Ask

Mar 1998

I did not ask
for this love that you profess so fervently
swearing that life is worthless
without my eyes
and that the sunshine in Spain 
has naught to do with your protestations
nor the dick that you so love
to have me fondle.
It could not be that I tasted
sunshine, ocean, women
which caused this overwhelming desire
for my life.
I did not ask
to be submitted to your petty jealousies
created from your fear
of my strong nature
and the imagination of your real lies
that makes you tie me to promises of gold rings
and white picket fences 
that I never wanted built.
It was not my dream that you fenced me in
swearing that a child was your goal
forgetting to ask me mine
so that you assumed that I would accept your dreams
as my own 
without thought to mine.
Why did I leave mine behind for you?
I did not ask
for you to denigrate my intelligence
when your fears arose to haunt you
because you knew that you were not my soulmate
and I only a passing moment in your life
that you will regret having denied
for the gratification 
that your low self-esteem requires.
Was it not your choice to lay with other women
hoping to find the esteem and happiness
with each one
that you cannot locate in yourself?
Was it not your choice to lie?
I gave up my life
moved to that joyous state
North Carolina
backward rednecks
uptight Republicans
and you
only to turn around
and leave you.
I did not ask
to fuck you 
suck you
and be your whore
by accepting your love as payment
for my services
so why did you try to make me one?
I did not ask
for your lies.



© 1998, Audre Pouliot