by Cynthia J. Klawitter
winterjameson@yahoo.com
Completed: September 13, 2004
CATEGORY: Humor, Romance
PAIRINGS: Sam/Daniel (eventually)
SPOILERS: Crystal Skull, Nemesis, Small Victories
SEASON: Season 4, right after Small Victories (I suppose it could almost be called a tag...)
RATING: PG-13 (to be on the safe side - I’ve been called paranoid before...)
CONTENT WARNING: Just remember, folks, prescription drugs and alcohol don’t mix (can you guess where I got my title from?). I speak from personal experience. Other than that, none.
SUMMARY: On vacation in the Bahamas in an attempt to unwind after the events in Small Victories, SG-1 finds out that trouble can find them anywhere...
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters belong to MGM/UA, Showtime/Viacom, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is merely for entertainment purposes. No money has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The basis for most of the plot of this story is the intellectual property of Bill Engvall (buy or rent his “Here’s Your Sign Live DVD - my sides still hurt from laughing so hard!). I just borrowed the concepts to have fun with my favorite team!
* * * * * * * *
“Wow. A week of leave,” Colonel Jack O’Neill said with wonder in his tone after General George Hammond and Major Paul Davis had left the briefing room. He, Davis, and his three teammates Major Samantha Carter, Doctor Daniel Jackson, and Teal’c had just finished debriefing the general about the events that had occurred on the Russian submarine and Thor’s ship in regards to the Replicators. Hammond, in his wisdom, had taken note of the high level of stress his people had just been through and decided to give his premier team time to unwind.
“Yes, sir,” Carter agreed with a small smile.
Jack looked at her askance. “Are you going to sit around here working on experiments the whole time?”
She raised her eyebrows as she looked back. “Are you still going fishing?” she retorted.
SG-1's team leader was about to answer in the affirmative when he caught a tiny flinch from Daniel out of the corner of his eye. Crap. Daniel had just gone through a tough two weeks. Between an emergency appendectomy, nearly losing the rest of his team when they were forced to blow up the Asgard ship Beliskner to save Earth from the Replicators that had almost completely taken it over, the nine days of waiting to find out if their ploy to use the Stargate that they had beamed up to escape the impending explosion had worked, and the most recent additions of Sam being off in another galaxy facing the invasion of an Asgard planet and himself having to give the order to fire on Jack and Teal’c to keep Earth safe once again from the threat of the “techno-bugs” as O’Neill had dubbed them, it was a wonder that the archaeologist was holding it together as well as he was.
Jack still didn’t know exactly why he’d been so distant with Daniel when he, Sam, and Teal’c had finally gotten through to the SGC and come home from P4X-234, the planet the three of them had gated to from the Beliskner. He did have an idea, however. It wasn’t anything to be proud of.
When he’d walked through the gate and seen Daniel standing at the base of the ramp, he wasn’t surprised. In fact, it would have taken the younger man’s absence to shock him. He expected Daniel to be there. Now that he could look back on it, he remembered there had been such a look of happy relief on Daniel’s face... and he had practically ignored the man. He’d said more words cracking jokes at the general than in any kind of greeting for the man who was supposed to be his best friend. Teal’c had said he was happy to see him well. Even Sam had aimed her comment about having tried to dial home for a week at the other half of SG-1's brain trust - not the general. All in all, Jack had to admit to having taken Daniel’s presence for granted, something to assume was going to happen instead of take joy in when it did. Mind you, Daniel had let him by playing along with the usual banter after Hammond had subtly joined in the frivolity with his order to take a shower, but it was still no excuse for the dismissive behavior. He’d already learned by disastrous example with the collapse of his marriage that if you ignore a relationship, it will go away.
It was that thought, and his own selfish need to not let these three people, teammates who had become his surrogate family, out of his sight after thinking he’d never see them again, that prompted Jack’s answer to his second-in-command’s question. “Actually, Carter, I was thinking that it might be nice for the four of us to take a real vacation together. Kind of an unofficial team bonding thing. We just saved the world again - not to mention Thor’s - so I think we deserve to hang out together and revel in it.” He looked around at the others. “So what do you think?”
Teal’c raised an eyebrow while Sam and Daniel stared at him momentarily flabbergasted. “What kind of activity were you considering for the four of us to participate in, O’Neill?” the Jaffa asked when no response came from the younger half of the team.
Jack slowly smirked to cover up the fact that he hadn’t taken his thoughts that far yet. “I was thinking of booking a little get-away to the Bahamas at one of those all-inclusive places, maybe do some scuba diving and swim with the sharks,” he halfway blurted out the first thing that came to mind. Just before this whole mess with the Replicators started he’d read through a pile of travel brochures - the agent that had arranged things for his honeymoon years before periodically sent them - as a mental escape exercise. He’d needed the release after the whole crystal skull thing with Daniel being invisible and everyone worrying that he was gone for good. The one for the Bahamas had been the last one on the pile.
“Isn’t that a little too close to what you just went through?” Daniel asked a touch incredulously, although there was consideration in his expression along with a well-shielded look of relief that he wouldn’t be left alone.
“No, Daniel, I was nearly disintegrated by Replicator spit and blown up by a pair of torpedoes. Sharks and scuba diving were nowhere near a part of that equation.”
That brought a vicious scowl to the brown-haired man’s features, as well as the other two members of the team. “Thank you, Jack, for that lovely image. I didn’t have enough nightmare fodder from my own imagination of what you were going through on that sub. It’s just what I needed.” Daniel sprang to his feet with the obvious intention of storming from the room.
Sam was a half-beat behind him and managed to cut him off. “Daniel, wait. The colonel didn’t mean it that way. You know he didn’t. He was just...” She looked at him helplessly as she couldn’t really think of anything that would excuse the other man’s inexcusable behavior. She wasn’t exactly happy with what he’d said either. Daniel hadn’t been the only one imagining what was going on in the Russian sub; he’d just seen more real-life footage to spice things up.
“My mouth engaged before my brain, Daniel,” Jack offered contritely. This was supposed to be a pleasant offer to unwind together. The last thing he wanted was to make things worse. “You know how I am. I just meant that the stuff the resort offers for entertainment won’t bother me. If it’ll bug you we’ll find somewhere else to go. I’ve got a bunch of different brochures; we’re bound to find something agreeable.”
Daniel let his shoulders drop and the tenseness flow out of his body. “I’m sorry. I was just being a little oversensitive.” He turned to face the worried older man. “A week on the beach sounds fine. If you and Teal’c are okay with it, then I don’t have any problems. What about you, Sam, Teal’c?”
“A week on the beach sounds heavenly,” she said with a grin. “I can work on my tan.”
“I believe I would also enjoy the time at this resort, Daniel Jackson.”
Jack grinned at the others. This was starting to really come together. Not bad for an impromptu plan. “I’ll clear everything with the general. As long as you keep your tattoo and belly pouch covered, Teal’c, I don’t think there’ll be a problem.” His grin got wider. “This is gonna be so much fun!” He went into Hammond’s office after a brief knock as the rest of his team stared after him with light expressions. Sam and Daniel shook their heads. Only Jack O’Neill could exude such childlike glee over something like this. And they wouldn’t want it any other way.
* * * * * * * *
Everything had fallen quickly into place, and by mid-afternoon the next day the four members of SG-1 found themselves surrounded by the tropical beach atmosphere of the Sunset Bay Resort. Jack had arranged for a four-bedroom suite, and they had all been impressed with the luxury of the rooms when they had gone up to drop off their bags and settle in. Dinner was delicious, and they’d gone to bed that night looking forward to what the rest of the week would bring.
The next morning dawned bright and clear. Daniel, Sam, and Teal’c came into the main room of the suite to the glorious smell of a wide selection of breakfast foods, Jack O’Neill sitting smugly in the chair next the to cart that held it all. “Good morning, campers!” he announced as the others took it all in. “I thought I’d get everything ready for a great, exciting day here in paradise. You said you wanted to take it easy this morning, Daniel, so I figured you could lounge on the beach while Teal’c, Carter, and I did some scuba diving. We’ll get back together for lunch and then maybe take a little tour of the town before supper. What do you guys think?”
The other three shared a surprised look. “Uh, that sounds fine, Jack,” Daniel said slowly. “I think I can handle a leisurely morning like that.”
“Unfortunately you couldn’t have come scuba diving with us anyway, Daniel,” Sam explained regretfully. “You’re still on medication.”
“The Vicodin’s only for emergencies. Janet’s just playing it safe knowing I’ll most likely be pretty active. Which is the other reason I don’t mind lounging around this morning.” The archaeologist smiled knowingly. “Besides, I already knew I wouldn’t be able to do any scuba diving. My surgery’s too recent. The weight of the tanks could cause a set back.”
Jack and Sam gave him an odd look while Teal’c joined in with a curious one. “You sound as if you speak from experience, Daniel Jackson,” the Jaffa commented. “Is this so?”
The smile turned into a grin. “Not personally, but a friend of mine on the dig in the Yucatan was stupid enough to ignore our guide’s warning when he rejoined us after surgery for a hernia. He didn’t listen to me either. You’d think he’d have remembered the explicit warning from the class we took; the instructor said it five times.” A thoughtful look crossed his face. “And he kept looking at Roger when he said it, too. Odd.”
“You’re certified in SCUBA?” Jack asked incredulously.
“Don’t act so surprised, Jack. I’m sure I can do a lot of things you don’t know about. You guys have fun this morning. Take plenty of pictures.”
Sam shook her head and filled a plate with food before handing it to her friend. “Just eat, Daniel. Gloat later.” He laughed and accepted the dish.
It was a pleasant meal. The best part was the lack of pressure they all felt, knowing there was no world-threatening crisis they were expected to stop nor any other kind of threat they were expected to solve. Daniel collected their plates when they were finished. “Thanks for having that ready for us, Jack. I really appreciate it.”
“Me, too, sir,” Sam agreed. “That was really nice.” Teal’c nodded his silent gratitude.
“Not a problem,” Jack replied with a grin. “Your turn tomorrow, Danny-boy.”
Daniel sighed. “You do know I hate it when you call me that, right?”
“Of course I do. That’s why I do it.” He waited until the younger man had bent over to pack the plates with the leftover food then reached out to ruffle the short brown locks.
The linguist immediately straightened. “I hate that, too,” he said through gritted teeth.
Jack laughed. “I know that, too.” Without another word, Daniel extended an arm and gave his team leader a dose of his own medicine.
As Sam and Teal’c looked on, the blonde woman laughing nearly to the point of tears and the big black man with an amused expression, Jack and Daniel got into an impromptu wrestling match. The Jaffa was quick enough to get the food cart out of the way when the writhing pair got a little too close, their movements hampered by the same laughter that still had the astrophysicist incapacitated. It was a healing interaction that everyone enjoyed.
It was brought to an unfortunate end when Jack accidently planted a sharp elbow directly to the area of Daniel’s stomach where his appendix scar was located. The older man flew into a nearby chair thanks to a reflexive shove, and he stared confused as Daniel curled himself into a tight ball on the floor. “Daniel, what’s going on? You okay?”
“Not really,” Daniel grunted, beginning to rock. “But I will be. You’ve got really bony elbows, you know that?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Oh my God, Daniel. Did the colonel catch you in the stomach?” Sam gasped, her laughter cut off at the knees when she saw the position her fellow scientist had assumed. Daniel just nodded.
Jack flew to his knees next to his friend. “Shit, Daniel, I’m sorry. I had no idea.”
“No kidding,” was the short response. “Don’t worry about it. It was an accident.”
“Yeah, but this is supposed to be your vacation...”
“Jack,” Daniel said sharply, cutting the man off as he brought his head up to look him in the eye, “it was an accident. I know you didn’t mean to hurt me. And it’s getting better already. I’ll just take half a pill of Vicodin, lounge on the beach while the rest of you go diving, and we’ll have lunch and go shopping - just like you planned. I don’t have to go home, I don’t have to have emergency surgery, I just have to wait for the pain to die down. And it will. It did when I got nailed on my way to the gateroom when you guys got back after we finished installing the new gate. In fact, it’s already started to fade a bit. I. Will. Be. Fine.” He pushed himself into a sitting position as he carefully enunciated every word of his last sentence.
The greying colonel gave the other man a thorough once-over then smiled slightly and nodded. “Okay, Daniel. I’ll just get your medicine.”
“Are you really okay?” Sam asked after Jack disappeared into Daniel’s bedroom.
The young man winced as he tried to stretch out his injured side. “Yeah. Like I told Jack, the pain will fade. The Vicodin will make sure I’m comfortable until it’s gone. I’m just glad I managed to derail that guilt trip before it got started. Can you imagine Jack in Super Mother Hen mode for the rest of this vacation?”
Sam laughed as Jack’s voice rang out from the other room. “I heard that!” Daniel joined in the laughter and Teal’c gave one of his rare smiles. Things were still looking good for a terrific day.
* * * * * * * *
An hour or so later, Daniel stretched his legs out into the sand and leaned back in the low beach chair he’d gotten from the resort’s front desk as he tossed his bottle of sunscreen to Sam and adjusted his glasses on his nose. The clip-on shades protected his bright blue eyes from the harsh sunlight and conveniently hid the true direction of his gaze as his female friend began to rub the lotion into her skin. She looked good in the dark blue one-piece swimsuit she wore with the sheer, multi-colored sarong tied around her waist.
Jack wasn’t nearly as subtle about his gawking. “Looking good, Carter. Be sure to save some of that stuff for me.” He leaned back on the beach towel he’d placed next to Daniel’s chair and rested his weight on his outstretched arms.
“Yes, sir,” Sam replied with a sigh from her own towel on the other side of the brown-haired man. “And thank you for the compliment.” Her parents had taught her manners after all. “You, Daniel, and Teal’c don’t look so bad yourselves. Black is really your color.”
“I thought so.” The colonel straightened his posture as he smirked and brushed some sand from his baggy black swim trunks.
“It makes such a drastic contrast to the top of your head,” Daniel murmured, the corners of his mouth twitching.
“And I blame that entirely on you, Jackson,” Jack retorted. “I didn’t have a single grey hair until after I met you. Keep that in mind.” He let his head move up and down in an exaggerated once over of his friend since his own eyes were shielded by his own pair of sunglasses. “Maybe you should have thought about going with black yourself. They say it’s slimming.”
The archaeologist smiled serenely. “I’ve heard that. I prefer my choice.” Here he gestured to the blue trunks he wore. “I was told by an old girlfriend that they bring out the color of my eyes.” His smile turned wicked. “We didn’t talk very much for a long time after that announcement.”
“You’re such a dog, Daniel,” Jack replied after a brief, surprised silence, recovering faster than Sam.
“Are you certain this shirt will be sufficient for concealment, Major Carter?” Teal’c asked from Sam’s left, referring to the black tank top he wore with a pair of red swimming shorts. A black bandana covered the gold tattoo in the middle of his forehead.
Sam considered it, her short blonde hair drifting into her face slightly when she tipped her head to the side. “Yeah, I think so, Teal’c. If we had gotten one any tighter your mark would have shown through the fabric, and that would have made the whole effort pointless.”
“And you can still feel a breeze,” Daniel added. “That’s very important in this kind of heat.”
“Which won’t matter while we’re underwater anyway,” Jack refuted with a negligent shrug. Daniel rolled his eyes. The older man caught the bottle of suntan lotion as Carter tossed it over the man between them. “Is this really necessary right now?” he asked almost petulantly.
“It’s waterproof,” Daniel assured him.
Sam nodded her agreement. “That and the water can amplify harmful UV rays. You can get burned underwater and not even know it.”
Jack scowled as he started to rub in the white cream. “Figures. Nothing’s safe anymore.”
He’d just finished and tossed the bottle into Daniel’s duffle bag when a petite brunette waitress dressed in a skimpy green bikini and matching sarong with the name of the resort written repeatedly on it in an almost hypnotic pattern walked up from the bar a little ways to their left wearing a big friendly smile. “Hi there,” she greeted them, her notebook at the ready. “My name’s Misty. Is there anything I can get for you folks?”
“I don’t know,” Jack drew out as he considered it. “Got any specials?” Both Sam and Daniel rolled their eyes.
“We have a few,” the girl confirmed. “The one I’d recommend would be a Peach Swizzle. That’s got vodka, peach schnapps, and margarita mix.” Her smile got a bit wider. “They’re my favorites.”
Daniel couldn’t help but laugh at her enthusiasm. “Do you have a non-alcoholic version?”
Misty nodded. “Sure do.” She leaned forward a bit, causing Jack to cough a little and adjust his seating. “That’s what I drink while I’m working,” she whispered.
“I’ll have one of those,” the archaeologist confirmed with a smile. Jack didn’t know how he did it, but he would have sworn Daniel’s eyes never left the girl’s.
“I think I will, too,” Sam added thoughtfully when the young woman was done writing it down. “But you can add the alcohol to mine.” Misty nodded again and noted the order.
“Would it be possible to obtain a glass of apple juice?” Teal’c asked solemnly.
Misty’s grey-green eyes widened as she took in the Jaffa’s form. It was obvious she’d just found her favorite of the bunch. “For you, anything,” she enthused then turned her attention to Jack. “And you, sir?”
He considered it. “Why don’t you get me a... Pissed Off Japanese Minnow Farmer. That’ll do me for a while I think.”
O’Neill’s three teammates looked at him oddly while their waitress never batted an eye, finishing up the order and tucking her pencil behind her right ear. “I’ll be back as soon as I can with these,” she assured them and left to return to the bar.
“It was my understanding you desired an alcoholic beverage, O’Neill,” Teal’c commented once the girl was out of hearing range.
“I have to admit, sir,” Sam said ruefully, “I’ve heard of a lot of drinks, but you threw me with that one.”
“What the hell did you just order?” Daniel completed the set, his incredulous expression the capper to the whole thing.
Jack laughed at the others’ confusion. “A Pissed Off Japanese Minnow Farmer is made with vodka, peach schnapps, amaretto, raspberry schnapps, sweet/sour mix, and cranberry juice. Midori is optional.”
Daniel blinked. “Christ, Jack! That’s nothing but alcohol!”
“There’s cranberry juice and sweet/sour mix!” the older man retorted defensively.
“It’s nothing but alcohol!” the linguist repeated.
O’Neill let out an explosive breath. “For crying out loud, Daniel, it’s just one drink. It’s not like I ordered a six-pack. Besides, it’s a real drink compared to those fluff things you and Carter ordered.”
“It is only ten-thirty, sir,” Sam reminded him. “I thought I’d save the heavy drinking for later. Like after dinner.”
Daniel backed off with a sigh when Jack’s annoyed expression didn’t fade. “We know you can handle it, Jack. It just surprised us, that’s all.” He paused for a moment. “If you get another one later you’ll have to let me try it. It actually sounds kind of interesting.”
That finished off the colonel’s bad mood. “Sure, Daniel. I think you might like it. You, too, Carter.”
“I’ll think about it, sir,” she said as she rose to her feet. “I think I’m going to stretch my legs, maybe wander over to the bar and help the girl with our drinks.” She grinned at her superior officer. “Maybe I’ll even get to see how they put together yours.”
“I believe I will accompany you, Major Carter.” Teal’c also rose to his feet and the pair of them headed off in the direction Misty had gone earlier.
Once they were gone, Jack watched as Daniel sank back into his chair, relaxing even further than he had before, a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth. It was really good to see, especially after everything the man had gone through since he’d known him. The older man started cracking jokes, getting more and more outrageous the more Daniel, in his relaxed state, reacted more than he normally would, laughing out loud when he would usually just grin. It was one more factor in a terrific morning.
* * * * * * * *
Sam was disappointed when she and Teal’c got to the bar as the bartender had just finished the colonel’s drink and was looking at the list Misty had left him. The girl was about to go collect some empty glasses from the tables around the bar when she noticed the new pair. She smiled and pointed them out to Randy, the bartender.
The man gave them a welcoming smile and started on their drinks, quickly sliding Teal’c’s apple juice across the bar. “Will we see sharks in this lagoon when we begin scuba diving, Major Carter?” the Jaffa asked before taking a small drink.
Sam nodded. “We should. They’re cordoned off from the main section of the lagoon by a steel mesh fence from what I understand. The brochure the colonel showed me last night said we’ll be swimming by there.”
“I am very interested in seeing these creatures. I have not experienced anything like them previously.”
“I always thought they were neat myself,” the blonde woman agreed. She smiled and nodded a thanks to Randy as he placed her drink in front of her. “I’ve read a few articles that said there’s scientific evidence that sharks haven’t changed very much over millions of years of evolution. So, basically, the animals we’ll be looking at today are almost exactly like the ones that swam in the oceans during the time of the dinosaurs. Completely fascinating.”
“Major Carter, is everything all right?” Teal’c asked after Sam had taken a drink and coughed, her eyes widening in surprise and blinking furiously.
Sam took a moment to catch her breath and clear her throat. “Yeah, I’m fine. My Peach Swizzle is a bit stronger than I expected, that’s all. Wow.”
A dark eyebrow rose. “Should I get the bartender’s attention?”
The physicist shook her head as she realized Misty had disappeared into the crowd with Daniel and Jack’s drinks even as Teal’c turned around to do as he had suggested. “No, no, Teal’c, really. I’m fine. I just wasn’t expecting that much alcohol in my drink. I’ll take it slow.”
“Did Daniel Jackson not request the non-alcoholic version of your beverage, Major Carter?”
“Yeah, he did. Why?”
The big man pointed to a bottle the bartender had just replaced on the rail behind the bar. “Is that not an ingredient in your drink?”
Blue eyes narrowed as Sam read the label. “Yeah, that’s peach schnapps. Pretty good brand, too. Why do you ask?”
“I believe the bartender has just finished replacing the ingredients he used in the making of Daniel Jackson’s beverage. This would suggest that he used peach schnapps. It contains alcohol, does it not?”
“Well, yeah. It...” Sam’s breath caught as she finally realized what Teal’c was getting at. “Oh my God! Daniel’s drink has alcohol in it!” She looked toward where Daniel still sat with Jack, his drink resting in the sand beside him as he laughed uproariously at something the smug-looking colonel had obviously said. “I’ve got to stop him from drinking it!” She started waving her arms in a desperate attempt to get Jack’s attention, as he was the only one facing her at the moment. The greying-haired man finally looked up, and Sam pointed at her drink then at Daniel’s, shaking her head.
Apparently he misunderstood. Jack just smiled and gave her a thumb’s up, also pointing at the drink on the other side of the still-laughing archaeologist. Sam sighed and tried again. These signals weren’t nearly as easy as the ones they used in the field. Of course, “don’t let Daniel drink that drink” was a lot harder concept to get across than “two guards around the corner to your left”. Maybe they’d have to work on that. She kept trying.
Go to part two
Back to 'Ship Fiction