Anyone remember Mark Wilson on the Cher Show? Now it's Melinda on the Britney
Spears Show!
As ever - send me feedback,
or suggestions for future parts.
Britney grinned, and strode out to the front of the stage. She waited for the
audience's applause to die down, then frowned.
"My special guest this evening was meant to be Melinda, First Lady of Magic,
but unfortunately she hasn't turned up yet." There was a chorus of disappointed
noises from the audience. "I know, but I'm sure we can..."
"Excuse me?" Britney turned to face the source of the enquiry, a man
in a UPS uniform.
"Can I help you?"
"I've got a delivery for one Britney Spears?"
"That's me!" Shrugging to the audience, Britney crossed to the delivery
man.
"Sign here please." He passed over an oversized envelope, nearly three
feet by two, and strode away.
"I wonder what it is?" Britney quickly ripped it open. "It's...cardboard."
Looking confused, the singer held up the folded sheets of cardboard. "Some
kind of box...there's a note. Bear with me folks." As Britney began to
examine it, Melinda's voiceover read it to the audience.
"I'm really sorry, Britney, but I missed my flight. To make up for it,
I've sent you a surprise in the box enclosed. Just open it out, and you'll see!"
Britney quickly opened out the cardboard, and was left with a 3ft high cardboard
box. She folded down the lid, and stepped back.
There was a flash of light, a puff of smoke, and Melinda burst out of the box.
The audience applauded loudly, and Britney clapped delightedly.
"Wow, Melinda that was amazing! Where did you come from?"
"Las Vegas," deadpanned the magicienne, "and flying freight is
no fun, let me tell you!"
As the audience dutifully laughed, the title sequence took the screen, finally
cutting back to Britney and Melinda standing down amongst the audience.
"Tonight Melinda's appearing on the show - literally! It's great to have
you on the show."
"It's great to be here!"
"I should 'fess up now - I had an aulterior motive for asking you to come
along tonight."
"Oh?"
"It's no secret that I always wanted to be a singer when I was little,
but what a lot of people don't know is that I also really wanted to be a magician!"
"I know that feeling." grinned Melinda.
"I was kinda hoping you might help me to try my hand at being a magician."
"Sure! What sort of magic would you like to try?"
"Well, I always wondered how magicians did those big illusions, like sawing
a woman in half."
"Sounds like a good place to start! It just so happens I brought a special
version of that very illusion along with me!"
"Thank heavens for that! Otherwise this script would have been going nowhere!"
As the audience laughed, Melinda and Britney back into the centre of the stage,
and a stagehand moved something onto stage.
"I like my illusions to be bang up to date - with this version, you can
actually saw a woman in half standing up!"
The illusion consisted of a narrow vertical cabinet, about as tall as the women,
and a small table, about half as high, set at one side. There was a styilised
female shillouette on the front, with cutouts for the face, one hand and the
feet.
"What do you think? Want to give it a try?"
Britney nodded enthusiatically, then frowned.
"Hang on, don't we need someone to be sawn in half?"
"Well, you wanted to be the magician didn't you?" Britney nodded.
"Sawing yourself in half is all the rage these days. I do it, David Copperfield
does it. Seigfried and Roy saw each other in half, but that's just them!"
Amidst the laughter, Britney nodded.
"Okay, sounds good to me. What do I have to do?"
"First, see the knife on the little table? Get that." Britney lifted
up the knife - showing the large, shiny blade to the audience. "Check it
all over, make sure it's solid." Melinda grinned. "Get your fingerprints
all over it, just in case!"
"It certainly seems solid. Not to mention...ow!" Britney sucked her
finger. "Sharp!"
"I wouldn't worry," Melinda smiled, "in a few moments that'll
be the least of your worries!" She pointed to a small opening, where the
table abutted the cabinet. "You slide it into there." Britney did
so, and Melinda slowly turned the whole thing around. "As you can see,
the blade comes all the way through, and comes out here."
With Melinda holding the doors open, Britney squeezed sideways into the box.
"It's a very tight fit." Britney twisted around, lining her face up
with the cutout. "I can barely move in here."
"That's the idea!" Melinda closed the doors over, latching them shut,
and moved around to the front of the illusion. "We better check you're
all in place." She swung open the two front panels, and Britney waved to
the audience. "I guess this is your tummy!" Melinda raked her nails
over Britney's bared midriff, drawing giggles from the singer. "And these
must be yours too!" She repeated the exercise on Britney's knees, causing
her to shake her legs.
"Hey! Stoppit!"
Swinging the panels closed again, Melinda moved to the side of the illusion.
"If you remember, we put that sharp blade just to the side of your waist,
and you're in place, inside the box. Now all you have to do is cut yourself
in half!"
Britney looked at her wide eyed.
"How do I do that?"
"Easy! Just move to the side." Melinda pointed towards the little
table, with the knife between it and Britney. The singer looked unsure.
"I don't know..."
"Want me to give you a hand?" The magicienne moved around to stand
beside the table, and reached out to take hold of the side of the cabinet. "Tell
you what, I'll pull from outside, and you push from inside. Okay?"
"I guess so..."
"1... 2... 3!"
Melinda pulled smoothly towards herself. The top half of the cabinet jerked
an inch to the left, and stopped. Britney squealed in surprise.
"Ow! I think that's as far as it..." Her eyes went wide, her mouth
dropping open, as Melinda continued to pull. The top the cabinet resumed it's
sideways motion, the knife apparently slicing smoothly through Britney. With
a click it locked into place, and Melinda reached around to open the front panels.
"1 and 2! Ladies and Gentlemen, Britney the magician!" As the audience
burst into applause, Britney stared down in amazement. The top half of her body
rested on the small table, next to her lower torso and legs. Melinda was waving
through the gap beneath of the table, and reach up to shake hands with Britney.
"What do you think, Britney? Enjoying being a magician?"
"This is so cool! I'm completely in half!" She giggled as Melinda
slowly swung the cabinet around.
The audience applauded again, taking in Britney's condition, giggiling, arms
waving on one side, sandled toes wiggling on the other - and in between, clearly
visible, the knife.
Melinda leand around the side of the box, and grinned at Britney.
"I can see you're enjoying youself, but I don't think your fans would forgive
me if I left you like this. Ready to get back together?"
"I guess so - we'd better finish the trick."
Taking hold of the side again, Melinda nodded to Britney, and togther they slid
the top section back to the right.
Britney gasped sharply as she slid back across the line of the blade, the top
of the box clicking back into place.
Crossing around the front, Melinda closed the front panels and then swung open
the doors. She took Britney's hand, and helped her out.
They both stepped forwards to take a bow. The older woman drew her hand across
Britney's bared waist.
"See - not even a scratch!"