The first time Ken told me he liked to dress up sometimes as a woman, I was afraid. I thought of serial killers who were transvestites that I had seen on cop shows, and forensic files. The first memory I had was Richard Speck who killed 8 nurses in 1966 and was some sort transgender. I remember the image of him having grown breasts and grown his hair out, sitting in a cell on his big black boyfriend's lap having a high old time. Also another person that had the police let him dress up so that he would show them where the bodies were. And I could go on and on. So it made me afraid that this man I had been flirting with could possibly be also.I didnt really know a lot about TGs.
I kept asking him questions to find out what type of person he was. I asked about his childhood, his relationship with his dad and mom, trying to figure out the reason for his feeling that way. I felt as though it was a psychological disorder, like gender identity disorder. I compared it even to anorexia, to me another psychological disorder. In particularly a disorder about controlling your body.
I thought it was kind of odd, I asked him one time "If someone could take those feelings away from you , would you?" He said "No". So that really got me to thinking it was really a thing of control, of some type. The reason I asked that question is because I know of a case where a man who dressed up and wanted to be a woman, met this Christian woman, started going to church, accepted Jesus as his Savior, he still had these feelings of gender disorder and was something he had to work through. I have also heard of homosexual men turning from homosexuality after a spiritual conversion.
As we got to know each other, I could tell that he was a very passive and gentle person. Stubborn most definately, and someone with no faith in anything that I could tell. Only in what he could see for himself.
I am also stubborn, and hard headed, and somewhat strong willed, and we have butted heads on several occasions. Of course, that has nothing to do with gender disorder just personality clashes. But we ended up caring about each other and the day we decided he would come down, I said we needed to end it, because the thing he wanted was not something I could not accept nor live with. I invited him to come down anyway, either he come down here or we end it. We had gone as far as we could online. Even though we differed in religious, political, and moral views there is some kind of bond that we had developed that has made it possible for us to enjoy each other's company. But just in case, I did tell my younger son about Ken , before he came down, LoL.
After he had been here a couple of months, I kept waiting to see him in drag. So finally one day I asked him if he was going to dress up and showed him a few items that I no longer wore, that he could have. The first thing when I saw him in drag, it was really creepy. And almost wondered if I had made a mistake in inviting him here. I thought "Oh shit!", I had never seen anything like that before. But I am the type of person who looks on the inside, not the outside. I have two sons , that I have always taught to put yourself in the other guy's shoes, how would you feel if ...
I'm also a little bit possessive and can sometimes be a bit materialistic.And when he started going through my closet and underwear drawers and helping himself to a few articles of clothing, I got a little jealous, possessive, materialistic as if to say "Wait a minute, these are MINE." So the next trip to walmart we purchased a few items for him. So that he could have his own stuff and leave MINE alone. I was very torn about buying things for him because I felt like I was enabling him and being a hypocrit.because I still did not approve or accept his views on this matter. But I was accepting of him. Its not like I was giving alchohol to an alcoholic or drugs to a drug addict, but it felt very close to that.
After the initial shock of see him dressed up, it was hard to me to relate to him while he was dressed up on a romantic level. But it seems to me as though that was when he was at his most romantic. I voiced my opinions and feelings about this. I think he understands how I feel (I am not a lesbian), hehe.
Our time together is spent playing online games, sewing (I tought him the basics), crafting, cooking (ya again), watch movies, some tv shows, read, go walking occassionally, go out to movies, eat, and all the things a quote "normal" couple do. Even though, did I mention this I am 21 years older than he is.Yes we do have sex on occasion.
One of our first encounters was one of the most memorable. That day we had lunch at Taco Bell, that night as we were playing around in bed, he farted, and he immediately said "Taco Bell". I started laughing hysterically and could not stop. Neither of us could stop laughing. That was 4 years ago, and its still funny.
To be continued...
Religion: Non Denomination Christian
Politics: Republican
Current Job: Bookkeeper
Hobbies: Doll collecting, Sewing, MMORPG online games (Everquest/2 , Anarchy Online, Vanguard, Sims2)
Favorite TV Shows: Forensic Files, CSI, Lost, Stargate SG1, Battlestar Galactica, Cold Case Files, Desperate Housewives, Family Guy, Robot Chicken, Medium, American Idol, Dirt, Smallvill