| The Man in the Pub |
| New landlady eh. You know why the other one left. Refused to catch the rats in the morning. They told him to get a cat but said he couldn't afford to keep it. That was enough they sacked him. |
| Rumour has it that they wanted to paint the front of the pub Orange and Black to welcome home the cup final team. Council said it was a listed building and wouldn't let them. They say that before every renovation thats why the pub is crumbling down. |
| I had a lock in the other day. Problem was I had to hide in the toilet and wait till everybody had gone before I could get at the top shelf. Believe you me it works. mind you I thought the cleaner was less than pleasant when he threw me out in the morning. |
| The latest famous person spotted in the pub was none other than your Countess Sophie. She wanted my opinion on Cherie Blair and that Prince Charles. If only I had been ten years younger she was quite a sort and let me into a few more secrets that you wont be reading in the News of the World. I think she may be a bit frustrated cos you know there is no smoke without fire when it comes to that mans man Prince Edward if you know what I mean. |
| Sven Goran Erickson managing England its a disgrace is that. Blooming foreigners telling our lads how to play football. Next thing you'll be telling me that the Duke of Edinburgh is Greek or something. |
| I don't what it is about you youngsters and your so called Garage music and industrial rave. In my day we more than happy to sing -a-long to Dame Vera. Kept the lads spirits up that did. One big cheerie sing song before we raided the beaches. I heard the football team want to have a "disco" before they play football. Stiff talking to and a shot of whiskey thats what they need. And never mind shin pads as well and while im at it what about good old fashioned leather balls. and I don't like it when they kiss when they score. Its only a game lads anyone would think you won a war or something...like me and my mates did.....have I told you about that.....we showed Jonny Foreigner a thing or too... you lot could learn a lesson . And come back to the pub with your medals thinking your something I've got a real hero's medal I saw National Service in Croydon.. proper hero I am and don't you forget it etc etc |