No Words

03 Nov 99
Annette

There are no words to render to you what I feel.
Suffice it to say that I regret this pain
And wish you more happiness than I can even imagine.
Drowning in these tears
I wish to heal all this anguish.
I hear his words
And you must believe them.
It does not matter where I stood in this vignette 
It does not matter what I feel at this moment
For the loss of this beautiful friendship
For you must believe what he tells you.
I am a horrible person
Drunk on wine, I am a seducer, a predator
And I am to blame for all that transpired.
I am a slut, a whore, a drunk – I hear his silent accusations
And I accept the labels and the blame
For you must believe him.
Who am I to tell you a different story
And take this small incident and create a monstrous dilemma
Where none should exist
For it does not matter more than your commitment.
It does not matter who I am 
Where I might have stood in your life 
What integrity drives me
To admit small truths that I could not deny 
When faced with momentary weakness and my mistake.
This is not about blame
This is not about me
This is not about what price I pay 
  for not rendering the truth in full
This is not about what loss we shall sustain 
  for letting you believe him.
This is about your faith
This is about your love
And I will not destroy any more of your illusions
With the truth.

© 1999, Tara Tambolleo