Harry of the Hart

Episode 7

Life Gets a Little Worse
In episode 6 Harry had been caught and exposed in the local paper cavorting with a juror at the trial of the Hammer & Tongs Two which had led to the postponement of their trial because Harry was not only the victim of their crime but also the key prosecution witness.  Despite these rather sordid events Harry had then gone onto score all four goals in the Hart’s first round Basingstoke Cup victory against the Basingstoke Saints and all because he had changed into his new predator boots at half time.

From front page philanderer Harry suddenly became the toast of the back pages of the local newspaper.  In minute print the Friday paper stated that Harte (sic) had scored four goals.  Harry thought of his hero’s Gascoigne and Best and remembered how despite showing total disregard for civil values and particularly toward females they had nevertheless been revered for their footballing prowess.  Surely this was an example of the media unable to disassociate genius from stupidity.

Over and over again Harry read the report and although slightly put out by the misspelling of his name he rejoiced in his newly found fame and for the right reasons.  Indulging his own ego he ambled to the local library where he logged onto the world famous White Hart website. His sole mission was to check the latest scores and scorers simply to see once again his name.  Alas the latest update had been posted a week previously and the 4-2 victory of the Saints had yet to be updated.

Harry left the library dejected and finding a coke can decided to kick it down the street all the way back to the Hart.  Harry was now getting obsessional about football and his every thought was begining to be dominated by thoughts of his appearances for the Hart. It came as something of a shock to reality that it was now opening time and there were glasses to collect and dishes to wash and floors to scrub.  Harry set about these daily tasks with a heavy heart and reflected upon the reality of his situation.  Here he was just about a slave sleeping on a stinking mattress and responsible for every task considered undesirable within a pub.  At the same time he was painfully aware that the Hammer & Tongs two were still walking the streets and had very good reason to create mischief regardless of whether the trial had merely been postponed.

That said there was still a single solitary shining light – football.  Harry put in his twelve hour shift until closing time and then set about forcing the reluctant Friday night drinkers to drink up followed by a last collection of the ashtrays.  Then as he was making his way to his room evil landlord Jason called after him.  “Your not done yet Hart.  I expect those bottle cabinets to be restocked and how about pouring the rest of the staff a drink while we take a rest.”  Harry visible upset and tired could do no more than pull a long face and drag himself into the bar and pour Kronenbourg for the expectant staff before heading toward the cellar to find replacement bottles. 


The drudgery continued for Harry during the following Saturday but he knew as he struggled to bed that night that Sunday was match day.

Once in the changing rooms Harry was attentive as the manager Ade read out the days team sheet.  All of the defenders were familiar names as was the midfield but there was to be a change up front.  He was back on the bench replaced by all people Jason.  The disappointment was immense but he was determined not to show it. As the game reached its 70 minute mark Liam scissors had to withdraw with hamstring difficulty and Harry delightfully replaced him.  Immediately the ball reached him on the left flank and he cut inside and delivered and flashing shot right into the corner of the goal leaving the keeper stranded.  The referee pointed to centre spot in acknowledgement of a goal and Harry raised his arms in triumph and retribution.

That was until he heard the defender “oi ref the lino has got his flag up – offside”.  At which point the referee reversed his decision and gave a free kick.  This was quickly taken and the White Hart had lost concentration and a goal was quickly scored by the opposition the final score remained 0-1.

In the changing rooms afterward Ade barked “your fault Hart if you had timed your run properly we would never have lost”.


Accused of costing the Hart the match and with Jason finding even more tasks for Harry are there any further depths that he could plummet or is he at the bottom waiting to bounce back. Find out in episode 8.


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