THE LESSER BANISHING RITUAL OF THE COTTON BALL
A Rite of the Walgreen’s Wicca Tradition
by Gypsy and Anna
The following was found in an old coupon book of shadows.
Enter the Walgreen’s through your accustomed door. (If there is no Walgreen’s, you may also enter a Rite Aid or Long’s Drugs, adapting accordingly.) Stop at the first end cap, the one with the shampoo on it. Perform the following, which is the Crabby Shopper’s Cross.
Lift a shopping basket and intone, "Alpo."
Place the shopping basket on your left arm, the handles in the crook of your elbow. Intone, "Malted Milk Ball."
Sling your purse over your right shoulder whilst intoning, "Veggieburger."
Life a bottle of shampoo, and intone, "Vitagrow."
While placing the shampoo into the shopping basket, intone, "L’Oreal Almay."
Inscribe the Circular
Circle the store once, sunwise, not finding anything you want. Return to the place where you began, at the door, and place a pair of rubber thongs into your basket, grounding excess energy into them.
Invocation of the Cotton Ball
At each corner of the store, beginning at the door, hold up a cotton ball and say the words indicated for the particular corner.
At the corner by the door, say, "Yoo Hoo."
At the back door side corner, say, "Allegra."
At the other back corner, say, "Irish Spring."
At the other front corner, say, "Aqua Velva."
Invocation of the Arc-Cotton Balls
At the geographical center of the store, apologize to the shoppers whose way you are going to be blocking. Hold a package of cotton balls aloft and say:
"Before me stands nail polish remover.
Behind me stands astringent.
On my right hand, first aid cream.
On my left hand, Calamine lotion.
For about me shine the fluffy tails of the Wise Child’s bunnies
And above me shines the fluorescent rayed light."
Go forth and locate the four symbols of the Arc-Cotton Balls. Enlightenment will be yours, Buy One Get One Free, this week only.