Matters It Not

19 April 2001

Matters it not what I shall live
be it family or charity or work-enslaved
for nothing shall give this girl surcease
for she knows not how to be happy
and dysfunction shall always tear the cloth of relations
of reason
no matter how hard I try.
Walls inherent so tall that 
even I
cannot break them
find a door
some way of clawing my way over.
Your games will always scar me
my disease shall always scare you
and I will find myself hugging memories
of dreams and hopes
that died brutal deaths
there in your bed.
It matters not, you hear me say,
I need nothing.
Even as your pity voices wonder at my hard life
you are not tempted to find what lies beyond
and you leave me
as all must do.
Matters it not what I do
burying myself in books and bodyfat 
work and cynical observations
to disguise 
ignore
negate
the disease that keeps me alone.


© 2001, Tara Tambolleo