Zen Heart

Try this one time, this change of mind,
to strive for hope and goodness of heart
that I have lost from years of misuse
and times that I could not afford to care.
Each thought I have of wisdom,
each moment I strive for balance,
I struggle to find my way.
I gave up on gentleness when all it yielded
was ache of heart and mind,
and never found the place
that goodness and peace held sway.
Why should I reach for that wisdom,
striving for that zen heart, smiling countenance, sweet soul,
while each breath yields me naught
but thoughtless beings who use that
to trouble me?
Yet, does not that sweet creature,
solid of esteem,
still need that heart?
I know I have lost site recently
of what creature I once yearned to craft
while I sat dreaming of a better life.
This old soul, almost 30 now,
finds that she has lost her way
to that perfect creature she envisioned
when buried in musty books and Shakespearean poems.
Search hard for that path, I must,
to find the wisdom I know I can reach
given time and care.