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| MSN messenger: wildchildofthebluemoon@yahoo.com |
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| Now, I have to say I don't get ANY official advice questions to post to the website, but I am okay with that. Sometimes people ask me informal questions where they specifically request advice. I do give a lot of advice to friends without their specific request for it..I guess I wouldn't even call THAT advice, but I try to help people out a lot with issues they have. As of late, I had a few friends who needed advice on how to ask someone to be their significant other. I helped, along with the help of another friend of mine, and hey..it worked! So, here ya go: |
| Dear Friends, Communication and trust are the keys to any relationships. Trust comes with time and communication, and communication comes with trust. Sometimes in a relationship there comes a point where you might have a fight, and that is fine and normal for anyone. But, how to handle the fight is what keeps..or ends..a relationship. Now, pretty much anyone you talk to will tell you that you can't just ignore a fight or the roots of a fight. This is true, because beneath the surface you can find what the problem is and how to solve it. A lot of times though, neither person in an argument or fight takes time out to examine how they feel, how the other feels, what the real problem is, how to handle it. They don't take time to cool off either. A lot of times this causes more problems, though not always. Sometimes, it can cause one or more people to say something they don't mean, and, by accident, hurt their friend or significant others feelings. It can also have the opposite affect. It may be easier to say how you really feel and what you really want done. The thing to remember is to try and keep your thoughts straight, and when you are angry this isn't always easy so it is usually best to calm yourself (and let the other person calm down too). If either person thinks that they made a mistake, it is the benefit of the relationship to make a true apology. Apologize only once though because more than one apology can become annoying and make the other person even more frustrated or emotional. Then, space can be perfect. It takes awhile for a big fight to cool off and come to terms, and a lot of times all is needed is time. Each person needs to cope with whatever they are facing. Don't over communicate, but be available on both ends for compromise, apology, and being able to get your relationship going again. On the other side, lack of communication can also be a no-no in a relationship. A lot of times(and I know this from definite experience) we hold back how we feel about things and so does the other person. These things build up inside of us and something...even the tiniest little thing...can set them off. At this point, it can feel like you hate each other and would be better off by yourself, which isn't always the case. It is just built up feelings that could have had a bigger affect if taken one at a time. This is where you need to communicate and learn to compromise with each other. Like in the earlier scenario, give each other time to cool down but do not neglect the situation. If you feel left out, or say maybe your friend or significant other seems troubled or "weird," talk to them about it. This can make or break the relationship. Remember: Don't neglect a situation but don't be overbearing. Communication is a key part to any relationship and so is trust. Don't ruin them. Relationships take work. |
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| This is UNPROFESSIONAL ADVICE and is not recommended nor guranteed to help or remedy anyone or any situation. |
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| Dear Reader, As a Junior in high school, I can tell you that it is one of the hardest times in a persons life. One tries to find acceptance through many different routes and our lives are almost completely ruled by raging hormones. It can be tough sometimes and I doubt that there is a person out there who has never had even the slightest bit of "teenage angst." One hard thing for some of us through this journey to find ourselves is trying to find someone who can help us through that. A boyfriend or girlfriend is what many high schoolers are constantly searching for, but that is also one trial that many of us go through. We ask ourselves questions until our brain hurts just thinking about them: "I like them...do they like me? What if I ask them out and they say no? How do I even start to ask them out? If I ask them out and they say yes...where do we go from there? Should I ask them to their face...in a note...through a friend? What if I make a total IDIOT out of myself?" These questions are completely normal and at one point I can bet that everyone has asked themselves one of those exact questions or one close to them. Some of them have answers and some of them have answers that a common teenager could never foresee. My first tip of advice: test the waters. If you like a boy/girl, you will never know for sure if he/she likes you or not unless you ask them. However, you can look for signs to see if the said person is on your side. Do they like to hang out with you? Try it..not necessarily one-on-one but even with a group of people. It is usually best if you are friends before you become a couple with someone. That often times gurantees that a relationship will last longer. If you find that they at least like you a little bit. You then would want to get them to like you more. No matter of force will allow you to do this but just trying to be this persons friend will help. Flirt a little bit and give he/she subtle hints to let them know that you like them. Now, its time that you decide yes, you do want to be a couple with this person. There are many different ways in this world to ask that person out and some definitely work better than others. It especially depends on the individuals involved. Chances are that you know at least a small bit of information on what this person likes. Use that to your advantage. Try to be straightforward, many people find that it is flattering. It takes a lot of courage to ask someone out and if you can be straightforward about it then it shows this person that much more than you want to date them. Asking someone to their face is usually the best way to go. It can be awkward just anticipating that you are getting ready to ask him/her. You might even want to let them know that. You might mention "Hey..I'm kind of nervous right now..." and then that can lead to you asking them. You might even want to ask more generally as if "If I asked you to be my boyfriend/girlfriend right now...what would you say?" Be yourself. He/she will appreciate it and appreciate your efforts. If you are a close friend with the person you want to have as your significant other, it can make things more complicated. Remember though, if this person is as good of a friend as your believe them to be, they will understand where you are coming from and you should be able to talk to them. If they don't like you with the same intensity as you like them, it can make things awkward for awhile. If you respect them and their decision, let him/her know. It can make things easier in the long run and at this point, the focus will switch from trying to get this person to date you to trying to be better friends with them. You can never know what a person will say until you ask them yourself. Does he/she like you? Ask. Will they become your boyfriend/girlfriend? Ask. This is high school. These decisions can affect your entire life but at the same time, 10 years from now, will you still have beef with when you asked Tiffany out and she said no? Take risks, this is what high school is all about. If you get a new boyfriend/girlfriend, way to go! |
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