| A Wiccan Circle of Friends Contemplations From The Woods July 2001 |
| So....where is that girl I was? That girl who used to hug trees, and loved walking in the woods.....in the rain. Yes, that was me. That is me, since she is me. So when was the last time I took the time to live that way, and love nature that way? Well, suffice it to say, much much too long. So today, for just a little while, I sat with the cats, by the window and watched a squirrel and a chipmunk as they ate sunflower seeds so close that had the screen not been there I could have touched them. Ahhh, to be a pampered cat, and make it one's occupation to watch squirrels and chipmunks. |
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| July 9th, 2001 |
| I've been thinking about the things that I have gradually changed over the recent years that have been because of a stressful, fast-paced life-style. I used to never drink sodas or caffeine-containing beverages except maybe an occassional hot cocoa. But to keep up with our hectic life in the city, over the past 5 1/2 years I began drinking caffeine sodas both to stay awake and also to help with the many stress/tension headaches. Along with that, came conveneince foods with thier food additives, and less-than-healthy food choices. Which of course led to more headaches, trouble sleeping, stomach aches and weight gain. Life became what one did to get through the day. So what of those habits and behaviors is still valid if one takes away the stress and the hecticness? Well, honestly, none. So if I was just dropped into this body and into this current life situation, without my bad habits what would I do? I'd take a look in the mirror and shreik, for one thing! Yikes, this body needs some exercise and TLC! The movers got the treadmill down into the finished basement here. The weather is not as hot as NC, so taking walks all summer is not a problem. We have a free membership to the Y via Spell Weever's company, so there is no reason not to whip this ole body back into good health. There is decent produce in the supermarkets and several healthfood stores around. In short, I have no excuse not to take care of myself and make getting healthy a priority. |
| July 10th, 2001 |
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| July 11th, 2001 |
| Ok, so undoing the effects of years of stress isn't going to happen over night. But at least I can start making steps in that direction. Maybe I can't cut out caffeine cold-turkey, but I can cut down for a start. Maybe I don't want to get on the treadmill for an hour a day, but I can go for a walk. Maybe I don't want to give up the soft serve ice cream around the corner completely, but I can get a "small", and I can eat a salad for dinner. Little changes.....over time, bigger impact. I feel like I want to be a hermit a little bit. There was so much coming at me all the time, constantly, when we lived in the city. It is a big relief not to have the phone ringing non-stop, not to have people constantly ringing the doorbell, not to have to always be on the run, driving everywhere. One of the things that we used to comiserate with each other about before was how we had no friends there. There we were running all over the place and never a chance to breathe or think, and yet we never seemed to get anywhere, or get ahead. There was no sense of fulfillment or of all the stress or hectic pace being worth it. I am trying hard to wrap my mind around what we gained by it all. It was about survival. It was about getting through each day. It was about doing what we felt we had to do. We made things good for the kids. I know I helped a lot of people through my business. Spell Weever and I learned a lot about renovation, about team-work and about each other, about what we wanted and didn't want in terms of lifestyle and what our priorities are. We did get ahead financially, though we went through a lot of hardship and we pulled ahead through sheer sweat and perseverance. But what were the biggies? You know the really significant things that I can see that had we not lived there, and had things not been the way they were, would not have happened? Well, for one thing......had I not felt it necessary to remain in the closet so completely because of my business and because of the Bible Belt being what it was, and had I not been so lonely for friends I would never have sought out connections on the internet, would never have found the Black Raven site, and hence this site would not now exist. Well, I think that is a big biggie!! Also, had I not lived the experience there in the city, I would never have understood how shallow and superficial and materialistic people can actually be. I probably would have assumed that it couldn't really be that bad and that there couldn't actually be that many people focused that way all in one place, to that extent! Ahhh niavite! And, that is a biggie, because I value learning...the real kind of learning that is about life and people, and human nature. So what is it about Raleigh that makes it so prone to that kind of shallow, and materialistic focus for so many people there? My guess is that it is the sheer availability of wealth and potential for wealth and the greed that is so easy for people to fall into. That is pretty basic. So no matter one's wealth......It must not consume you......it must not be your all-in-all, nor your priority nor your reason d'etre! For like a poison-acid or gas it distroys the one who generates it. Well, I am sure there is more, but those two things right there are big enough for today. Time to go watch Tabitha watch the chipmunk. |
| July 13th, 2001 |
| A magickal day indeed! It is like holding a secret inside today. Feeling the power, enjoying the energies, when so many people everywhere are expecting bad things to happen to them today! I wonder, does the sheer magnitude of their negative expectations influence their lives negatively this day? Does the delight and delicious anticipation of positive things coming my way today influence mine? If there is any merit to that concept....then what if I lived every day with a delicious anticipation of good things coming my way!? What if I lived EXPECTING the positive and anticipating it the way a child wakes up on their birthday morning?! |
| July 14th, 2001 |
| Just wondering.......if we must first learn the moral lesson of prosperity in order to experience it, or if we must experience it to learn the lesson? But then how would that explain the rich people in this world who are arrogant and money-grubbing and materialistic and users/abusers? Is it a matter of openness to learning and spiritual growth? If one was close-minded to their spiritual growth is their material wealth irrelevant to the Goddess and God? If we are open and seeking to wanting to grow and learn spiritually, does wealth or the lack their of become a useful learning tool for the Diety to use in our lives? And if that is true about wealth, then what about love, what about friends, what about any of the things we yearn for from the deeepest places of our soul? Is it possible to try to learn and grasp the lessons intellectually or must they all be "gone through " and experienced for the lesson to be complete? So in other words.....can we slow down our growth by repeating mistakes and not "getting it" ....can we speed up our progress spiritually and therby situationally by seeking wisdom and understanding of spiritual principles? or are certain life lessons such that we must experience them through and through, no matter our mind-set? Just pondering. |
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| July 18th, 2001 |
| Hmmmm......I wonder.......is there really anything that isn't connected with spirit? We can look at objects, and we can separate in our mind, saying, "Ok, this is an object. This is a thing. I can touch it, it is material. It is not spirit." But what about the pottery which is made by someone who is following their spiritual path by creating pottery? What about the beautiful inspiring painting? What about the person who runs the printing place who duplicates the painting so that more people can afford to own a copy of the painting which is so creative and inspiring? What of the can of cat food in your cupbord? How spiritual would you feel if you didn't have it for your cat? What about that cupbord? How spiritual would it be to live in clutter? You see what I mean? Well, no ponderance on materialism vrs. spirituality can possibly be valid without examining the difference between "materials" and things/objects, and Materialism. Things, and objects, can be and are incorporated in spirituality as an interaction between our physical world (which we live in!) and with our spiritual selves and with Diety and spirit, which we seek to connect with, and enrich. Where does the difference start and end? We need material things to survive in this world. We use material things to enhance our physical experience in this world. There is no such thing as a purely spiritual life. If we are in our physical bodies and in this physical world, we must use and interact with the physical and material things. Who therefore is to define whether the garbage collector is living a less-spiritual existance than the High Priestess of a coven? Perhaps that High Priestess is a tad on the controlling side.....perhaps she "gets off" on the power and attention. She spends her time thinking how that purple velvet custom-designed ritual robe is going to look at the next sabbat. Perhaps the garbage collector decided to do this work because he could make more money than anything else he could find and he has a handicapped child at home whose financial needs are greater than he ever feels he can keep up with. Ok ...so who is living a more "spiritual life"?? It is not, nor ever can be, about the objects, about the things, whether we have them or enjoy them, or don't have them, or disconnect ourselves from them. It is always about intent and priority, and not just what and how...but why. The objects and the things can be vehicles to connect us with spirit if we use them as such. Or, of course, they can be barriers to making that connection. I think the real trick is to find our path and stay with its turns and changes.....staying on track so to speak. Or getting on track if we feel we never really were! To learn to let the universe and Diety speak to us and guide us....that is the trick. We have so much coming at us all the time. These days it is hard to find silence. Always there is the radio or the TV or the CD player, or traffic noise, or work noise. Much of it is self-created. we are often afraid of the silence. But it is there, in the silence that the important "sounds" are heard. It is in the stillness and quiet that we can listen to our inner voice and the voice of Spirit. When we don't allow this quiet time we sometimes have to get "hit over the head" with spiritual communicaton. Ever catch yourself saying, "Why does this keep happening to me!!?" The answer could be in the stillness and the in the quiet. |
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