Written by Lia of Fort Hill
Alanna: the First Adventure
Alanna: I don’t want to be a lady.
Ralon: I’m going to hurt you.
Roger: Don’t go to the Black City, Jonathan.
Jon: Let’s go, Alan!
Ysandir: Ouch.
*****************
In the Hand of the Goddess
Great Mother Goddess: Here’s a cat and a amulet.
Alanna: Thanks.
Faithful: I’m cool.
Roger: I’m evil.
Jon: I think I’m the best.
Thom: I KNOW I’m the best.
Roger: Die!
Alanna: (Kills Roger)
*********************
The Woman Who Rides Like a Man
Alanna: I’m going to the desert.
Halef Seif: We’re going to adopt you.
Akhan Ibn Nazzir: You are a demon! And evil!
(Akhan Ibn Nazzir and Alanna fight. Alanna wins.)
Halef Seif: You are the shaman now.
Ishak: I must have the crystal sword.
Alanna: Jon, you’re a jerk. Go away.
(Alanna goes to George’s house in Port Caynn, and then goes to the desert.)
Sorceress of Alois: Give this to Halef Seif.
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Lioness Rampant
Alanna: I’m bored, so I’ll go get the Dominion Jewel.
Liam: I’m a wimp.
Buri: I’m going to Tortall with Thayet.
(Buri, Thayet, Liam, and Alanna go to the Roof of the World.)
Alanna: Chitral, I will defeat you!
Roger: I’m back, and I’m out to kill Jon and Alanna!
Thom: (dies, tragically)
Alanna: (kills Roger)
George: Marry me, Alanna. Please.
Alanna: Sure.
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The Squashed Immortals
Wild Magic
Daine: My family is dead.
Onua: Too bad. You can be my assistant.
Stormwings: (attack) Ouch.
Onua: (stares at Daine, slack-jawed because she’s so GOOD)
Numair: Save me!
Daine: (tries to help Numair and fails) Waaah!
Alanna: I’ll heal you.
Numair: You have wild magic, Daine.
(Carthaki people attack)
Flamewing: (dies, bravely, and leaves behind Kitten for Daine to care for)
**********************
Wolf-Speaker
Daine: I HATE STORMWINGS!
Badger: You can be any of us, call any of us…
Cloud: Ouch.
Long Lake Pack: We’re wolves.
Maura: I don’t like wolves…
Tristan and Yolane: We’re going to overthrow King Jonathan!
Daine: Not if I have anything to say about it.
(Daine saves Dunlath)
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Emperor Mage
Daine: Look at that… and that… and that…
Kaddar: I’m a wimp.
Ozorne: I’m evil.
Graveyard Hag: Now you can raise the dead.
Varice: Numair is dead.
(Daine gets really, really mad and runs over the palace with dinosaurs)
Numair: I’m alive, Magelet.
Ozorne: (turns into a Stormwing)
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The Realms of the Gods
King Jonathan: Go and kill these almost invulnerable immortals.
Numair and Daine: Okay.
(Numair and Daine get transported to the Realms of the Gods)
Weiryn: I am your father, Daine…
Daine: I DID NOT STEAL KITTEN!
(Daine and Numair go to Port Caynn)
Daine: Die, Ozorne! (Kills him)
Great Gods: Do you want to be a goddess?
Daine: (thinks) No.
Numair: (Kills Inar Hadensra) Will you marry me?
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The Squashed Protector of the Small
First Test
Kel: I want to be a page.
King Jon: You can, but you have to do a probationary year.
Kel: I’ll do it, but I won’t like it.
Joren: (hazes the smaller pages)
Kel and Neal: (get in fight with Joren) I fell down.
Lord Wyldon: You can stay.
************
Page
Kel: I’m here again!
Lalasa: I’m timid.
Owen: I say “Jolly” a LOT.
Cleon: I actually treat Kel like a girl.
Joren: I’m evil.
Kel: (looks at Neal, dreamily)
Criminals: (kidnap Lalasa)
Kel: (rescues her)
***********************
Squire
Kel: I’m a squire! Take that, Joren!
Sir Raoul: Will you be my squire?
Kel: Sure.
(Kel and Sir Raoul go all over the country)
Magistrate: Pay up, Stone Mountain.
Joren: (dies)
Cleon: Sunrise …
The Chamber: Go and get rid of these machines.
Kel: I’m a knight at last.
************************
Lady Knight
(This is based on excerpts from Tamora Pierce’s web page.)
Kel: I’m going back into the Chamber.
Chamber: You again.
Kel: I’m at some refugee camp.
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The Squashed Circle of Magic
Sandry’s Book/The Magic in the Weaving
Sandry: Waah! My parents are dead!
Tris: Waah! Everybody hates me!
Daja: Waah! I’ve been shipwrecked!
Briar: Waah! I’m going to the docks!
Niko: I’ll save you.
(Sandry, Daja, Tris and Briar save everybody, but Sandry saves them the most)
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Tris’ Book/The Power in the Storm
Aymery: I’m working for the pirates. Tris, go to your parents.
Tris: No.
(Boom-stone explodes)
Tris: (Raises really big storm)
Enahar: I’m evil!
(Sandry, Daja, Tris and Briar save everybody, but Tris saves them the most)
**********************
Daja’s Book/The Fire in the Forging
Daja: Look at my nice metal vine!
Sandry: I zapped a thread!
Briar: I fried some plants!
Sandry: (untangles magics)
(Sandry, Daja, Tris and Briar save everybody, but Daja saves them the most)
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Briar’s Book/ The Healing in the Vine
Briar: It’s an epidemic!
Crane: I fire ten people a day!
Rosethorn: (catches blue pox)
Rosethorn: (dies, but gets brought back)
(Sandry, Daja, Tris and Briar save Rosethorn, but Briar saves her the most)
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
The Squashed The Circle Opens
Magic Steps
Pasco: (Does a little dance)
Sandry: Gods. Now I have to teach you.
Dihanurs: (Kill Rokats)
Pasco: (Does a dance)
Sandry: (Makes a net out of unmagic)
(Pasco and Sandry save everybody, the Dihanurs die)
*********************
Street Magic
Evvy: (Magics some rocks)
Briar: Gods. Now I have to teach you.
Evvy: But I don’t want to be taught.
Vipers: (Try and get Evvy to join)
Lady Zenadia: (Kills people)
Evvy: (Magics some more rocks)
Briar: (Does some stuff with trees and makes them tear up a house)
(Briar and Evvy save everybody, Lady Zenadia dies)
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Cold Fire
Nia and Jory: (Magic things)
Daja: Thank the gods. You need teachers.
Ben: (Sets a LOT of fires.)
Nia and Jory: (Magic some wood and food)
Daja: (Walks around in a fire)
(Nia, Jory and Daja save everybody, Ben dies)
*******************************
Shatterglass (not out yet)
Keth: I need a teacher.
Tris: Gods. Now I have to teach you.
(I don’t know what happens here)
Keth: (Magics some glass)
Tris: (Magics the weather)
(Keth and Tris save everybody and the serial killer dies.)