Self-Destruct

16 Jun 2000

Again, I remind this heart
of all the good it does
while I try to self-destruct.
The solace of smoke
the comfort of food
the familiarity of deviance,
this I court with steady pace
to keep all happiness
from unsettling this heart
that finds warmth in the known.
Blanketing my body
in layers of undesirability
to stave off the marauders,
while comprehending that 
it is just another wall to scale
another test of perseverance;
waiting for the one to see beyond
and brave the moat of my fear.
It is not fair.
I know.  
I cheat myself with these obstacles
and stack the deck against health,
for I think it frightens the child
still lurking behind these eyes.
There is another, now
struggling to be seen
and she desires to be free of the child.
Again, I remind this soul
of all the good it does
before I self-destruct.


© 2000, Tara Tambolleo