|
Warnings on products
In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles -
OPEN OTHER END.
On Sears hairdryer:
"DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING."
On a bar of Dial soap:
"DIRECTIONS: USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP."
(How do u do that?)
On Some Frozen Dinnners
"SERVING SUGGESTIONS: DEFROST."
(But it's "just" a suggestion)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box):
"DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN."
(Too late! You lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING."
(Are you sure? Lets experiment!)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY."
On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
"DO NOT DRIVE A CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY AFTER TAKING THIS
MEDICATION."
(How many 5 year old kids drive cars these days?)
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS."
(One would hope)
On most brands of Christmas lights:
"FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY."
(As opposed to what, underwater, outer space?)
On a Japanese food processor:
"NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE."
(Wink, wink)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
"WARNING: CONTAINS NUTS."
(Bullshit! Peanuts don’t contain nuts!)
On a child's Superman costume:
"WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY."
On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid:
"DO NOT USE ON FOOD."
On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists - REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU. On a Taiwanese shampoo - USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink - AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT. On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS. In a US guide to setting up a new computer - TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.) On a Japanese product used to relieve painful haemorrhoids - LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET. On a packet of Sunmaid raisins - WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL? On a bag of Fritos - YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE. (The shoplifter special!) On a Korean kitchen knife - WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN. (Agggrrrhh!) On an American Airlines packet of nuts INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS. (I'm glad they cleared that up.) On a Swedish chainsaw - DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS. (What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?) On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: FITS ONE HEAD. |