Yesterdays

The football that one of the young men had kicked comes sailing at him. He catches it with ease. Apparently it is a mixed group playing a catch as catch can game. He sees his younger son waving his hands, expecting a long pass. He obliges. His arm snaps back for a long pass, and away the ball sails. His son catches it easily, more than a hundred yards away. As a boy, the pleasures of sports were denied him, as a man he enjoyed the fact that he wasn’t too bad at some things.

One of the young men comes up to him. "You here for the graduation? It's going to be held in the main Auditorium." He says, pointing. "It's by invitation only so there's no trouble."

"Hey, Jack, it's my dad. He should know, he set up the security."

Jack looks startled. "I'm sorry, Regent Daniels. I didn't recognize you."

Tom laughs. "I'm here to see one of my son's graduation. I'm not here as regent. Call me Tom."

The tall redhead with streaks of gray comes over to him. "It seems that it doesn't matter, boys will be boys. Young man, you go get dressed. I'm not going to have you all grass stained at your brother's graduation. And where's your sister? She's supposed to be there too."

"Mom, I've got more than an hour! Besides I'm dressed already. See, no grass stains. And I have no idea where she went, she said she'd be there but I haven't seen her today."

"Sloan, leave him alone. He'll be there. Tom, no more than 30 minutes, you hear. Or I'll send some one after you. Let's go, I bet she's already there." His father said.

He looked at her, his companion in good and bad times. Time had put a few pounds on her, but he was glad. She looked lush and vibrant. They'd never married but that didn't stop humans from referring to her as his wife, she was much more. They didn't understand.

He sat by her side and watched his first born graduate from college. What most in the audience didn't know was that this was only the first graduation ceremony taking place here today. The other would be this evening. Much quieter and with less pomp. The first graduation of the new breed of chameleons, the undercover agents of the coalition. Human and Dominant working together and separate from the government. They couldn't be betrayed as he was. Halfway through the ceremony someone comes and sits beside him.

He knows who it was. He didn't have to look. He felt a hand come over and interlace with his, and a voice whisper in his ear. "Tom, you're gonna have to present the badges to the graduates tonight. Something's up and Lewis took a powder."

JC was co-commander with Lewis. In charge of the humans who were to be in the chameleon program. If Lewis is gone, there's trouble. He better find out what it was.

He leans over to her. "Sloan, there's trouble. I'm going to check it out. You stay here, there's plenty of security." He kisses her cheek and takes off with JC.

They take off towards the campus security offices. They are halfway there when Lewis strides up and stops them. "I thought you took a powder." Says Tom.

"You'd believe JC before you'd believe me, even now. Look." He points to a hill overlooking the campus and Tom sees her. He hasn't seen her in several years. She stands there just looking over the campus, not even looking at them. The ache he thought he had left behind years ago comes back. "Even though the donation that built this campus was anonymous, you know it came from her. How many others could donate a half billion dollars and not acknowledge it? How many would? You need to talk to her. You know she came to see you."

Lewis was right. She had come to see him, maybe from a distance, but she had come. "Keep Sloan away. She doesn't need to know about this, about how things were long ago." He trudges up the hill, wondering where he'd be, who he'd be if he had stayed with her as he'd wished those long years ago.

He comes up to her and touches her shoulder, feeling the ripple of power she had run through him. "Hello, young one. I came to see what you had accomplished. You've done well. I congratulate you and your son. I understand he graduates today."

"That's not why you're here, is it, Amerana? You came to see me. How many other times have you done this? Appear someplace public in hopes of seeing me? Come to my office. We have to talk, we have years to catch up on."

He puts his arm around her shoulder and guides her. "If you resist, I'll carry you. You don't want a scene in public, do you? Your anonymity might be lost." She looks at him with anger in her eyes but lets him lead her. Lewis and JC follow at a safe distance.

He leads her into his office and shuts the door. "You forget yourself, young one. Why would I come to grovel at your feet? Soon you will be dust and I will live on."

He looks at her. She has not changed a hair; nothing is different. He knows her anger is feigned, fake. Years ago she could have fooled him but not now. She still hasn't said his name. She hasn't said it in years. Even before she stopped seeing him. If he called she would give him anything he wished, anything but her presence. He must have cut her to the bone when he left; he was doing it still.

He walks towards her, standing right in front of her, inches away. He wraps his arms around her and feels her strength, her power and it calms the ache. "Amerana, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you. I wish I could stop it. I don't want to give you more grief."

She stands still for several minutes letting him hold her. When he thinks she will stay silent, her arms creep around him. She holds him close and he feels her shudder. "It's not your fault, young one. I was foolish. You must pay for everything you receive. You gave me great joy. But it must be paid for. So I pay. Do not blame yourself."

'Then say my name. I have not heard my name on your lips for many years. Have I hurt you so badly that you can't say my name?"

"No, but do you really want to hear me say your name?" She reaches up and runs a finger over his lips. "I fear if I say your name I will wish more than just your touch." She whispers. Her eyes grow liquid with tears but she will not let them fall. She has cried for no mortal in centuries, he will not be the first.

He nestles her face into his shoulder and they stand together for some time. "Amerana, thank you for the college. Without your donation it never could've been built."

She gently pulls away from him and walks to a window. She sees him behind her, reflected in the glass. "Others would have helped, eventually. I was just the first." She knew when to drop a facade.

He was going to ask the question that had plagued him for years, one he should have asked long ago, but didn't know how. "Amerana, do you love me?" A question he didn't want to know the answer to but had to ask.

She touched his reflection in the glass. She wouldn't lie to him. She never had. "Do you really want to know?"

He shook his head. "No, but I need to. After all this time, I need to know. I know it won't make any difference. I could never leave Sloan, and you wouldn't let me if I could. Amerana, I love you, not in the way I love her, but I do love you. I've grown older and wiser. What we had was special, but I don't want you to leave me, it can become something else."

"Yes, Tom. I let you creep into my heart, those many years ago. I thought I could never love again. I tried so hard not to and you came. You needed to grow and become something other than what you were. I helped to shape you. I'm proud of that. But the person I helped shape you into was someone I could love. I didn't mean to do that. You stopped being a toy to me long ago. Please forgive me for that."

He goes to her and holds her again. "There's nothing to forgive. Try to see me more often. We can try to shape what we have to something new. Something that won't hurt you so much."

"And how do you explain to her that you are spending time with a woman half your age? Not possible, young…Tom. No, it would have been better if we had never talked…Your life science building really needs a new wing, you'll have the money in the morning." She heads for the door.

She opens it and both JC and Lewis are standing there, barring her path. "No, Amerana, we finish this, here, today. I don't want it hanging over my head forever.

"Amerana, meet JC Adamsen. You know Lewis. Bring her in. You might as well come in as well."

"JC, show her your arms." JC stretches out his arms to show her the spider web of scars across them. "JC once tried to kill himself, didn't you JC? Why? Tell her, and tell her why you're here today."

JC nods and asks, "Are you sure, Tom?"

Tom nods. "She needs to know. I was once very close to her and I hurt her. I think I hurt her still. Do I hurt you still, JC?"

He shrugs. "Sometimes, but it can be managed. I tried to die because I love him, still do sometimes. But I can deal with it. I thought I'd cause his death, everyone else around me that I cared for died. Tom made me want to live, at first for him. Later I could see I needed to live for me, so I do."

"You said everything has to be paid for. I hurt almost everyone who is close to me. That's how I pay. Let's see if we can work it out. I worked it out with JC. Let me work it out with you."

She turns to look at him. She still sees the very young man with a gun, the one who killed her without a thought, and shakes her head. "It's bad enough I came here and you saw me. If I stay and try to work something out, I may come between you and your love. I cannot do that. I will not do that. Call me. I promise I will see you again, but only if she allows it."

"What can I tell her about you?"

She walks up to him and puts her hand to the side of his cheek. "Anything you wish." She reaches up to bury her nose in his neck and smell his scent, as he did to her. "Farewell." He reaches down and kisses her gently.

She turns to leave and Lewis stops her. "Amerana." He tilts his head to the side, baring his neck. She performs the same ritual to Lewis. She puts her hand out to JC and says, "I hope to see you again."

He shakes her hand and pulls her close. Instead of bearing his neck as the other men had he kisses her thoroughly. "Sometimes living is harder than dying. If I can do it so can you." She touches his face and looks into his eyes. She nods and then leaves. She pauses at the door. "Tom, I'll try. We can do something. I don't know what, but something."

He watches her leave, hoping this time, he'd made strides to repairing one of the lives he'd broken. There were so many people he'd hurt; so many he'd helped. He didn't know if he'd ever balance the scales but he could try.