2. Arrested 10 born again christians for obvious reasons
3. Single handidly ruined Notre Dame's football season and any hope they have of ever competing for a national championship again because he decided to like them.
4. Lost 50 dollars in a bet with Littlewood. The bet was that Littlewood could not chew and swallow 4 crackers in a minute. Unbelievably, and more importantly super humanly Littlewood accomplished this feat.
5. Learned whats it like to be dominated at Risk, the game of global domination.
6. Taken a trip to Cuba where he met Fidel Castro and told him of his utter dislike for him. Not because he was a communist dictator but because Castro is a die hard Red Socks fan. He also smuggled in 25 cuban cigars and was going to be reprimanded at work for violating federal law by visiting cuba until he gave his sgt. 3 cigars and a date with one of his hooker friends.
7. Sadly, spoke the most eloquent eulogy ever at Cindy's funeral where he mentions that "she never met a guy she didn't like," and "its a sad day when a hooker can't walk midtown south without fearing that she's going to be drugged, shot and thrown into the dumpster of Sushi restaurant."
8. Almost became a convicted sex offender when a dominican girl claimed she was only 16. Luckily, her birth certificate was found and it was learned that she was actually 31.
9. Fulfilled his life long dream of working at a bowling alley. Sadly he had to quit when his wife got pregnant with his third child, who he's going to call Maggie.
10. Learned to speak "NYC Cop" This is mainly inserting "bro" into every sentence while also never every saying a sentence that is completely true.
11. Contemplated becoming a man servant to an African Prince, but decided not to take it when "the job wasn't gay enough."
12. Started taking THG and other new age steroids when he realized Jason Giambi was doing it. He stopped after learning Barry Bonds was also a big fan.
13. Accidentally discharged his gun in our apartment, shooting into the apartment next door and almost hitting a yorkshire terrier. But no harm, no foul.
14. Came to the realization that he would rather be in organized crime than crime fighting. But he also realized it was a little too late to just join the mafia and that he would just have to settle for being a crooked cop who took kickbacks.
15. Spit on Paris Hilton. He met her at a bar in NYC city thta Paris had accidentally entered because she thought it was a new trendy club. She talked to him for 2 minutes before casually dismissing him for one of the guys of 98 degrees thats not Nick Lachey. Mike got pissed that Paris would ditch him for somone with less talent than that no talent ass clown Michael Bolton. So he spit on her back 6 times because he was wasted. Paris at first didn't notice it but got pissed when she got hit for the sixth time. She turned around to spazz out and bitch slap Mike when he told her it was her cum. Oddly getting cummed all over was not insulting towards Paris. She thanked Mike for the donation and left the bar.