Beautifully Parallel

Pain that I wish could be mind numbing so I wouldn't have to think anymore. I am one fucked up child. FUCK. fuckfuckfuck. The trick is do to it quick. Sliding, slick over the skin of your innocent daughter. That's one big stick up your strict ass. I've been kicked down. It's all your fault. I want it to rain. I wan't to run around in the backyard in the rain. Just me and the rain and the grass. Lightning sounds good. Lots of lightning. More than anyone ever thought possible. Maybe I'll get struck by lightning and then win the lottery. I'm just too fucked up. I may go hit my head against the wall a few thousand times if the clock doesn't move faster. Again and again. Or maybe another visit to the shower. Shave. Avoiding arms.

I can't even tell myself that my tears were wasted, because I know they weren't. There's no reason for me to believe that, even if it might make it easier to let things be. Life just keeps throwing things in my direction that I don't know how to deal with. I'm not going to say that it's not fair, because that would sound even more immature than I've already proved myself to be. I know that he withholds his feelings for his own protection, but if I don't hear them, then I find myself constantly loosing faith. I think it might be one of those things. You have to learn to love yourself kind of things. If I need constant reassuance that I'm the least bit loveable then I'm just a very very sad human being. -Away message

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