AND THEY CALL YOU A LOSER Every year over a thousand gormless idiots choke to death on ballpoint pens. Nearly 2,500,000 unnecessary operations will be performed in America this year. Worse around 12,000 patients will die on the operating table, who shouldn't even have been there! On average, two unsafe planes land at Chicago's O'Hare airport every day. Einstein couldn't speak properly until he was nine years old. His parents thought he was mentally retarded. This year, around 5.5 million cases of soft drink produced will be flat. Until recently, a hopeless 11 per cent of Americans did not know what their president, George W Bush looked like. Between 30 and 40 15 year olds will be jailed in Bangladesh this year for cheating on their school exams. Toilets are named in the cause of 40 000 American accidents each year. A quarter of Americans don't know their own star sign. On average, 708 London motorists will be prosecuted because of their vehicles this year - not for pollution but for noise offences. Americans spend around $5 Billion a year on presents for their pets. More than 11 000 drooling American simpletons have gone out of their way to pay homage to a tortilla in New Mexico which bears a vague likeness of Jesus on it. (But how do they know WHAT Jesus looked like??) See JESUS AND THE DISCIPLES. 2.5 Million books will be sent out with the wrong cover this year. In the next hour 22,000 cheques will be deducted from the WRONG bank account. Almost a million credit cards have the wrong information on their magnetic strips. Eight hundred Americans are injured every week by their own jewellery. Every year more than 10,000 birds die after hurtling into windows. The second rate mathematical skills of the worlds bank clerks means they will each lose an average of £200 per year. Only 55 per cent of Americans know that the sun is a star. Up to 40 per cent of death certificates issued in Britain each year are wrong. Every year five Tokyo residents die from injuries due to bowing to other people. Five hundred people pop their clogs every year from asphyxiation in an attempt to reduce oxygen to the brain and thus induce a more powerful orgasm. The main library at Indiana University sinks around an inch every year because its architects failed to take into consideration the weight of the books it would eventually house. A worrying 2,500 newborn babies will be dropped in the next month. This year, seven luckless fools under the age of 55 will die in England and Wales after falling out of bed or from a chair.