| A Christmas Dead-time Story by Laurel Starling (Adapted from 'Twas the Night Before Xmas by Major Henry Livingston Jr.) |
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, Every night creature was stirring, feeding on mouse. The entrails were hung by the chimney with care, In the hopes that Dr. Satan soon would be there. The ghoulies were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of sugared-eyeballs danced in their heads. And mummy in her kerchief and I in my horns Had just settled in for a long daylight nap. When out in the graveyard there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter. Away to the window I crept like a rash, Tore open the coffin window and threw up the sash. The sun on the breast of the new-fallen snow, Gave the luster to burning flesh from corpses below. When what to my blinded eyes should appear, But a miniature hearse and eight half-eaten reindeer. With a little old driver, so bloody from eatin’, I knew in a moment it must be Dr. Satan. More rapid than valkryies and ghosties he came, And he howled and screamed and called us all by name. “Now Freezenerve! Now keithdbz! Now Louise and Horrordiva! On SteveVernon! on Dragoness! On Hellsbelle and Shyza!\ To the top of the mausoleum! To the top of the crypt wall! Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away y’all! As dry leaves that before the wild banshees dance fly, When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky, So up to the crypt-top the devils they flew, With the sleigh full of bones and Dr. Satan too. And, then in a twinkling, I heard on the coffin, The prancing and pawing of each bone a-droppin. As I drew in my hand, and was turning around, Down the chimney Dr. Satan came with a bound. He was dressed all in patch-work skin, from his foot to his head, And his clothes were all bloodied with innards of the dead; A bundle of bones he had flung on his back, And he looked like a death peddler just opening his pack. His eyes - how the marveled! His ribs how exposed! His cheeks were all sunken, his nose like a broken elbow! His droll little mouth was slashed wide like a wound, And the beard of his chin was white like the moon. The stump of a finger he held tight in his teeth, And the blood it encircled his mouth like a wreath. He had a broad face and gaping wide belly, That shook like a leaf when he cackled like a bowlful of eye-jelly. He was skinny and dark, a right snarling old elf, And I shrieked with glee when I saw him, in spite of myself. A wink of his eye and twisting of his head, Soon gave me to know I had everything to dread. He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, And filled all the entrails, then turned with a jerk. And laying a bone aside of his nose, And giving a nod, out the coffin he rose. He sprang to his hearse, to his band of demons gave a scream, And away they all flew like the scariest of all dreams. But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, Happy Christmas to all, and to all an evil-night! |
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