DOING MARRIAGE GOD'S WAY
Colossians 3:18-19 One of the major events of 1998 for Utah Christians was the coming of the Southern Baptist Convention to Salt Lake City for it's annual meetings. When the Southern Baptist first announced their intention to come here there were predictions of conflict and confrontation between the Baptists and the Mormons. The predictions were wrong. Throughout the meetings Baptists and Mormons were polite and courteous to one another. No, the Southern Baptist national meetings held here in Salt Lake would have been absent of all controversy except for one act. This summer in Salt Lake City the Southern Baptist approved a formal statement on marriage. Now, generally speaking, the statement is not that hard to stomach except for one sentence. But that one sentence is enough. That one sentence offends free-thinking, fair-minded Americans everywhere. It reads, "A wife is to submit herself graciously to the servant leadership of her husband even as the church willingly submits to the headship of Christ." When the "yes" votes carried the day on that statement, the howls were heard around the world. What chauvinistic trash-talk! What oppression! What a slap at all the gains American women have made during the past 50 years. It's obvious that the Southern Baptists have lost their collective mind. After all, the call for any woman to submit to any man goes against everything we've been trained to believe. It's funny though, this summer I never heard anybody ask, "Does it go against the Word of God?". Does the Bible call the submission of a wife to her husband oppressive? Does God's Word declare the headship of the husband to be chauvinistic and enslaving? Let's look for ourselves. Turn with me this morning to Colossians 3:18-19. As Paul continues to instruct us on how to live the Christian life let's see what he says to husbands and wives. Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Many today will never admit this, but the statement adopted this summer by the Southern Baptists reflects the clear teaching of the Bible even if it does not reflect modern public opinion. So if we are serious about following Christ, we must be serious about obeying these two commands found in Colossians 3:18-19. First, Wives, submit to your husbands... What does it mean to obey that command? As a wife, does it mean you are required to subject yourself to abuse? Does it mean you must violate your conscience by sinning whenever your husband commands it? No! Let's be clear. Paul is not addressing women who live in abusive situations here. Paul is addressing Christian men and women who are called to establish Christian homes. It is assumed that everyone already knows that abuse and perversion has no place in a Christian home. So what does it mean for a wife to submit to her husband? It means that, like it or not, the responsibility to lead in a family, rests squarely on the shoulders of the husband. It also means that any attempt to overthrow that God-given authority by a wife is disobedience and it is sin. So sisters in Christ, may I ask you, who wears the pants in your family? Who leads in your home? When you don't like where your husband is taking you what's your response? Some wives complain that their husbands won't lead. Well, do you let your husband lead? Do you encourage him to lead? Do your actions and words show that he has your respect. And if you don't respect your husband, don't be to quick to point the finger in his direction. The problem may well begin with you and your ungodly attitude. The bottom line is this--God has established an order for your home. Are you willing to submit to His order? You see, this issue of submission isn't really about you and your husband. It's about you and God. Rebellion against your husband's leadership at home is rebellion against the lordship of Jesus Christ. When I think about the women of this church I think about a group of godly women. I know that you are serious about your walk with Jesus. I know that you care about everything His Word says. And I think I know how you must feel at times when God says, Wives submit to your husbands. Several years ago I had the adventure of riding to Montana with a man who had some kind of aversion to keeping his hands on the steering wheel. There's nothing like riding down a two-lane highway at 70 mph with a man who has only a finger or a knee or sometimes no body part at all on the steering wheel. I wanted to grab that wheel so badly it hurt. But before you grab the wheel to take control in your marriage, remember this--there's a pair of hands steering your life and your marriage that eyes can't see. If you can't trust your husband to keep his hands on the wheel, trust the hands of Christ. He'll keep you on the road. And remember, when you submit to your husband it's Christ that you're really submitting to. Now let me talk to the husbands here today. We need to think about something. That command, "Wives, submit to your husbands", is a hard command for you and me too. "Wives submit to your husbands" is a hard command for us because it takes a whole lot of responsibility off our wives and puts it squarely on our shoulders. You see, on the day Jesus comes back, it's not our wives who will ultimately be held accountable for the state of our families, it's you and me! In short, we need to understand this--a wife's call to submit is a husband's call to lead! So, husband are you leading? More important, are you leading God's way? But what's that mean? How do we lead God's way? 1 Corinthians 11:3 tells us. Look there with me now. In 1 Corinthians 11:3 Paul talks not only about a woman's relationship to a man, but also about a man's relationship to Christ. In 1 Corinthians 11:3 Paul writes, Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. As the head of the woman is man, who is the head of the man? Paul says, The head of every man is Christ... Men, do we really understand how God's plan for leadership in the home works? The only way to lead is to follow. We are called to lead our family by following Christ. How dare we demand that our wives submit to us when we will not submit to Christ. We need to remember something. God doesn't tell our wives to submit to us so we can get our way at home. God tells our wives to submit so He can get His way in our homes. So here's the question one more time--do you lead in such a way that God gets His way at home? Colossians 3:19 tells us what our way of leadership must be. After calling on wives to submit to their husbands, verse 19 says, Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. A husband's leadership in the home is not a leadership of strength over weakness. It is not a leadership of abuse. It is not a leadership of a superior over an inferior. It is a leadership exercised among equals. It is a leadership of love. What kind of love? The kind of love Jesus has for His body, the church. In Ephesians 5:25 we find this same command for husbands to love their wives. Listen to what God says and let is sink in. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Think men. Think husbands. How did Jesus love the church? He was spit on for her. He was mocked and ridiculed for her. He willingly submitted Himself to be tortured for her. He gave up His life for her. He died for her. Jesus held nothing back. He sacrificed everything He had and everything He was for the Church. And that is how you, husband, are called to love and to lead your wife. The call of a wife in marriage is to submit. The call of a husband is to sacrifice. Guys, do you have what it takes to be the husband God calls you to be. Are you a servant at home? Do you sacrifice what you want so your wife can have what she needs? Too often we don't love our wives like Jesus loved us. We don't lay down our lives like He laid down His. Day in and day out we go home expecting our way. We go home expecting our needs to be met. We go home expecting to be served when we should be serving. We are selfish. And someday we will learn--there is no joy in selfishness. Men, our calling has husbands is not to get what we can from our wives, it is to give what we can to our wives. Our calling is to give even when it hurts to give. Do we love our wives like Jesus loves the church? Let's be honest. Do we give ourselves up for them? Do we suffer for them? Do we sacrifice what we want to see that they get what they need? If you are a man and you are married, that's your calling. More than that, that's your privilege. It's a privilege to love someone like Jesus loved you. There is so much to learn in loving like Jesus loves. There is so much to gain. Don't let your selfish desires cheat you out of the joy of loving your wife like Jesus loves you. When you come home from work at night, don't just plop down on the couch and whine about how tired you are. Your wife is tired too. Get up and help her. Put down the newspaper. Turn off the TV. Turn away from the diversions of hobbies and games. Spend time with her. Talk to her. Cry with her. Care about the things she cares about. Listen to her. Share your leadership with her. Share your life with her. That's what it means to die for your wife like Jesus died for you. Well, there it is in all it's political incorrectness. God's blueprint for the governing of a home--your home. Wives submit to your husbands. In spite of the fact that you are equal with your husband in God's eyes, submit. In spite of the fact that you may be smarter, submit. When push comes to shove and the two of you cannot agree, submit. Submit because it is fitting in the Lord to submit. Submit, not because your husband is right, but because he is accountable. He will answer for his wrong choices soon enough. But remember wives, the person he will answer to is not supposed to be you. Husbands, you remember this--your wife's call to submit is your call to lead. You are responsible for your family's provision. You are responsible for your family's spiritual condition. That is why you must never expect your wife to submit to you if you are not willing to submit to Christ. Because only when you submit to Jesus will you lead like Jesus leads. Lead by loving. Lead by loving your wife like Christ loves the church. Give for her. Serve her. Die for her. Love her like Jesus loves you because no man should expect his wife to submit to him if he will not first submit to Christ. One other thing. Ladies, verse 18 is God's word to you this morning. That's where your focus needs to be. Don't go home and critique your husband's leadership unless he asks you to. Wives, the Holy Spirit is here today. Don't try to do in your husband what only the Spirit can do in him. Men, verse 19 is God's word to you this morning. That's where your focus needs to be. Don't go home today and critique your wife's level of submission today unless she asks you to. Husbands, the Holy Spirit is here today. Don't try to do in your wife what only the Spirit can do in her. Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. It may be hard for you to accept God's commands today. But it's certainly not hard to understand them.What we understand, let us now obey. Go To Main Menu |