Eight and a half months later my water broke and we made the trip to the hospital where they informed me my daughter was in destress and I would need a C-section. Thirty minutes later my little girl was born. I did not hear her cry as they annouced "it's a girl!" I was excited to have confirmed that I had a girl but was worried because I didn't hear her cry. In the next few minutes I heard instructions being shouted and there was nurses moving everywhere. My daughter was going into cardiac arrest. All I could do was watch helpless as they worked on my daughter doing CPR. Finally a few minutes later I heard her cry. Releif washed over me and I started to cry.
I thought I was going to get to hold her but they whisked her away somewhere. They tried to calm me down but I was so upset they gave me something to put me a sleep. I woke up in my hospital room only to find out that they medi-vacked my daughter to another hospital hundreds of miles away. They gave me a number to call so I could check up on her condition. Through several phone calls I found out that indeed my daughter had some problems to overcome. She had an inlarged hart, cateracts, small blood viens, possible deafness and mental retardation. All due to my kidney infection. They explained that she caught it in utro.
After a day in the hospital the doctors agreed that I was healed enough to go see my daughter. I went to see her later that day with my other children. She was so tiny and sweet. She gave out a little cry as we picked her up to hold her. My children commented on how tiny her hands were. My boys later went to their grandmothers and I stayed behind to say goodbye to my daugher. That was the most heartbreaking thing I ever had to do. I will never forget it. It has changed me permanetly. It has made me stronger in a way and made me appreciate life more though. I was mad at God for a while but thankfully that has passed. I know everyone has their time to go and I should not question it. My faith has helped me though the hard times.
It has been years since her passing but sometimes it feels like yesterday. You never get over losing a loved one especially a child....you just learn how to deal with it. Cassandra Marie I miss you so much! |
