Mr. T's Wild Job Hunting Ride

Hey fool, guess who?  That's right, T gon be talkin' on the computer fo' yall.  Excited?  You damn well better be!  Personally, I'm most excited about eatin' again.  It's been a week since I ate last.  After I get my large paycheck from Mr. Jones, I'm goin' out for some good grub.  That's right, McDonald's.

Well, I guess I should back up a bit.  I din't used to be so desperate for work.  Back in the 80's, I was in high demand, poppin' up everywhere from Rocky to the WWF.  Another American hero, Hulk Hogan was in need of a tag partner.  I was mo' than happy to hep out the Huksta.  I also had lots of toys and merchandise, and da money was rollin' in.  I got tired of it though, and I bought a big house and a Batmobile and retired from whorin' out my image.  I didn't save enough money though, and soon I found myself out of cash.  Then I got cancer.  That was a low point in my life, but I made my comeback and beat cancer.  Unfortunately, I still needed a job. This is the story of me, Mr. T, and my quest for a steady job.  But first, I'll show some pictures of all the stuff I did in da 80's.

I had a short stint as the bodyguard for Alvin and them Chipmunks.  Nobody mess wit' da Chipmunks when T around!

Dis is my movie.  I hang mah head in shame.

I was buds wit' heroin-addicted, homosexual pop star Boy George.  Don't tell nobody!

Two examples of some fine T products.  I still got paid lots, even after those kids were injured with da frisbee malfunction.

I even gave advice to da kids, an' I'd like to think dat it hepped dem.

Things was goin' great at that point, but I threw it all away for a Batmobile and a life-sized model of da mansion from Silver Spoons.  Soon I had to sell da house an' da Batmobile just so I could keep eatin'.  An' then I had to go out an' find a job.  Well, it wasn't as easy as you'd think for a washed-up star to find any kind of job.  At first, I went out lookin' fo' da top of the line jobs.  In other words, I went to Kroger. Dat din't work out so well, as you will see. I had lots of time to do stuff after dat, so I drawed a picture about Kroger one day.  Then I ate da crayons and dey gave me rainbow crap.

Well, after dat, I checked everywhere else, an' nobody want to give Mr. T a job.  After six months, I was really tired of eatin' rats.  It was time to pawn my gold chains.  Dat was da best decision I evah made.  I saw Alf at da pawn shop, an' he told me bout dis guy named Wright who got some stupid website.  Alf said Wright needed hep wit' dis computer jibba-jabba, so I went to see him.  He ain't dat good at computerin', but he really hands out da paychecks. He said he would take me to da best restaurant in Dalton if I wrote an article, an' den he would pay me in Cracker Jacks.  Damn good deal if ya be askin' me.  I agreed, an' started workin' on dis article.  Along da way, I got arrested fo' indecent exposure, but dat's anuhtha story fo' anuhtha day.  I's going to McDonald's now, so I gots to say goodbye.  I pity da fool who din't like dis article!

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