***Note: You should read Brendan's side first since this is a response to his capricious and arbritary allegations.***
As normal, Brendan’s allegations are full of half truths and foggy if not made up recollections about the past. Do I think that he’s done this on purpose? Well somewhat but we cannot forget that he is of Italian descent and thus lacks the ability to genuinely remember anything as it happens along with the ability to do simple math.
First, I will confront the “bet” that happened. Brendan story is seriously invalid for several reasons. First, I did not have gym class with him in 7th grade. I had gym class first period that year with all the smart kids that were in the accelerated program. As I mentioned earlier Brendan is of Italian stock and thus was relegated to classes that were better described as remedial. We made this bet at lunch base. My lunch base was the gym, while Brendan’s was some other room and he had to sign up for the gym every day. Why am I pointing this out? Purely to demonstrate my ability to recollect 7th grade as compared to Brendan’s. The really the major flaw in Brendan’s story is that we bet twice. The Bills played the Dolphins three times that year. Losing the first one in week 5 37-10. But I didn’t know Brendan in week 5 as anyone more than a whigger looking kid in lunch base so there was no way we could have possibly bet lunch on that game. We did bet on the next game in week 11 which the Bills won 26-20. Than the bills and dolphins met in the AFC championship game, which they won 29-10. Because I was such a nice guy I gave Brendan a chance to win his money back double or nothing. They lost so Brendan actually owes me $3. Even if we did bet that first game we definitely bet again so at the very worst we should be even. There is no possible way that I owe him any money at all. That’s math that even Brendan can figure out.
Now for the rest of the allegations. 1. The haircut I had in 7th grade was horrible. The lady at super cuts really fucked it up. 2. I did not own Zubaz in 7th grade, I got them later and I never wore them to class until college. 3. In 7th grade I wore a pair of Brine sneakers. In 8th grade I did wear Asics but they were black. I didn’t have a white pair of Asics until 11th grade. 4. Brendan loved the omni. 5. I purposely drove over the rumble pads – Johnny K should be able to vouch for that but I will admit that I was a pretty bad driver back then. 6. Farscae was driving the car in Toronto when he peeled off without paying the bum. I always give bums money. 7. Brendan, being the dick that he is called me right after the music city miracle. While my mom may have put me on suicide watch I was too busy throwing everything I possibly could get my hands on off my deck, such as tables and chairs and swearing at the top of my lungs. Phil Luckett is still an asshole. 8. I did switch to Brendan’s campaign strategy for the election as my communism thing got thrown out by the administration. Sadly, everyone should know that I lost the three way election in a very close race – Jaime May who I believe went on to be prom queen did win. It wouldn’t surprise me if Brendan voted for her since he had a crush straight out of Can’t Hardly Wait type crush on her. 9. I was tied for the team lead in interceptions and I’ll take that to the grave with me. 10. He’s right about the car thing – but I was a dick for asking for money . But I supplied Brendan with the vast majority of his transportation during high school and the majority of his food at Irondequoit Hots on Friday and Saturday nights. 11. I probably did try to pee on him – that’s my bad. 12. Are original plan for skipping the prom was to get tattoos. That didn’t work out but Jurassic Park II was a sweet movie. I would say by far the best of the all three due to its downer ending and the surprise father-son relationship between the T-Rex and Jeff Goldblum. 13. The interesting thing about the mural wall was that it was my idea to destroy it, we stole a whole section of the wall, our friend Ralphie took it to his house to cut it up so we could each have a piece and than give my piece to Brendan to give to me. 4 years later I still don’t have my piece. How about that for an unpaid debt? 14. The omni story is true but everyone loves the Omni. 15. Brendan – we’re fighting the next time we hang out for calling Jim Kelly an over hyped Neil O’Donnell. And by fight I don’t mean a wrestling match. I’m coming with pipes and chains at you bitch. For too long have you harassed a man who has done nothing but bring greatness to western NY. The man is bringing priceless attention and millions of dollars to fight a deadly disease that strikes children and all you can do is taunt him? You have no soul. 16. I’d rather revive General Sherman and I don’t want Steve Tasker to be on the view.
Some of my highlights of our relationship
1. Brendan has had to my count three girlfriends since we were seniors in high school. However I have never met one of them. Do they exist? Will Millhouse ever get Lisa Simpson? All questions that may never be answered.
2. Killing Brendan constantly in Bond. I have never seen someone actually complain about a video game more, and than try to debase my victory by calling me cheap because I always shot him in the back. Last time I checked video games based on international espionage were not based on chivalry.
3. The 2000 New Years eve party at Devin’s house. Brendan and I smashed a bunch of bottles in Devin’s basement and than when one of Devin’s older brothers friend cut himself, I blamed the kid in the red shirt – Jeff Moriatti. Also notable at that party was us taking pictures of our own respective balls (without the other one looking) on people’s cameras that we didn’t know. Apparently there were some high school kids there and my balls were again floating around Irondequoit High School. And most notable, we welcomed 2000 in without our pants on.
4. The fact that when Decker and Detweiller spurt out their hate mongering, evil philosophy I can always count on Brendan to agree with me or vice versa
5. That he is still the only other witness to remember my family’s cat Willy rubbing his huge balls all over my brother Nate when we used to play video games.
6. And finally, Brendan’s stellar employment history. He worked a couple days at the brewery before going on IR but my favorite is the week or two he worked at Eckerd’s as a cashier. He fucked up a transaction and knew he did it. But when the manager questioned him about it and accused him of stealing the money he didn’t just explain the mistake. He told them, I’m not sure in these words to go fuck themselves and walked out. If anyone could turn a part-time job at a drug store into a Jerry McGuire situation it is Brendan.
And in conclusion, Brendan still owes me three dollars and will always be placed along side with Tarbox as a kid you can’t bet because they will never pay up.