ¡°I¡¯m just waiting it out, you know? I¡¯ll go out. You¡¯ll see.¡± Gradually one student after another timidly moved forward. There were four candidates in total and then the teacher began receiving recommendations on who would be a good candidate. I was pleading inside, ¡°Please pick me, please pick me!¡± But no one did. I was frustrated at my legs for refusing to stand up and the voice that was constantly screaming in my head causing my adrenaline rate to surge, making me all anxious and jittery inside. In total, there were six candidates but I was not one of them. The voice had its final word, ¡°I knew it you wimp. You don¡¯t have the guts to do anything.¡± I lowered my head in shame.
Yep, this is the person I am, or was actually, and a part of me still is. I also had difficulty expressing my affection. A beautiful girl would pass by. She was the girl I always dreamed of, but for whatever reason, after taking a glance, I would pretend to not know of her existence. I don¡¯t know, maybe it was because of the rumor that girls didn¡¯t like boys who showed too much interest or maybe it was simply because I was afraid that she would know I liked her and reject me. Even if one of my friends showed an interest in the same girl, I would pretend that all was cool, and that it didn¡¯t matter to me. I would just go along with my friends teasing the guy and daring him to make a move when actually I was secretly wishing that I was the one in his position. I abhorred the force that hindered me from doing the things I so wanted to do and began regarding it as my enemy number one.
Looking it all back, my life was full of regret. Due to this enemy, I lost so many good opportunities and chances that were right in front of me, just waiting to be grasped. I knew I had to change my attitude someday but I didn¡¯t know how and where to start. It was not until the tenth grade of high school that I finally faced this enemy which led to a change within me.
It was the time when the annual speech contest in our high school was nearing. Determined to change my attitude, I mustered all the courage inside me and signed up to participate in the contest. It was easy signing up, but then I had to think about what to talk about. I contemplated on for what seemed like hours. Then it hit me. This was a great opportunity to talk about what actually motivated me in making a speech in the first place, my enemy! Then I began thinking further, what word would best describe my enemy? Although this enemy was much too complicated to be defined in just one word, I decided that ¡®fear¡¯ would best describe it. Then I began writing on how fear works, how it hinders us from our full potential and how it influenced me. I was thinking of wrapping it up by saying that I was facing my greatest fear right then and there by talking in front of the audience. Imagining myself giving the speech made me pretty proud of myself until I realized that it was much easier written than said. I was terrified at the thought that I would actually have to stand in front of that podium and say what I had to say.
As the day of the contest drew near, my anxiety grew with it. As I feared, the day finally came, and soon it was my turn to speak. Walking up to the podium was the hardest for me. I looked at the audience and was amazed by how many students were actually in our school. I was nervous at first, but surprisingly, after a few minutes, the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach disappeared. I gave my speech in the way I imagined without any stuttering. After all the contestants gave their speeches, it was time to announce the winners. Guess my surprise when I heard that I was second place! I was stunned and more importantly proud at myself for overcoming my enemy.
From then on, standing in front of public and expressing my opinion became so much easier. The big lump that used to come up in my throat whenever I tried to say something disappeared. I found myself being increasingly active in school activities. I joined the drama club and played Romeo in a school play; I ran for the honor committee and became vice president; and finally I was able to run for class president, something I had failed to do for so long. Still, occasionally, I face my enemy. For instance, in English literature class, even when I have an opinion or know the answer to what the teacher is asking (which is rare), I find it hard to speak. The words come up to my mouth but are swallowed down again, not having a chance to come out. Yes, it¡¯s not entirely gone and I guess it will always exist inside me. The battle between myself and the enemy will rage on but now I am confident that I can be the one in control.