Accept

13 Oct 2000

anguished memories do strike
so veiled by my conscience mind
that I could not even see them
until they dealt another fatal blow
to what little hope I maintain
of love and happiness

love, though, only a mockery,
and I don’t know how to be happy

so I shall bar the windows to this soul
with carefree indifference
as I do the only thing I know how
	write and work
and shelve all my foolish notions
of dear friends and potential loves
for I see now
that they can never be

pleasant mien shall get me through
as I shut myself into my work
this gorgeous wealth of giving
and close off the avenue to this harméd heart

so weary of this pain

I only thought to find happiness
I thought I’d deserve it some day
I was wrong

for my soul attacks happiness like an illness
and love like a cancer
that can only eat me alive
and leave me ravaged and gaunt

I must accept this life

 
© 2000, Tara Tambolleo