Deep Hearted

29 Dec 1999
Lori

Deep hearted, I wound easily; love fully, yet fearfully.
You, belly full of hope reach your gentle care with didactic tones and cadence. Your superiority kindles rebellious ire that sours my soul even as I relinquish my heart to your steady hands.
What tick-tock of years will still your pedantic dictums and steal the crown life has placed upon your Zen brow so that I can feel your heart beat and not hear lessons ringing in mine ears?
Too long life and you know nothing of this – safe in your jeweled coffers of love that pave your road and smooth your way. This weary life oft’ gives me pause, yet I find no succor in your arms only words that confirm weakness and rarely offer more than condescending praise that does little to still the beast that weeps in my breast.
The love I know you possess, strong mien and calm brow, forgives much, yet judges most.
How can I let you see me – this wounded child cowering in closets fearful walls that protected well in youth strange desires borne of stranger past and weakness that bows my soul binding me to the anguish me – this naïve heart that gives too much when relinquished from the fear so that stronger strangers ply their games to find the victim eternal in mine eyes me – this strong intellect, beautiful soul, chained by loss safety never known, boundaries never taught love uncertain and betrayed anguish a constant, silent, companion in youth a trust continually abused me – this goodness and this decadence full of unfounded hope turned aside in fear that loves you wholly despite all

Scraps of Thought