The Wonderful World of Tampons

Back to other stuff I think

Tampons:they are mysterious, disgusting and a lot of fun to throw in people’s beers at parties.  But for along time, like the vaginas they go into, the equipment of menstruation protection have long escaped understanding by men.  There are so many questions.  Like how much blood do they actually soak up, what the hell is a panty liner, what the hell does it feel like to walk with one of those things stuffed up there?  Do they slide around when they get full?  Do they fall out when a girl runs?  What about swimming?  Does the vagina provide a watertight seal?  If so, why isn’t the military studying them for possible use in submarines?

But, on a side note I have to say I think its amazing what girls can stuff up there cooch.  I’ve seen, or been told about numerous stuff that girls fit up there, other than the normal ping pong balls and vegetable. Needless to say if I had a vagina I would be trying to put all sorts of things up there.  I’m not going to get into specifics but for starters lets just say that writing utensils would be a lot for fun.

First, Panty liners.  I had no clue these things existed until my senior year of college when I decided to go through a girl’s bathroom closet.  My first reaction, upon learning that it was self adhesive, was doesn’t this thing rip off you’re pubic hair? (I was making the assumption that this girl had some – too bad for her)  Apparently, panty liners stick to the panty’s and absorb the blood.  This leads me to one big question?  How do you get that thing to match up between you’re snatch and you’re underwear?  Like I’m sure you get it down after a couple of bleedings but what about the first time?  I’m sure most girls are just way off.  And what about thongs?  But this all leads me to my final conclusion that girls panties are disgusting.  Come on, they’re touching a thin cotton membrane that is located, as I speculate – not well located – to absorb blood and mucus and whatever else comes crawling out of that cavern.  Gross, but possibly even grosser is all the attempts I’ve made at sniffing panties and wearing them on my head.

Tampons.  I think I covered my basic questions about tampons.  But when doing the indepth research that was necessary for this piece, I discovered that tampons have been alleged to contain asbestos, dioxins and can cause toxic shock syndrome.  This just lends more evidence to the theory that anything fun can kill you.  I’m making the assumption that its fun to stick tampons up your pooter.  Back to the point, these things may kill you, no matter what the FDA may have said.  That being said, in conclusion, for the reasons stated above it is way better to have a huge boner..