“Yes,” she said firmly, her confidence wavering slightly, and again he heard the soft laughter.
Hotohori gave her a boyish grin and then covered her mouth with his own, pushing her over, almost as though he was forcing his kiss on her, but she was not complaining. He was teasing her again, for he suddenly pulled away, sitting up. “Hmm… you’re right… cards would be more interesting…”
She glared, pride tugging her to make a rejoinder to that, but she could think of no reply. Instead, she slowly sat up, gazing at him steadily. “Shall I prove to you your mistake?”
He smiled at her, almost a smirk. “Try to do so. The emperor is always right.”
She leaned over to him, letting him catch of glimpse of cleavage as she did so, trailing a finger down his chest. “Oh, is he?”
She felt more than saw him shiver. “Yes,” he said, and his voice was not quite as confident as it had been.
She tilted her head slightly, kissing his neck lightly, barely brushing it with her lips. He moved a bit so as to aid her. “Hotohori-sama…” she murmured in between kisses. His hands shifted to her shoulders, drawing her closer to him. His movement changed after a moment, sliding her robe off her shoulders.
For once, she did not care. Still spilling kisses onto his neck and cheek, she angled her arms so that it dropped off her shoulders. Pulling her arms free, she rested one on his waist and delicately raised her other to finger one of his nipples. He made a soft noise and she felt her heart start to race. He was so beautiful… so perfect…
His hands cupped her breasts and a shiver ran through her. Is this what Houki felt every night? She shut her eyes, leaning her head against Hotohori’s shoulder, touching him and letting him touch her.
Safe… the emotion that was the most prevalent was that of complete safety. And love… he loved her… he loved her…
The tears came to her eyes again, but she forced them away. Even if it was a lie for eternity, it was true for now.
He gently rested her on the bed, kissing her on the mouth, kissing her on her cheeks, kissing her neck, her collarbone, her breasts…
His lips lingered over her left breast, gently taking her nipple into his mouth, not quite biting, but deliberately not being as gentle as he could. She was not at all sure what she was feeling, but it was distracting her from the private misery she was desperately trying not to harbor.
She shut her eyes, allowing, nearly silently, his hands and mouth to explore her body. She noted with a bit of surprise that a sheen of sweat sparkled over her forehead. Never in his short life had Nuriko experienced the sensations that he was now being given… but then again, he hadn’t been a woman either.
In some ways it was not nearly as romantic as she had always pictured. Had she been calm, sane, rational, and not completely in love with the man before her, she would have not taken as well to the idea that someone’s mouth- more specifically, his saliva- would be on her body. Yet there was something different. This was an act of love- at least for Nuriko- that made the intimacy of the act acceptable, desirable. She reached her arm down to touch his hair lightly, kissing the top of his head, struggling to maintain control of her emotions and her desires, and losing on both ends.
He pulled away from her, then raised his dark eyes to hers. Suddenly in that moment, he looked younger than she had ever seen him, weak, vulnerable, helpless. “Houki…” he said softly. “I’m afraid.”
Her arms were around him in barely a moment, holding him, supporting him, comforting him. “Hotohori-sama… everything will be all right…”
Skin against skin… This sensation she had never felt before either. It was smoother than the softest silk she had ever worn, than swimming in a cool, clear lake, than anything. It was perhaps this feeling that persuaded her to lower her hands, resting them on the waistband of his pants, then to look to him silently.
He gave her a small smile. “You seem different tonight, my love… Are you that worried about me?”
She turned her eyes away. No, I’m really the man who has loved you for two years silently, desperately, painfully, in the body of your wife, seducing you and loving it and hating myself. But she did not say that. Her head jerked in a slight nod, stiff, unsure.
He leaned forward, parting her lips with his own. A little startled, she began to pull away, but his hand insisted that she stay. After a moment, she grew used to the intrusion of his breath in her mouth, but was not quite prepared when his tongue slipped in as well. She froze a moment, but then forced herself to relax. After all, it couldn’t have been the first time Houki had ever been kissed like this.
But it was Nuriko’s.
Hotohori pulled away from her, eyes downcast. “Are you upset at me then? You seem so quiet…”
Something struck her hard in the center of her chest. The tears were beginning to well up in her eyes again. Perhaps it was a good thing that they could never have been lovers. In just one night, Nuriko was already managing to hurt him. “Hotohori-sama…” she whispered, her voice so low she wondered if she had even spoken.
His deep eyes, starlight from the slightly-cracked window dancing across them, raised to her. “You’ve been calling me that…”
Her eyes widened, but they were still down, so she prayed he could not see. “Forgive me, heika.” She was almost shaking. She pulled her arms around herself. It was suddenly so cold. The light sweat on her body was stealing her warmth. She suddenly felt naked, ashamed.
“Houki…” he said softly, and he reached out a hand to touch her arm. “Please look at me.”
She did as he commanded, moving her eyes to his, the most beautiful in the world, and she saw the worry there. Her eyebrows lowered slightly. He was worried about her?
“Let’s not fret about anything tonight,” he said, and his voice was so gentle and kind and sweet that she wanted to cry. “Let’s just be happy.”
She nodded slowly. He was right. She was being selfish by focusing on herself. She needed to please him.
Without another word, she slipped her robe off completely, tossing it in the corner of the room casually. Her voice was tight, but she tried to pretend that it was just husky. “Well, then, heika-sama… make me happy.” She turned her eyes to him, and was very satisfied to see him look slightly surprised and impressed.
Because Nuriko knew what to look for, she could see well what she was doing to him. She hid a smile as she slowly leaned down, lounging on the bed, her legs carefully crossed so that nothing too intimate could really be seen. She rested simply on one elbow, her other arm draped across her pale stomach, inviting.
She had never seen the emperor like this and it was quite amusing. Her smile fell slightly as she realized that if he knew the truth, he would not be like this, but she forced herself to remember his admonition. She had to be happy.
He looked a bit perturbed for a moment and then stood up. Blinking, she watched him, unsure what he was doing.
He looked a bit embarrassed as he squirmed rather ungracefully out of his pants and then moved onto the bed again. His face held traces of pink. “How to ruin the mood,” he murmured shyly.
She laughed, sudden joy spreading over her. Her dream was true. He had held her, but not her, he had kissed her, but not her, he loved her, but not her. But it was good enough for right now.
It was very apparent what his body wanted, and she smiled and reached out a hand, stroking with one finger the shaft that was pointedly presented to her, teasing. He shivered slightly and made a face at her, quickly sliding to lay beside her. “You shouldn’t be cruel,” he told her primly.
She smiled at him slowly, trying her hardest to look very sultry, and inched a bit closer to him. “Shouldn’t I?”
He reached out casually and stroked the inside of her thigh that she had unthinkingly left exposed. She shivered as well. “Only if you want the same to be done to you.” He grinned at her.
She re-crossed her legs, looking a bit haughty. “I don’t think that would be a bad thing.”
His movement was so quick that she hardly saw it, but suddenly she was pressed down on the bed on her back by a tall, beautiful, gentle, kind, sweet man, whose eyes were only looking at her own. His left hand, the one with which he was not supporting himself, trailed down her body, between her breasts, down her stomach, past her hips, onto her thigh. He paused at her thigh for a second, exploring the soft curves of her leg, but then his hand slipped in between her thighs, touching what a woman held most sacred, tracing the contours with a single finger. Her eyes were tightly shut, her hand grasping at his right hand for something; she wasn’t sure what. She was not quite shaking, but not quite still either. After a moment, he pulled his hand away, a smirk on his face. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say someone was eager.”
Her eyes flickered open, breath haunting her lips. She gave him a long glance and gestured to slightly below his waist. “Would that be you?”
He laughed quietly, positioning himself over her. “Yes,” he said softly, then leaned down and kissed her, at the same time, pushing himself into her.
She felt her body react, rather than making it act. Something inside her tightened, but he drew himself out of her, and then pushed inside again. She might have found the sensation pleasing had she not been trying to hold back more tears. But her body reacted as it was supposed to, tightening inside around him.
He moaned slightly and she shut her eyes, forcing the tears not escape. His thrusts grew more urgent rather quickly and he suddenly froze. Sweaty and hot, he did not collapse on top of her, but moved himself to the side so as not to crush her.
She lay there, a bit stunned by this.
Nuriko had given up his virginity to Hotohori.
Not literally, of course, in that Nuriko’s body had touched Hotohori’s, but it was a sort of merging of souls. It counted, for Nuriko.
Warm lips sought her cheek, kissing it lightly. She could smell the light scent of sweat on him, but this didn’t seem to register. Her body had responded and she knew it had not completed the pleasure as his had, but this didn’t matter.
He had been inside her. Part of her.
The tears began to escape despite her efforts not to let them, not to let him see. She knew how exhausted he would be. He didn’t need this.
But he saw. “Houki?” he asked worriedly. “Did I hurt you?”
She just shook her head slightly, still laying on her back, unable to speak. Fate had hurt her. Not him.
His gentle hands wiped at her cheeks, pushing away her tears. “Houki… please talk to me.”
Her eyes opened and turned to him, and then her arms were around him, hugging him tightly to her, letting her tears mingle with his sweat. “Hotohori-sama,” she tried to say, but it came out more as a muffled sob. How could she tell him what he meant to her. “I love you… I love you… Hotohori-sama…”
He stroked her hair lightly. “I love you too…”
With this statement only came more tears. She had tricked him into touching her, into saying that to her, into even making love to her. She didn’t deserve to see him, never mind to hold him like this.
“Hotohori-sama, I’m so sorry,” she said into his shoulder, fighting to control her voice and failing miserably.
“Houki?” he asked curiously, his voice a little sleepy.
She forced herself to pull away after a moment of quiet, giving him a teary smile. “You should sleep. Everything will be fine in the morning.”
He smiled back, wiping away a few more of her tears. “As long as you are here, everything is fine anyway.”
She was silent at this, but forced her features to remain still. Her hand smoothed his hair lightly. “Sleep, Hotohori-sama…”
He gave her a curious look, tempered with exhaustion. “You know, Nuriko was one of the only ones who called me that… I mean, the other seishi did, but none of them really spoke to me frequently.” He yawned, covering his mouth. “Nuriko always did though… He was a good man.”
She nodded slowly, not trusting her voice or her heart.
He laid smoothly down on his back, tugging up a blanket to cover himself. After he was settled, he looked to her and held out an arm, indicating that she should join him. She complied, her tears still a bit damp on her face, but slowing down. It was almost over, this one night of dreams. She had to stay awake to remember all of it.
She was nestled in his arms, head on his chest, and she could hear his heart beating. She shut her eyes when she heard his breathing slow, indicating that he was asleep.
“Oyasumi, Hotohori-sama,” she whispered.
His voice as he replied was thick with sleep. “Oyasumi, Nuriko.”