| Resurrection Written by Junipertree |
| I looked at all my fics, and stood there in half-shock. "I haven’t written a TP fic in ages!" I said. "I’ve been spending all my time pigging out on popsicles and writing stupid ML humor fics! I must do something short and witty to win back my readers!!" I winced, knowing what was coming. "Self-insertion," I groaned. I then snapped my fingers and appeared in Tortall at the palace. "Okay," I said, pacing back and forth. "I must have something original… witty… not your average Travel-to-Tortall fic. Something fun… I know! I’ll resurrect everybody!" I clapped my hands when I said each name. "Thom! Liam! Faithful! Roger! Francis! Claw! Delia! Josiane!… geez, most of these guys are evil… Ozorne! Rikash! A bunch of kittens! Joren!" and with a flourish, they were all standing there. "Mua ha ha ha ha!" Roger laughed evilly. "I knew someone would do it eventually! Now I can rule the world evilly and tyrannically!" and he ran off, presumably to go kill Alanna. "Oops." I said, just noticing that Claw had run off as well (presumably to go kill George) and Ozorne (presumably to go kill Daine). "Oh, well. I never really liked Daine anyway." I shrugged. Rikash just stood there, staring at himself. "Now the psychiatrist said I had to look beyond mundane matters, to understand what I truly feel," he muttered while the kittens purred at his legs. Liam blinked, and then began posing. "Do you think I could be a supermodel?" he asked Rikash. "I mean, think of all the chicks, man." Francis of Nond stamped his foot on the ground. "I’m only supposed to be a minor character! And I’m dead, dammit, I’m dead!! Put me back right now!" Thom smiled slowly. "Ha! Now I can show that Numy Salamlin who’s boss! I could kick his ass any day! Bring it on!" Delia was snarling at Josiane. "You slut! What did you say about my tits, you fat ass ho?!?" "What tits?" Josiane snarled back. Joren was on a huge featherbed, muttering in his sleep. "Food, fightin’ and fornication…" he rolled over onto an attractive woman lying there. Faithful just gave me ‘The Look’. "I know, I know," I said. "I shouldn’t do this… but hey, I’ve done worse things than this in my fics. Give me a break. I’ve been writing dumb humor fics for the past like month. It takes a while to get serious." At just that moment, all the main characters came out waving brooms, rakes, hoes, and shovels, threatening a bloody death. Then they looked at what they held. "It’s not manly!" wailed Raoul. "Why did I have to come out threatening death with a toilet plunger?!?" King Jonathan looked at what he was holding, blushed, and shoved it in his pocket. Faithful snickered. Yes, it’s wonderful to see the King of Tortall threatening death with a condom. He turned back to me. Maybe you should stay a while, kid. But finish it up quick. I shook my head, snapping myself out of a daydream. "Uh, Numair dies a tragic death, Daine and Neal get married, Cleon finds out Kel is his long-lost sister and they can’t marry, and Alanna and George make up." Everyone just stared. "Soap operas," I muttered. "I’ve been watching way too many soap operas. Okaaay- how about none of this has happened, nobody kills me, and oh-" I faced some unknown audience. "Disclaimer: I do not own any of Tamora Pierce’s characters, places, objects, plots or ideas, so please don’t sue me." Everyone just stared harder, if that was possible. Then they raised their assorted weapons. "Bye!" I squeaked, and popped out of there to land at my computer with a WHOOMPH! "Ah, That ought to do it," I said, satisfied, and typed up the fic and uploaded it. ~ The End ~ |