You've Got Mail: Perfect matches can happen dating online By Stephanie Condon Reprinted 2-14-2006 Growing up, fraternal twins Marie and Carolyn Delas shared many experiences. As adults, the twins shared one experience that was life-changing--they found love through online dating. After trying her luck with traditional dating, Carolyn Delas ventured onto the dating website matchmaker.com. There she met Marcus Pasquarella. The Campbell couple will celebrate their second anniversary this May. Also looking for love, Marie Delas followed in her older (by three minutes) sister's footsteps. Within weeks she had met Wil Smoke. The Smokes, who live in Almaden, will celebrate their fourth anniversary this year. Like their father before them, who met his second wife through a personals ad, Marie Smoke and Carolyn Pasquarella, both 32, are a testament to the belief that there's someone out there for everyone--and more than one way to find that person. In 1999, Carolyn Pasquarella was looking for someone fun, sarcastic and trustworthy to build a relationship with. Online dating had yet to become a booming industry--the now wildly popular networking site Craigslist.org was still in its humble beginnings, and the dating site eHarmony.com, which is now heavily advertised, didn't exist. But many of Carolyn Pasquarella's friends had tried online dating, so she decided to give it a shot. "I was just curious, and my social circle was not that big," she says. "You can only get hooked up by so many of your friends." Marcus Pasquarella, 31, had similar feelings about dating. He says a coworker insisted he try a dating website. After several months perusing matchmaker.com, Carolyn and Marcus Pasquarella found each other in late 1999. Then on Christmas Eve 2003, Marcus Pasquarella proposed on the bench where they first met. Inspired by Carolyn Pasquarella's blossoming relationship, Marie Smoke joined the site in 2001. Even before her free 30-day trial period on matchmaker.com ended, she had met Wil Smoke, 51, the man who would soon become her husband. Unlike her sister, Marie Smoke's romance was something of a whirlwind relationship. The couple met online within a matter of weeks, and met in person just a few days later at Rock Bottom Brewery in Campbell. Smoke's approach to the online mysteries of dating was the complete opposite of her twin sister. "If there's no chemistry, why wait to find out?" she says. After meeting about 30 women in person after conversing with them online, Wil Smoke knew he had found someone special. "We were probably at Rock Bottom about an hour and a half," he says. "As soon as I dropped her off I couldn't wait to talk to her again." For their first official date they went to see the movie The Planet of the Apes, and a year later, they were engaged. "I sort of proposed to him," Marie Smoke says. "It wasn't romantic or anything, it was at my apartment. "I screwed myself out of romance," she jokes. The couple will celebrate their fourth anniversary this year, and they are still best friends, the two say. "You don't get made at your best friend-- there's no hostility," Wil Smoke says. "We used to fall asleep holding hands, but now that there's a baby there, that doesn't happen so much." Both the Smokes and the Pasquarellas agree that online dating works because a person can control what kind of individual he or she meets. Along with the benefits, online dating has its drawbacks, the couples say. Marie Smoke, for instance, was initially turned off by Wil Smoke's response to her profile because of a miscommunication. "I put on my profile that I didn't want to be with a smoker," she says. "I don't want to be with someone who has to be kicked out to the patio, and I saw his profile 'WilSmoke' and thought how cocky, he didn't even read my profile." For those looking for the greatest chances of meeting a match online, there are sites for which users must pay a fee or provide a greater amount of personal information. The variety of sites available reflects the explosion of interest in online dating. In 2004, Americans spent $469.5 million on online personals and dating, the most spent on any category of online content, according to a study by the Online Publishers Association, an industry trade organization. The association reported that in the first half of 2005, people spent $245.2 million on online personals and dating, only slightly overshadowed by spending on entertainment, a category boosted by a recent increase in online music sales. It turns out the risks of online dating are not very different from those associated with traditional dating. The Smokes had both been in previous marriages that didn't work out. "I had dated someone for three years before getting married the first time," Wil Smoke says. "After a short two-year marriage, she took me for a quarter of a million dollars. I'm a cop, so I've always trusted my instincts, so that really bothered me about my first wife." Smoke said he had been led by his first wife to believe they could not have children. He refused to give up hope. He and his wife now have a 3-year-old daughter, Kayla, and a 1-year-old son, Jack. "When Marie told me she was pregnant, I was in Costco, and I just started bawling in the store," he says. "I didn't think I'd ever have kids." The couple is doing everything they can this time around to make their marriage work. They even have a list of family and marriage values posted on their refrigerator. Smoke, an officer with the San Jose Police Department, has been teaching parenting classes with the department for 15 years. He says he has to live up to the expectations he sets for the families in his classes, including posting family values. "We each came up with 10 and combined them," Smoke says. "We've been on the same page from the get-go about what we want in terms of family." |
| Wil, I truly love you. You came along at the perfect time and showed me what love was suppose to be like. You've always been there for me and you've become someone that I would not want to be without. You've given me so much more then I've ever had and am very happy that you are going to be my husband forever. |
| ...for LOVE |
| Roses are Red... Violets are Blue... I'm the best when I'm with you! |
| Married June 24th 2002 |
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| 1. Commitment to Our Marriage 2. Trust & Integrity. Who are we when know one is watching? 3. Honesty 4. Forsake all others 5. Respectful 6. Not an Island, Self-Centered or an Individual 7. Building a Family and placing it first 8. Forgive; We shall not hold a grudge or sweat the small stuff 9. One Hug, One Kiss, One Complement each day. 10. Teamwork. |
| ... Marie & Wil Marriage Values |
| Love, Marie |
| SEE WANTED VIOLATIONS BELOW |
| Love Wil & Marie |
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