CEMETERY HOPPING
by Libby Herbig

     At one time or another, every genealogist worth his or her acid-free sheet protectors 
will visit a cemetery looking for ancestors’ final resting-places.  These visits can serve 
several purposes, but chief among them is to honor and respect the memory of those 
ancestors who made our own lives possible.
     You may already know, from obituaries, death certificates or other sources that the 
cemetery you are visiting is the final home of your ancestor, or you may be following a 
hunch, perhaps with the knowledge that this is the only Catholic cemetery within 20 
miles of the home of your devoutly Catholic great-grandparents.  Either way, you have a 
little legwork to do before you can visit the grave you are looking for.
     If the cemetery is a large one, in or near a good-sized city or town, there will most 
likely be an office or administration building.  This is your first stop.  The people who 
work in these offices are professionals who are accustomed to inquiries from visitors.  
They also have many other duties as well, such as arranging burials, overseeing 
maintenance and record-keeping.  Remember that they have important jobs to do besides 
helping you amass genealogical documentation.  Be courteous and respectful when 
asking for help locating the burial plot you seek.  This includes, “please” and “thank you 
very much” and even the way you dress.  Cut-off shorts and a ratty T-shirt are as 
inappropriate as a tuxedo or high-heeled pumps in a cemetery.  The office staff will 
search their records for the name you give them.  If you have dates or approximate date 
ranges, this will help distinguish one John Smith from another.  The same goes for 
spouse’s, children’s or parents’ names if you know or suspect that your ancestor was 
buried with or near family members. 
     Once the staff has located the burial plot they will tell you how to find it.  Large 
cemeteries usually have printed maps available to visitors and they will point out 
landmarks or prominent grave markers which will help you find your way.  The staff will 
inform you if there is a funeral in progress in the section you want.  In this case, please do 
not wander around the area reading stones.  Go have lunch or buy flowers and come back 
in an hour.  Imagine if you were one of those people standing there and how distracting it 
would be for you.  If the office has a brochure or a list of policies or rules, please take 
one and read it carefully.  Most of these rules apply to behavior and decorum and 
appropriate grave decorations. 
     In a smaller or rural cemetery, you will most likely not have the convenience of an 
office to help you.  In this case, you will have to search for the grave yourself.  In my own 
experiences in cemetery research, I have found that it is much easier and enjoyable to go 
with a friend.  This way, you can split up and scan the stones looking for the right name.  
I always go cemetery-hopping with Brett, the creator of this website.  He and I have 
developed a routine over the years.  I always carry the cemetery bag and he... well, he 
doesn’t. (Please see, “Grab the Cemetery Bag...” on this site.)  We will head in opposite 
directions and search for the grave.  When one of us finds it, we will stop and very 
discreetly signal the other.  I often carry a small metal “clicker” which I use to signal 
Brett.  Someday, I’ll get one for him to carry.  It is NEVER appropriate to shout, 
especially when there are other visitors nearby.  An inexpensive pair of walkie-talkies 
will also serve nicely, but it is certainly not a necessity.  
     Once you have found the grave you want, it’s time to document it.  This is where your 
cemetery bag comes in.  Brett will usually take photographs while I copy out the 
inscriptions in my notebook.  I will sometimes sketch a map of the plot’s location in 
relation to the entrance or a road or other landmark.  Even in the best-maintained 
cemeteries, grass or weeds will sometimes obscure the carving, especially on markers 
that are laid flush with the ground.  Use shears to clip away the weeds.  Do NOT pull the 
plants out of the ground.  This can create a hole in the soil which can cause a marker to 
tilt and become unsteady.  I keep a cheap plastic putty knife in my bag and use it to 
gently scoop away soil and grass clippings which have washed onto a flush marker.  It 
must be plastic, as metal can scratch or chip a porous old stone.  Often a stone will be 
weathered and covered in lichen.  Here in the Midwest, we get a low-growing, powdery, 
orange lichen that seems to cover every stone that isn’t made of highly-polished granite.  
I spray water on the stone and use my soft nylon-bristled scrub brush to brush the lichen 
in a circular motion.  Then a few more sprays of water will remove the lichen.  Give the 
stone a few moments to dry before photographing it, though sometimes the inscription is 
easier to read if the stone is wet. Be VERY careful when touching an old and weathered 
stone.  Acid rain, weather and time all take a serious toll on old marble, limestone, 
molded concrete or slate markers.  If the stone is tilted or in any way unsteady, do not 
touch it at all.  You could permanently damage or destroy it.  
     If the stone is sturdy, you might wish to make a rubbing.  We all remember making  
rubbings of leaves or cornerstones as kids, using a crayon and newsprint.  We also 
remember our frustration when the paper tore, or when the paper moved slightly and the 
picture came out blurry.  This problem can be solved when rubbing a tombstone by using 
medium/heavyweight non-fusible interfacing fabric which is available at most fabric 
stores.  It won’t tear no matter what you do to it.  Use wide masking tape to secure the 
interfacing to the stone and be sure that it is pulled taut over the surface you will rub.  Art 
supply stores sell large wax cakes specifically made for rubbing and these are great, but 
can be expensive.  I use jumbo-sized crayons made for chubby pre-school fingers.  I 
usually buy an off-brand 8-pack for less than a dollar, peel the paper off the black one 
and give the rest to any little kid I see.  Don’t use the point, but hold the crayon flat 
against the surface and rub gently in smooth strokes.  Try to get the entire surface of the 
stone, not just the writing.  The symbols carved on these stones are often significant and 
can give clues to your ancestor’s life, such as membership in a fraternal organization, 
religious affiliation or even hobbies or occupation.  When you’re satisfied with the 
image, remove the tape very gently and roll the fabric up.  I buy several yards of 
interfacing at a time and keep it rolled up on an old wrapping paper tube.  This also 
serves as storage for all the rubbings I collect on one trip.  I roll the rubbings up and slip 
them inside the tube.  When I get home I pull them out, lay an old towel on the ironing 
board and place the rubbings face down on the towel, then iron gently on a low setting.  
This melts the wax and adheres the image permanently to the interfacing.  Some of the 
wax will wind up on the towel but that’s why you use an old one.
     Now a word about good cemetery manners.  Remember that you are not the only 
visitor there and that whatever your own religious convictions, there are people who feel 
that a cemetery is a steward for the sacred mortal remains of the dead, keeping them for 
the time when “the dead shall rise again on the Last Day.”  Behave in a cemetery the way 
you would in a house of worship, even if it the cemetery is not affiliated with any 
religious group.  Do not shout, litter or do any damage.  My very first cemetery visit was 
as a small child and to this day I remember my mother’s admonishment not to stand 
directly on a grave.  You’ve heard the expression, “Oooooh! Somebody just walked over 
my grave!” when someone gets a sudden shiver.  Try to walk around a grave if you can.  
If you decide to leave flowers on a grave, be sure that the container is within the 
cemetery’s rules for vases or pots.  If I bring flowers to a cemetery I’ve never visited 
before,  I will usually pull a few blossoms and place them on the grave of a child or a 
young girl who died before she had a chance to receive a bouquet from a beau.  (Call me 
sentimental...) Most cemeteries have a sign that states what types of decorations are 
acceptable and how long any flowers or decorations will be allowed to remain before the 
maintenance staff will remove them.  You may be tempted to tie a bundle of colorful 
bobbing helium balloons on the headstone of fun-loving Great-Aunt Millie who took you 
to the circus when you were six, but keep in mind that the balloons will eventually pop or 
deflate and the strings can tangle in lawnmowers.  Unusual decorations may 
commemorate a special relationship or event you shared with an ancestor, but they can 
detract from the overall appearance of a cemetery.  (Personally, I promise to come back 
and haunt anyone who leaves a tacky teddy bear holding a red heart on my grave!)  Your 
car also plays a part in cemetery etiquette.  Small rural cemeteries do not usually 
accommodate cars so please park outside and walk in.  If there is a fence with a gate, 
please shut it behind you, both when you enter and when you leave.  This will keep out 
wandering cows and deer which can damage plantings and knock over stones.  If the gate 
is locked, please do not climb over the fence!  It is locked for a reason.  Look for a 
nearby home or ask someone in the nearest town when you may be allowed to visit. If the 
cemetery allows cars inside, please drive slowly and do not block roads which are often 
very narrow and have tight curves.  If you stop your car near a curve in a road, remember 
that another driver may not see your car until it is too late.  Whenever possible,  park on a 
straight stretch of the road. 
     If you see evidence of vandalism in a cemetery, please do not attempt to prop up 
markers which have been knocked over.  They may be cracked and further handling may 
damage them beyond repair.  Report damage to the office or local law enforcement 
officials and leave repairs to professionals.  You might consider volunteering to take part 
in a supervised cleanup and restoration of the cemetery.  Feel free to pick up any litter 
that you see.  Keep a plastic trash bag in your cemetery bag for this purpose and dispose 
of it in a suitable manner. 
     The more cemeteries you visit, the more you will see how peaceful, charming and 
valuable they are.  They preserve our past so that we of the present and those of future 
generations can enjoy them and continue to commemorate the lives honored there.