Serassi

December 97

If I were to lay a gentle kiss
upon lips forbidden to me,
what would I find, my friend?
Might I find that my love for you
so transcendal, so elusive, so deep
would come crashing about my ears
like so many wooden building block
to leave me weeping like a child over my loss?
Shall I open my eyes to find you staring at me
so uncertain of how our love
can absorb this action,
and find that I lose the only man in my life 
that I call serassi, soulmate, heart's twin?
My love, this ever growing affection
harms my heart in it's uncertainty.
Were I to lay gentle fingers 
upon the face that I have grown to love
with a passion deeper than my heart can justify,
might I finally find surcease?
Tell me, my confidante,
what would I do with peace?
Might I rush into this moment
(that you tell me only happens once)
giddy with this truth,
only to decide that it is not all
that I need it to be
from beginning to end
and the heartache in between?
Pain is good, I tell you,
sincere in my knowledge 
that growth cannot be without anguish,
yet
how many times have I hidden myself from that growth,
a coward in heart and soul?
Coward, I am,
for I must run from every heart
that might be my salvation
from this path of flight I construct
to guard my weeping soul.
Yet, you...
my serassi,
have been the one to give me 
trust, unconditional love and veracity. 
Through my ignorance, 
you have been patient;
in my times of grief,
you have been my solace;
at my wits' end
you have shown me solutions.
Do I simply need the reaffirmation of me
to support this mourning soul
that has been so betrayed,
or do I reach for the only rock in my life
that has been my foundation
and my eternal bedrock
to guide me in my pain?
Can you forgive me for the confusion
that always binds my heart?
My heart's twin, my soulmate
when shall we find our time?
Let this be my apology
for all the time wasted 
both then and now
until I am certain
what steps we might take
will not prove to be our downfall.



© 1998, Tara Tambollio

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