Thoughtless
All of my hate cannot be found
I will not be drowned
by your thoughtless scheming
So you can try to tear me down
Beat me to the ground
I will see you screaming
-Korn
Chronology: Tristan is 19. Raja is 9.
Raja didn’t like him. From the very first moment she saw him, she didn’t like him. She was dragged in once by seemingly nice, normal kids. She wasn’t falling for it again. After that incident with Claudia and Claudius last year, she was not going to put herself out there to make friends with another “norm.” The mother, Aurelia, was nice enough. The father, Severus, was of dubious nature. It was obvious he respected her Uncle Ardeth and Arthur, and had a grudging respect for her Sarmatian brethren. But the son – twelve year old Brutus was a twit.
A twit, Raja thought as she brushed Odin. Luckily, her uncle hadn’t prompted her to spend time with Brutus the Brute. She suspected her uncle wasn’t quite that fond of the boy either. Brutus thought she hadn’t understood Latin, but she did. She spoke it with the effortless inflection of a high born Roman. Not that she would want to be one. Gods no, she said to herself. Raja heard him try to speak ill of her brothers. She smiled devilishly as she groomed Odin, remembering the boy’s stricken face when she had spoken in better enunciated Latin than him. So much so that his father complimented her and said: Brutus, you could learn something from her.
Tristan exchanged a look with Dagonet. Lancelot was just wary of her expression. They both had noticed the impish, calculating grin on Raja’s face. The little Egyptian felt eyes on her. She turned her head slowly, eyes narrowed.
“What?” she asked.
Tristan shrugged. Dagonet said: “Just wondering what had you grinning like you were planning something.”
“Like planning on you were going to play a joke on someone,” Lancelot finished, with a tone that said and it sure as hell better not be me.
“I was just thinking of that little jackass, Brutus,” she sneered.
Raja rarely swore, and probably was only being bold enough to do so because her uncle wasn’t around. Profanity sounded more foreign to them coming from her than Arabic.
The men grumbled a bit. That Roman family had been at the fort for almost a week, and they were just waiting for them to be on their way.
“He say something to you?” Tristan asked.
Raja pursed her lips tightly and took a deep breath. “Normal kids always make fun of me.” She took the stool near Odin’s stall to stand on so she could reach his back.
“What’d he say?” her cousin asked.
“Nothing I have not heard before.” There was no self-pity in her voice, just a casual acceptance that was once a weary one. “But, he did make fun of Osiris,” she said, referring to Osiris the Mouse, “and that is unacceptable.” She muttered furiously under her breath in Arabic. “...bastard.”
Tristan, Dagonet and Lancelot exchanged those same skeptical looks again.
“I think you’ve been listening to Bors too much,” Dagonet said.
“Well, I do not appreciate that twit making fun of Osiris. He hurt his feelings and he ran away, now I can’t find him!” she told them, distressed.
“Raja,” Lancelot cleared his throat, “have you ever considered that these mice of yours-”
“They’re not mine,” she corrected them. “They’re my friends.”
Lancelot hid his grin and continued, “Sorry, these friends of yours, have no clue or don’t even care what others say about them?”
Raja stopped brushing, and stared at her cousin placidly over Odin’s back. Then she looked at her cousin suspiciously, “Whose side are you on, Lancelot?”
That wasn’t the answer he had been expecting and was caught unawares.
She smirked at him. “Are you defending a Roman, cousin?”
His face flushed. “You know that’s not what I meant.”
Dagonet and Tristan chuckled.
“Just forget it,” he mumbled.
“To answer your question, though,” she spoke as if that exchange had not taken place, “I think my friends do know and care. Mice are very intelligent, and keen.”
Lancelot still didn’t believe her, but he knew by now, that there was no convincing her otherwise.
“You knew that was a pointless question,” Tristan said to him.
“He’ll get what’s coming to him,” Raja mused again, agitation creeping into her voice. Her face turned red, and Odin made a sound of discontent at her anger. “That...that...” Her face scrunched in a sour mask. “...that...cocksucker!”
“Raja!” Ardeth’s voice swept into the stables in a baritone of castigation.
She bit her lip.
Ardeth spoke to her briefly in Arabic, his tone firm.
“It’s not a bad word,” she replied.
Lancelot snorted in laughter. Dagonet sent him a reprimanding look.
Raja went on before her uncle could reply, “It’s when you suck on a chicken. You know – a cock?”
To this, Lancelot burst out in guffaws until Ardeth looked at him sharply. Tristan, much better at hiding any sort of amusement, bent his head down, his unkempt hair masking his face and the lips that pressed together, trying to keep from grinning.
The stables were silent. Ardeth could tell from his niece’s tone of voice that she truly thought that was the meaning of the term. He cleared his throat. “Where did you hear that word, Raja?”
She didn’t understand what the problem was. Or why her cousin was laughing – or rather, trying not to. Dagonet seemed amused as well. “Velda said it. She said that some woman named Anna was a cocksucker.” Ardeth winced inwardly. “And I thought that that was awful because who would want to suck on a chicken? Is it not bad enough they have their heads cut off?”
“I would rather you not repeat that word, Raja,” her uncle said calmly.
She tipped her head to the side with adolescent confusion. “Lancelot thinks it’s funny.”
Lancelot stopped laughing, aware that he had been brought into the conversation.
“Nevertheless,” Ardeth said to her, “I do not want to hear that word from your mouth again.”
“Why? If it isn’t a bad word?”
Fair enough question. “It is not a polite one,” he replied. He was running out of reasons. Ardeth had always made a point to be honest with his niece and explain things to her understanding as best as possible. But this particular word...he could not bring himself to clarify for her. “Am I understood?”
“Na‘am fahamt,” she said.
“Very good,” Ardeth said, relieved that was over. “Finish with Odin and then it is time for you settle down for bed.” His eyes swept across the three men before leaving the stables.
Lancelot was still befit with chuckles, Dagonet and Tristan having already reigned in their mirth. Raja looked at her cousin, shaking her head in bewilderment.
----
They could hear her screams all the way from the stables. They ran out, Tristan in the lead, following the sounds of her fury. They entered the main door of the keep and saw her on her knees down the hall, clutching something to her chest. Brutus was standing there, a gleam of satisfaction in his eyes, but also a bit startled at the girl’s vehement reaction.
Ardeth and Severus came around the corner, hustling, the Egyptian instantly by Raja’s side. The hall was wide, lit by the torches on the walls. When the three knights moved closer, they saw Ardeth try to get Raja to open her hands. When she did she held the squashed form of Osiris – dead. She wouldn’t let her uncle take the mouse from her hands, instead, she held him possessively to her chest, tears streaming down her face.
Her uncle tried to speak soothingly to her, but she spat: “He killed him! He killed him!”
All eyes went to Brutus.
“It’s a mouse!” the young boy exclaimed. “Vermin!”
Raja’s cries were heard from the second floor, trailing off until they could hear no more. Aurelia came rushing down a separate hall.
“What is it? Who was screaming?” she asked, her face flushed.
“That girl, mother,” Brutus said, preempting anyone else’s reply.
“Raja?” Aurelia said, concern lacing her words. “What happened?”
“Nothing,” Severus replied.
“Your son killed Osiris,” Lancelot bit.
“The mouse?” Aurelia asked. She turned to her son. “Is this true?”
Brutus’s mouth hung open in shock. “How was I supposed to know it was one of her pets?”
“Aurelia,” her husband said, “really, the child will calm. It is just a mouse.”
Everyone was congregating. Arthur entered the keep. “I heard screaming.”
Tristan relayed Arthur the information as if he were reporting back from a watch. The commander’s eyes met Severus’s.
“Let us all just calm,” Severus said.
“Yes, calm,” Aurelia repeated sternly. “Brutus, go to your quarters.”
“What?!” he screeched. “I’m in trouble?”
“No one said you were in trouble,” his father said, looking at his wife as if she were overreacting as well.
Aurelia took her son by the upper arm and led him away, scolding him as she did. Severus watched them and then turned back to the other four men. He shrugged and shook his head lightly, then followed his wife and son.
“Bastard kid,” Lancelot muttered.
“I did not know you cared for Osiris, Lancelot,” Arthur quipped.
He snorted derisively. “I don’t care for the mouse, but my cousin, who is crying her head off because her little friend was killed.”
“I could kill him,” Tristan said blithely.
“That’s a plan,” Lancelot agreed. “One less Roman.”
Arthur looked at his scout, then his first knight.
“They aren’t serious, Arthur,” Dagonet assured.
Lancelot scoffed. Tristan lifted one shoulder lazily.
----
An hour later, Ardeth managed to get Raja to free Osiris from her hands.
“I will wrap him in the proper garb, and we will bury him tomorrow as custom. Hmm?”
Raja sniffed and nodded.
Ardeth took in her bloodied hands, the streaks of Osiris’ blood that she had absently wiped across her cheeks. She had told him the story through choked sobs. She walked into the door of the keep, and halfway down the hall she saw Osiris dashing down the hall. Raja had said his name happily. But like a phantom, Brutus had come around the corner, and before Raja could get to the mouse, the little creature was flat under Brutus’s boot.
“He knew it was Osiris!” she yelled.
Raja took a warm bath, cleaning the blood off of her hands. Her uncle dried her hair and braided it, then tucked her into bed. “It’s not fair,” she whimpered. “Osiris never hurt anyone.”
“I know, little one.”
“Never hurt anyone at all...” she repeated sadly.
----
After Osiris’ funeral, Raja sat in her room thinking of the injustice of his death. Killed so dishonorably, cold-blooded murder. She clenched her small hands into equally smaller fists until her knuckles turned white. She knew vengeance must be had. If Horus could battle his Uncle Seth in avenging his father, Osiris, then she could certainly challenge Brutus to combat. Horus lost his eyes during that epic battle, and Seth lost his testicles.
She got off her bed with determination etched in her face. Raja took off her skirt and winged jacket so she was clad in only her breeches and knee length tunic. She tied her sash around her waist, and braided her hair. She got to her knees and said the Prayer of Horus:
I am a king whom he caused to be,
a sovereign . . .
He hath made me to be lord of the Two Halves,
He hath appointed me to be lord of the people,
created me . . . in the sight of mankind,
and completed me . . .
I came forth from between the thighs.
He Hath given me (the land)
. . . and I am brought up
to be and if he is, he conquereth.
He hath commanded me to conquer
what he hath conquered.
Raja sought out Brutus with only one thing on her mind. Where is that twit? she fumed.
The little Egyptian found him in the library of all places. Practicing his awful Latin, she thought contemptuously. Brutus looked up when he saw the girl enter the room, an evil grin spreading on his face.
“If it isn’t the ‘Gyptian crybaby,” he sneered.
Raja stood staunchly, holding her ground, chin up. “Brutus, I challenge you.”
His eyebrows rose in surprise, he quickly recovered, that superior smile covering his face. “Challenge me to what?”
She took a deep breath. “Combat. Hand to hand.”
He paused for a moment, then laughed uproariously. “You? You could never best me. Look at you!”
Raja’s eyes went flat, her pupils contracting into little black dots. “That is,” she said this next word carefully, “inconsequential to the circumstances.” She used all the words her uncle had given her to use. “You have committed a most grievous transgression against an Innocent.”
He scoffed. “You are insane.”
“That may be. But it changes nothing. I will meet you in a clearing in the woods a bit east from here. You should be able to find it easily. I will be waiting, if you are confident enough to stand against me.” She turned on her heel sharply and left him to himself.
Raja waited in the clearing. Horus and Penelo perched on a nearby tree. Her only allies. Twenty minutes later, Brutus appeared, along with some children from the fort. She was shocked that he was among the “commoners.” Most likely needed someone to show him the way. There were four boys and five girls. None on her side she was certain. She recognized a few of them. Quite some time ago she had come upon them playing a friendly game of dice. Reluctantly, she had asked if she could join them. One of the boys said no, that they needed an even number.
“But there are five of you,” Raja said.
“Yeah, well,” the boy had said.
Then another boy interrupted, “We don’t play with freaks!”
It was just like in
They gathered around, encircling her and Brutus, giving them enough room to fight. They faced each other, Brutus smug, Raja unflinching as she sized up the boy who was one head and a half taller than her. He was on the skinny side, but she knew that he outweighed her. Speed, agility and sheer, unyielding allegiance to Osiris’ spirit were on her side.
“Well?” Brutus said, as the other children looked on expectantly.
“We fight,” she said.
Brutus smiled widely, and lunged for her. But she was ready, she crouched and rolled between his legs, turning around swiftly to push him. She was smaller, and did not carry brawn, so the boy merely stumbled. He grappled for her again, his face already red. She tripped him and he went down. Immediately she was straddling him, pummeling him as hard as she could with her fists. Whatever pain she was inflicting on him, if any, was hurting her tiny fists just as much. His bigger fist hit her mouth, splitting her lip. First blood. He rolled on top of her and wasted no time in beating her ribs.
The other kids cheered on in a raucous support. Raja blocked his blows as expertly as she could. She took a deep breath and heaved herself up, grabbing the lapels of his tunic, imitating Dagonet as she smashed her head into his. She hit the bridge of his nose, and he cried out. She shook off her own dizziness, then used all the force she could to push him off of her. When he was on his back, she went for his throat, ramming a fist into his windpipe. He choked, and she waited for him to recover himself. She would not dishonor herself in kicking him while he was down.
“Get up,” she said as she stood over him.
He coughed and got to his legs, recovering. “Bitch,” he spat.
Well, that was something she had never been called. To her knowledge, anyway. She went for him, trying to tackle him, but he only stumbled back, her arms wrapped around him. He lifted a knee and kicked her in the stomach, knocking the wind out of her. He delivered another kick to her ribs as she fell to the ground on all fours. The force of his kick caused her to roll on her back. He went for another, but she rolled to the side and he missed.
Holding her middle, she stood up, spitting the accumulating blood in her mouth. Dimly, she heard the kids shouting louder. She was losing – but the image of Osiris flew in front of her eyes and her resolve stiffened into an iron will. She braced her arm as he ran for her again, and when he was close enough she rammed the heel of her hand, thrusting up against his nose. Even among the din of cheers, she heard a very satisfying crunch as his nose broke. Blood poured from his nose, tears came to his eyes. She tackled him to the ground, her fists tight as she hit him repeatedly in the head, catching his injured nose a couple of times. Her knuckles were swollen, her ribs ached, but she persevered.
In fury, he hauled her off of him with such forced that she was lifted off the ground, her head hitting the trunk of a tree. Stars and glitter filtered her sight as she felt blood pour from her forehead. He lifted her up and delivered an iron blow to her face, right in her left eye. She felt to the ground. Brutus lifted her again, backhanding her across the other side of her face.
----
Nobody noticed Horus fly off from the tree, back to the fort. Ardeth was in his study with Severus when Horus cawed viciously against the windowpane. The Egyptian knew that was the bird’s way of alerting him to trouble.
”What is it?” Severus asked.
“My niece,” Ardeth said.
Severus followed him down the stairs and out of the keep. Horus flew overhead, Ardeth following him. For whatever reason, Severus followed him again, intrigued by this method of alarm.
----
Raja’s face was swollen and bloody. Both Brutus and she were covered with small cuts from the twigs and rocks they had landed on. The little girl’s vision was red at the thought of Brutus besting her in any way.
He came at her again, she stood on shaky knees...and when he was in close range, she pulled her leg back and smashed it forward between his legs, bludgeoning Brutus’s testicles. Her eyesight was blurry with the swelling and blood that seeped in. As he writhed in pain on the ground, she kicked his hands that were cupping his privates protectively. His hands flew away at the assault, and Raja lifted her foot, and pulverized his testicles with the sole of her boot, just as Brutus had murdered Osiris with the sole of his.
Brutus’s cries were ones of absolute agony. Just as Raja was about to attack him again, she felt herself being pulled away by strong arms. She wriggled and yelled, her swollen lip distorting her words into a spluttering mess.
She saw Brutus’s father crouch near his howling son. The sweet sound of Brutus’s/Seth’s bellows of agony was the last thing she heard before she passed out.
A few hours later she awoke. Her face was a mask of pain, as was the rest of her body. She focused her eyes as best she could through the swelling, the blurry form of Tristan coming into view.
She heard his dry, amused chuckle. But there was a severe calm in his eyes as he looked at her injured body.
“Water?” he asked.
She nodded. He lifted her head gently and she felt the cool liquid pass her lips. Raja cleared her throat a bit. “What happened to Seth?” she asked groggily.
His brow furrowed. “Seth?”
“I mean Brutus.”
“Oh,” he smirked. “I think you’ve damaged him for life.”
“Meh,” she voiced. She threw the covers back. No broken bones...her ankles were just fine.
“I don’t think you’re supposed to move.”
“Nonsense. These are minor wounds. Help me, Trissy.”
He sighed and aided her to her feet. Her head swam for a moment, then it cleared. Raja had been bathed, her hands bandaged, her bruises leeched, the cut on her head stitched. Clean breeches and tunic had been put on her. She walked barefoot out of the room, Tristan close by in case she fell.
She entered her uncle’s study. He was speaking with Severus. The Roman’s face veiled into shock at her battered face.
“Sir,” she addressed him formally. “How is your son?”
“Uh,” Severus collected himself. “A bit worse for the ware. How are you?”
“Fine, thank you.”
“Raja,” Ardeth shot a dark eye at Tristan, “you are supposed to be resting.”
“Yes, uncle,” she said contritely. She addressed Severus once more, “Sir, although vengeance was had, justice for Osiris’ death was not.”
Tristan took her back to her room and sat with her in front of the fire. Dagonet, Bors, Arthur and Lancelot came to see her. She greeted them as if nothing were amiss.
“I ought to smash that kid’s head in,” Lancelot seethed.
“I’m the one that challenged him,” she told him.
“What? Why would you do a stupid thing like that? He outweighs you!” he scolded.
“Lancelot,” Arthur said.
“I’d say she got him pretty good,” Bors commended.
“I took his testicles,” Raja stated triumphantly.
The men winced. “My eyes will heal, as will his privates,” she assured them.
“Do you have a headache, Raja?” Dagonet asked, concerned. “Do you taste blood?”
“No,” she said. “Thank you, Dagonet.” She tried to smile at him.
“All this for a mouse,” Lancelot sighed.
Ardeth cleared his throat at the door. “I need a word with Raja, gentlemen.”
They filed out, saying they would come to see her later. Ardeth closed the door and sat across from Raja in the other armchair.
“This has certainly been an eventful day,” he mused. At her silence, he continued, “Have you nothing to say?”
“Justice was not had.”
“Despite that, Raja. Your actions were most egregious.”
“He killed Osiris.”
He worded his next sentence carefully. “I know you love your animal friends, little one. But you cannot seek vengeance for every misdeed done against them.”
“Why?”
Ardeth sighed inwardly. How could he tell his niece that the world would never accept such actions for defending an animal? No matter how much she truly loved them. To the outside world, all anyone would see was a little girl convinced that she could communicate with animals. A little girl convinced that animals felt just as much as humans. A little girl that believed animals deserved love.
“One cannot even seek vengeance for every misdeed done against a human friend, Raja. There is far more satisfaction in forgiveness than spilling the blood of another.”
“I don’t think I can forgive him,” she said regrettably.
“I understand. Perhaps you may start with acceptance then.”
Raja didn’t speak for several moments. “I’m sleepy now.”
As her uncle tucked her in, she thought about acceptance. She was so rarely accepted among anyone. But her little friends. The mice that found her and trusted her unconditionally. No cares for her odd appearance. All animals cared for was how they were treated. Raja felt honored when any one of them granted her their trust and affection. They did not care that she was small or inherently ill. When they were with her, they were protected.
She decided it didn’t matter if people did not accept that fact that animals were capable of being the most loyal of friends. They were not made for humans, they were entities unto their selves. The purest creatures to grace this planet.
“Will you give some thought to what I said?” Ardeth asked her.
“I will,” she promised. “Hug and kiss please.”
Meaning:
Na‘am fahamt: Yes, I understand