Groggily, we stepped off the ferry at Naxos without a clue of what lay ahead. We had decided just to get a room from a random guy at the port, rather than actually do some research into where we would be sleeping with our trusted possessions. We approached the 'Tourist Office' and he showed us pictures of a nice looking hotel apparently 'in the middle of town', which was absolutely brimming with young people. Ted and I, accompanied by the TJs had to get taxis to this supposedly 'heavenly' hotel. The drivers must have taken the scenic route, as the drive (which took 20 minutes) could be accomplished by foot in about 10, as we discovered to our displeasure later in the day. We arrived at a very cold-looking and very empty hotel. After about 10 minutes wait, the owner, who spoke a tiny amount of English, showed us to our 'luxurious apartment' which the 5 of us would be sharing for 2 nights. It was complete hole. We realised that this was formerly a storage closet, because of the word 'storage' cunningly disguised by the transparent tape that had been fixed over it, to keep it hidden. Inside lay 2 double beds, a camp bed, a (non-functioning) fridge, a (non-functioning) stove, and the least secure doors and windows imaginable; and yet again, a shower without a curtain. How fun! Ted and I shared one 'sex-bed', whilst Judge and Jazz squeezed into the other, with Dani (the smallest of the group) having the luxury of the tiny camp bed. It was barely worth the 8 Euros a night each that we were paying.
The place was so unbearable that we went into Naxos Town to explore and get some lunch. As we left, we noticed the pool, the hotel's only redeeming feature. The walk took us through the outskirts of a town that clearly had nothing special about it, apart from a cinema that showed films in English that nobody wanted to see. We walked along the waterfront and noticed about 50 places to eat, but none actually serving anything that could be described as edible, and made the TJs retch at the idea of eating another dodgy gyro. We eventually stumbled upon a place that looked reasonably civilised, and feeling slightly frustrated sat down to order. As soon as we had done so, all hell broke loose. Children wailed, workmen drilled, and random men shouted insults at Dani. We all needed cheering up, so we treated ourselves to home comforts such as cheeseburgers and coke. When they arrived however, we were disappointed, as we couldn't recognise a single thing that we had ordered. We ate quickly, paid and left. There must be something to do in this crappy town, but we never really found it. We sat on the skanky beach, skimming stones and throwing rocks at random bathers, and then moved on. We saw a monument in the distance, and went to conquer it. It was beautiful to behold, glimmering in the clear blue sky, and in the foreground in the cleanest, purest water I have ever seen. Naturally, we had to Brucie it, accompanied by some classic tomfoolery pictures. However, there is only so much bruceying that one monument can take, and I'm sure the Greek Antiquities Association wouldn't have approved, so we moved on. The cliffs beyond, and the water below proved far too tempting, and so, prompted by the Judge, we all (bar Jazz) jumped into the unknown depths and had a great time, a great memory - cheers lads.
The rest of the afternoon involved buying pornographic playing cards, swimming in the hotel pool, and laughing at Andrew, who once again broke down in an ill-fest of massive proportions. I don't know whether it was the famous TJ intolerance of any slightly dodgy food (Ted and I being trained up by countless nights out in Salisbury and trips to Chick-o-land), or his continuing resentment of his actions in Corfu, but nevertheless, he was out for the count for the rest of the day.
That night, eager to continue our Ali-Baba style eating patterns, we found an 'Eastern Restaurant' owned by (surprise, surprise) another Englishman. There was however something very amusing about this man; he was the spitting image of Ben Stiller's character in the film 'Happy Gilmore'. We all sat and giggled as we ate our delicious meal, accompanied by cheap beer. We then went to one of the town's more 'happening' bars, which was only slightly full. Ted and I praised the Lord as we had our first Bitter for 2 months (John Smith's), and watched with glee as Judge and Dani began to slur after 2 bottles of beer. Hoorah, the entertainment. We passed an internet cafe, where the TJs enquired about watching Stanley Cup Ice Hockey, and played an arcade for a while, before eventually returning home to get a night's sleep in another small double bed. We did however notice an abundance of noise coming from a kitten sitting outside our hotel; however, I was too tired to rescue it, realising that it was probably the property of the hotel..zzzzzz...zzzzz...zzzzz
We awoke in what had become a plague-room, and decided to head to the beach for a day's frolicking (only after a trip to the local bakery to grab the traditional Greek giant donut and Pain au chocolat). We walked into town and got the bus to a recommended beach from the guidebook. The day was spent working on tannage, beach-football and some rather nervy penalty shoot-outs in which we predicted that England would beat Argentina, but lose to Brazil (spooky huh?). We also predicted that Canada would beat the USA (despite Canada's failure to reach the World Cup)!
We returned in the late afternoon, ogling the only other young person on the hotel (a Swedish girl holidaying with her parents and young brother). Again, we went to the Eastern restaurant for supper, with even Jazzman joining us in eating! Ted and I had vindaloos accompanied by large glasses of Mykos (the only Greek beer). Ted's eyes were playing up however, and he had to return to the hotel to take out his contacts, leaving me the rest of his vindaloo, and an additional large beer to finish, along with my current 2. I then had my picture taken with 'Ben Stiller', and we adjourned to the Internet cafe. Ted eventually rejoined our company in the Internet cafe, where the TJs were engrossed in Stanley Cup reruns from a couple of games back. Ted spent the evening completing Virtua Striker (the big nerd) and flicking peanuts at the TJs from afar. We returned to the hotel at about 2, where I played with a kitten who we named 'Tabithar'.
Time to move on again, thank god. We packed up our stuff, whilst the vengeful TJs attempted to destroy the room by damaging furniture and flushing the toilet paper down the loo (an unheard of practice in Greece - leading to very, VERY smelly bathrooms). We went upstairs to check out, where the owner sneakily tried to knock on an extra 20 Euros for our stay. This got Dani mad. He had had enough on this trip, and had finally cracked:
"I'm not paying 20 f**king Euros for that sh**hole downstairs!"
"Yes you will, look at contract" It had subtly been crossed out and had 20 Euros added
"No, the deal was for 8 Euros each per night"
"You WILL pay!"
"No I f**king won't! We know that you kept us in a storage closet! If you would prefer, I will call the police and see what they have to say. You broke a contract, and that is against EU law" The Greek owner grimaced and said
"You are clever boy...get out" and with that, we left, thanking the lord that the owner had given Zack back his passport before the argument. We made our way to the port and looked around for dodgy men ready to break our legs. We had had some fun, but it was time to leave this craphole of an island.