How To Drive Your
Roommate Insane #61-120
61. WHenever he/she goes to the shower, drop whatever you're doing, grab a towel, and go shower too.
62. Find out your rommate's post office box code.  Open it and take his/her mail. Do this for one month. After that, send the mail to him/her by UPS.
63. Collect all of your pencil shavings and sprinkle them on the floor.
64. Create an imaginary cat for a pet. Talk to it every night, act like you're holding it, keep a litter box under your desk.  After two weeks, say that you cat is missing. Put up signs in your dorm, blame your rommate.
65. Call your RA or CA whenever your rommate turns up his/her music.
66. Follow him/her around on weekends.
67. Sit on the floor and talk to the wall.
68. WHenever the phone rings, get up and answer the door.
69. Whenver someone knocks, answer the phone.
70. Take his/her underwear. Wear it.
71. Whenever your rommate is walking through the room, bump into him/her.
72. Stare at your rommate for five minutes out of every hour. Don't say anything just stare.
73. Tell your rommate that someone called and said that it was really important but you can't remember what it was.
74. Let mice loose in his/her room.
75. Give each of your walls a different name.  Whenever you can't answer a problem, ask each of your walls.  Write down their responses, then ask your ceiling for the final answer.  Complain to your roommate that you don't trust your ceiling.
76. Take your rommate's papers and hand them in as your own.
77. Skip to the bathroom.
78. Take all of your roommate's furniture and build a fort.  Guard the fort for an entire weekend.
79. Gather up a garbage bag full of leaves and throw them in a pile in his/her room.  Jump in them.  Comment about the beautiful foliage.
80. When you walk into your room, turn off your lights.  Turn them on when you leave.
81. Print up satanic signs and leave them in your room where he/she can find them.
82. Whenever you're on the phone and he/she walks in, hang up immediately without saying anything and crawl under your desk.  Sit there for two minutes then call whoever it was back.
83. INsist on writing the entire lyrics to American Pie on your ceiling above your bed.  Sing them every night before you go to bed.
84. Use a bible as kleenex.  Yell at your rommate if they say Jesus or God damnit.
85. Burn incense.
86. Eat moths.
87. Buy Sea Monkeys and grow them.  Name one after your roommate.  Announce the next day that one died.  Name another one after your roommate.  The next day say that died.  Keep this up until they all die.
89. Refuse to communicate in anything but sign language.
90. Eat a bag of marshmallows before you go to bed.  The next day, spray three bottles of whipped cream all over your floor.  Say you got sick.
91. Wipe deodorant all over your roommate's walls.
92. If you know that he/she is in the room, come barging in out of breath.  Ask if they saw a fat bald naked Tibetan man run through carrying a hundred dollar bill.  Run back out swearing.
93. Leave apple cores on his/her bed.
94. Keep feces in your fridge.  Complain that there is never anything to eat.
95. Pee in a jar and leave it by your bed.  When your rommate isn't looking, replace it with a jar of apple juice.  Wait until your roommate turns around.  Drink it.
96. Don't ever flush.
97. Buy an inflatable doll.  Sleep with it.
98. Hang stuffed animals with nooses from your ceiling.  Whenever you walk by them mutter, "You shouldn't have done that to me."
99. Lick him/her while they are asleep.
100.Dress in drag.
101. Be on the phone 5 hours a day with some hussy in Philly.
102. Kill a man.  Keep him under your bed.  Pretend he doesn't smell.
103. Masturbate regularly a lot and without shame.  Tell your roommate you feel it should be more socially acceptable and you are doing your part.
104. Try not washing.  For a semester.
105. Spend a lot of time high.
106. Make brown-bag lunches for your roommate every morning.  Give them to him/her before he/she goes to class.
107. Every time you enter the room, sit in a chair, lean back too far, and fall over backwards.  Laugh hysterically for about ten minutes.  Then, one day, repeat the falling-over exercise, but instead of laughing, get up, look at the chair sternly, and say, "It's not funny anymore.
108. Read with a flashlight when the lights are on.  Pretend to read without one when the lights are out, remarking every so often how great the book is.
109. Get a surfboard.  Put it on your bed.  Stand on it, and pretend to surf for about 15 minutes.  Then, pretend to "wipe out" and fall off the bed onto the floor.  Pretend you are drowning until your roommate comes over to "rescue" you.
110. Keep a hamster as a pet.  Buy a blender and make milkshakes every day.  Then, one day, get rid of the hamster.  Make a shake using a lot of ketchup.  When your roommate comes in, look at the shake, look at the empty cage, and tell your roommate, "I was curious."
111. Make toast for breakfast every morning, but don't plug the toaster in.  Eat plain bread, looking at the toaster angrily, and complain that the toaster doesn't know what its doing.  If your roommate suggests plugging it in, go on a tangest about fire-safety hazards.
112. Pack up all of your things and tell your roommate that you're going away to "find yourself."  Leave, and come back in about ten minutes.  If your roommate asks, explain that you're not a hard man to find.
113. Never speak to your roommate directly.  If you need to ask or tell him/her something, go to another room and call him/her on the phone.
114. Every night, before you go to bed, beg your roommate for a glass of water.  When he/she brings it, dump it on the floor and immediately go to sleep.  If he/she ever refuses to bring you a glass of water, lie on the bed and pretend to be dying of dehydration, making annoying gagging sounds until he/she does so.
115. Every time the phone rings, turn on the stereo at full volume and begin to violently slam-dance with your roommate.  If he/she asks about it, say, "Oh, that damn hypnotist..."
116. Hang a picture of your roommate on the wall.  Throw darts at it.  Smile at your roommate often, saying things like, "How nice to see you again."
11?7. Get a can of beans.  Leabel them, "Jumping beans." Eat them and then jump around the room.  Get another can of beans and label them "Dancing beans."  Eat them and then dance around the room.  Get another can of beans.  Label them, "Kill your roommate beans." Eat them, smiling at your roommate.
118. Every time your rommate falls asleep, wait ten minutes, and then wake him/her up and say, "it's time to go to bed now."
119. Insist that your roommate recite the "Pledge of Allegiance" with you every morning.
120. Recite "Dr. Seuss" books all the time.  Eventually, think up melodies for the words and sing them, loudly, directly to your roommate.  If he/she tells you to stop, act offended and spend the day in bed.
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