December 30th-Big Pimpin'
I got some bomb ass shit for X-mas. Here just a taste of what I received from his holiness (Santa): Video i-pod, whole season of Aeon Flux, gift cards up the ass, Edgar Allan Poe book, etc. Damn-a-lamn. What did you get, loser? A fucking soccer ball? Hahaha.
December 19th-No Mo' Skool
I'm doing finals today. Man, I get really nervous. My ass exploded this morning. Uncool. Oh well. I'm happy now, feelin' fine and I just sold two of my books STRAIGHT CASH!
December 14th-What? Me work?
Work sucks. It's boring and I could be taking a nap or playing video games right now. I could even be doing my homework. Since I live in Wisconsin, it's cold and snowy. I hate snow. I hate being cold too. It's bullshit. I like where I live, so moving is out of the question. I just need to get super fat and insulate myself. Oh fatness. Someday, I will be 400 pounds of pure greatness. Someday...
December 9th-Fuck ya! It's Friday!
Dude, don't try to step to this. Seriously. I'm straight gangsta.
Exersize your ability to recognize, bitch.
December 1st-Dorkin' It
I admit, I can be a huge fucking dork sometimes. Me and my dude bought Dragon Quest 8 and I can't stop playing that shit. It's crazy fun. We put up our fake Christmas tree. We had a real one last year, but it was a fuck load of work, plus, the little girl (he's really a dude!) that lives with us is allergic to pine. I really enjoy buying presents for people, especially since I'm stocked up to my ass (literally!!!!) in dildos. For mom, the French Masseur. For dad, the Jock Strap-on. For grandma, The Double Doily Dong (while it spins grandma, it also spins a decorative doily!) Ahh, Christmas.
November 23rd-Gobble Gobble Bitches!
I'm excited. I get to eat so much goddamned food and no one looks at me weird. What do I have thanks for this year? Well, I give thanks that I'm awesome, that I'm a superstar with mega super status and that I live in a world full of idiots, for which I get to make fun of everyday. Ahh. Satisfaction.
November 18th-The Champ Strikes Again
Holy shit. The one, the only me has struck again. I just won a fucking Delorian replica in my math class for being King Shit of Fraction Mountain! Today, a Delorian, tomorrow, the bat mobile.
November 17th-The Don
So, I heard a song by Don Johnson called Heartbeat on the radio. I was left speechless for abour 2 hours. Then, I had a epiphany. Don Johnson is so lame, he's awesome. So awesome. The most awesome. Here's some eyecandy for you.
November 14th-Rock The Cash Bar
People annoy the shit out of me....I'm not really going anywhere with this. Just an observation.
Right now, I'm kind of addicted to downloading songs off of eMule. It's free-tastic! I think of a song, look on that bitch and, BAM!, I start to download. Downloading shit takes forever, but at least I get my phat ass beats from DJ NastyCock. Damn, those are some smooth rhymes. I want to rip off Lars Whats-His-Fuck's balls for staring that lawsuit against Napster. Well, he may not have started it, but goddammit, he brought attention to it. Fucking dumbshit "rockstar". Grrr. I LOVED Napster. Then, after that fuck-dick got done with it, there was nothing left.
All that I loved, gone.
Sad, isn't it?
November 10th-Animositities
Ever realize you are extremely hungry at work, only to remember all you have in the fridge is a Lean Cuisine. That's where I'm at today. I just paid my bills today. It upsets me greatly when I see all my semi-hard earned cash go bye bye to some dick who decides if I can have heat or not.
For some reason, I really want to buy a shirt today. I don't know why. I have shirts. Some are ok, some are better. I don't really need one, I just want one. What I actually need is a pair of pants that fit. Since I lost some poundage around my carriage, none of my fucking jeans fit. I hate that shit. Am I going to buy a pair of pants? Probably not. A shirt? Probably. That's life.
I have some great shirt ideas I want to spring forth. If you use any and don't give me my royalties, I will hunt you down and eat your children. I'm serious. I bet they taste better than a Lean Cuisine.
Anyways, here's some ideas:
1. Anal Princess
2. 2 Cool 4 School
3. Bitches Get Stitches, Leah Gets Riches
4. Super Cool Champion Winner!
5. This Dick Ain't Gonna Suck Itself
6. You Smell Like A Penis Fart
November 4th-TODDZILLA
The sexiest man I have ever seen (this is sarcasm, folks) was a few years ago. He has curly blonde hair and was driving in a red jeep. His license plate was the most wonderful thing ever, it said "TODDZILLA". SOOOO AWESOME.
October 31st-Boo! Yah!
It's Halloween! I am going as a zombie this year. I'll post a pic up if I feel like it. I'm getting bored of my layout. Fuck. I need re-vamping in this bitch. We had a potluck today at work and I had too much food. My boss made this wonderfully cum-tastic oreo custard cake stuff. Duran Duran is on the radio. I may or may not be singing along. It depends.
October 25-Ghetto Fabulous
I'm going to try and sell some of my old shit on ebay. Girl shit. Like clothes. And my shit. It's a hot item, with my celebrity-status growing every fucking day as it is. Get it while it's hot!
October 18th-Panamanian Devil
I work in accounts payable, so that means I am on hold a lot waiting for customer service people. I am being forced to listen to some horrible Kenny G shit right now. AT&T needs to knock this shit off. It's putting me to sleep. Accounts don't pay themselves. Give me some Slayer or bad hair metal or something.
*Updates-a-plenty!
October 14th-Holla Back, Slut
Girls wear way too much fucking perfume. They leave scent trails. It's gross. I'm tryin to imagine them in the morning, getting ready, doing their hair all ugly, and thinking "Gee, I need to squirt myself 14 times with this nasty overpriced liquid to get the smell of dick off of me from last night, giggle giggle." I'm guessing that's how it goes.
October 11th-Too Much Liquid
I drank too much ice tea. I think I'm going blind.
October 10th-Booyah
I had tests for school last week. I got B's. I am so smart I can't even explain it in words.
October 4th-Big Red Tastes Good for 2 Seconds
Major updates are going on in this bitch. I have brought Lou up close and personal because come on, let's not kid ourselves, he's one fuckalicious beast.
I watched a bunch of episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm. I like that show, it makes me giggle out loud. I am at work right now, "working". I get off in 5 minutes. Then I get to go home and study. Yippie. I just got back from a wedding in Kentucky and let me tell you, they have big spiders. No need to go back there. Nope.
