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"Carey, I need to discuss something with you." Mr. Wick announced out of no where.  Drew turned in his chair to look at his boss.
"Mr. Wick, I've told you a thousand times I will not strip for your mother." Drew stated matter-of-factly.
"Hmm?  Oh no, we got the mailman to do that.  What I was going to say was that I think you need an assistant."
"An assistant?  How come?"
"Well, Carey, nothing personal but you're kind of sluggish around the office.  All you need is someone to do little things so your poor legs don't have to support you all the time."
"If you don't mind my asking sir," Drew said as he cocked his head, "since when do you give a crap?"
"Well, since I got a talking to from the chairman after that little incident in the perfume department.  Anymore collapsing in any department and their superiors are gone, so I figured your legs have been holding that gut of yours up all these years, they're not likely to last much longer.  So get on with it Carey."  With that, Mr. Wick turned and walked back to his office, leaving Drew to glare at his back.
"Bastard" Drew said as he shook his head.  Mr. Wick poked his head out of his office.
"What was that Carey?"
"Uh...I said 'faster!'.  Yeah...stupid computer" Drew replied weakly.  Another rotten save by Drew Carey Drew thought to himself as he turned back to his computer.

A week later, while the opening for Drew's assistant was still there, a young girl walked into the office space and stood in front of Drew's desk.  Drew was working, so he didn't notice at first.
"Excuse me," she asked timidly, "are you Mr. Carey?"  Drew looked up at the girl.  She was fairly short, around 5'3", with shoulder length brown hair and blonde highlights.  Her face was round and she had large brown eyes.  She looked so innocent, Drew guessed she in her mid-twenties.
"Well," Drew had to think for a second, due to the fact that he wasn't used to people calling him "Mr. Carey", "Yes, yes I am.  What can I do for you."
"Well, I was downstairs and I asked if they had any job openings, and they said to find you.  I'm looking for a job."
"Can I have your name?"
"Twyla Carson."  Drew lifted his eyebrows at the name.  He had never heard anyone with the name "Twyla" before, but decided to ignore it for now.  She probably gets enough crap for it as it is he thought.
"Well Twyla, let's see where I can put you...Oh, wait!  I have an idea.  I'm in need of an assistant up here, would you mind doing that?"
"What would I have to do?"
"Oh, not much.  Little things for me here and there."
Twyla rolled her eyes. "The last time a guy gave me a job description like that, I ended up drugged and unconscious.  The next thing I knew, I was wrapped in a giant burrito."
"Oh, well," Drew paused, noticeably thrown by the mental picture, "I'm pretty sure you won't have to do anything like that.  Just errands around the office and things like that."
"In that case, you've just found yourself an assistant."
"Great!  Can you start tomorrow?"
"The sooner the better."
* * * * * * * * * * *
The Warsaw that night was the usual.  Drew, Kate, Oswald, and Lewis sitting around consuming far too much alcohol for their own good.  Though they noticed some people setting up some equipment by the stairs, they shrugged it off.  Once the equipment was set up, a young girl's voice rang out from the microphone.
"Uh, excuse me..."  A few people turned around, but most ignored her.  Drew turned around to find Twyla standing in front of the microphone with two other guys, one with  keyboards and one with a guitar.  She was  wearing a tight red tank-top and black pants.  He lifted his eyebrows at the coincidence.  Twyla, figuring she'd take the audience she had, continued.
"Hi, we're new to Cleveland and to the Warsaw, and if everything goes well we'll be performing here again.  So, have fun, and enjoy."  With that, she picked up her own guitar and started sing:
"I see your face every day, and I don't know what you're like
Don't know who you are, or what you're after
We seem so much alike, but you don't make sense to me
The only thing that does is your laughter

I hear the music that you make
Notes I can not replicate
Singing to a rhythm all your own

Will I ever make you laugh that way
Could I ever make you smile that way
The way that you always do, when I'm not near
Will I see into your world
Will I ever be your girl
Or will you remain to me
A curiosity..."

It was here that Drew and the gang turned back to their beers as Twyla continued singing. 
"Well, they're pretty good."  Drew said, attempting to start intelligent conversation. 
"Yeah, and that singer is hot!"  Oswald said enthusiastically.  Drew rolled his eyes.
"Yeah" Lewis joined in, "she's got a real Courtney Love quality to her."
"All right, that's enough.  She's my assistant, and I don't know how I'll look at her with a straight face again if this keeps up." Drew said,  attempting to calm his friends down.  Oswald and Lewis' eyes lit up at this.
"Drew, buddy, pal..." Lewis said slyly.
"Don't you dare." Drew replied forcefully, "I don't know what's going on in your head, but I don't want any part of it."
"Aw, c'mon Drew.  At least introduce me." Lewis pleaded.
Drew didn't have a chance to reply as the song ended and the people applauded loudly.  Twyla nodded sheepishly while the other two guys waved to acknowledge the gesture.  Twyla stepped up to the mike again.
"Thank you.  We're going to take a break but we'll be back in a few."  At that moment, Twyla spotted her boss at his table and waved.  She took a minute to talk to the guitarist then walked to Drew's table.
"Hey Mr. Carey!  I didn't think you'd be here."  Twyla said with a wide grin.
"Well, I'm here every night.  And how many times have I told you not to call me 'Mr. Carey'?  Just call me 'Drew'."
"All right Drew" Twyla replied with a shrug.  Lewis took this opportunity to clear his throat loudly, causing Twyla to look over.  Drew shook his head.
"Twyla, this is Lewis, Oswald, and Kate.  Guys, this is Twyla."  Everyone exchanged hellos and Kate invited Twyla to sit next to her.
"So, you say you guys are new here?" Kate asked.
"Yeah, we got together in college and right now we're just traveling around looking for a place to settle.  This town certainly beats the last one we were in.  Last town, we were performing bachelor parties."  Everyone made sympathetic noises at this and Twyla continued: "Yeah, the only up-side to this was that Pat always managed to find a date in the end."
"Really?" Oswald nodded his head. " So, this Pat person, who is she?"
"Yeah, can you point her out?  Is she a friend?"  Lewis asked as he looked around.  Twyla rolled her eyes. 
"Pat is in the band, and HE is over there."  She motioned over to the guy who was playing keyboards before.  He was tall and lanky, with dark hair, chocolate brown eyes, and thin-rimmed glasses.  Drew and Kate stifled their giggles while Lewis and Oswald looked down sheepishly.
"So," Lewis said once he managed to remove his foot from his mouth, "Pat is..."
"Gay" Twyla stated simply.  She looked around for a second, as if expecting a reaction.
"You guys are all right with that?"
"Oh yeah," Kate replied, "That's nothing.  I mean, Drew's brother is a cross-dresser, and as for these two," she motioned to Lewis and Oswald, "they've had more close calls than I care to think about."
"Kate!" Lewis growled, "Thanks a lot."
"Yeah," Oswald joined in, "I've told you a thousand times it was an accident!"
Twyla looked at Lewis and Oswald quizzically, while Lewis rolled his eyes and shot Oswald a glare.
"So, enough about us, more about you.  So you're big on playing instruments huh?" Lewis began.
"Yeah, it's so relaxing to me." Twyla grinned.
"Well, you're pretty good."
"Thanks" Twyla grinned.
"Maybe I could play some of your instruments." Lewis said mischievously.
"Well I'm not sure if..." Twyla trailed off as she suddenly realized Lewis wasn't talking about her guitar.  She looked down and gave a nervous chuckle.  He's making a pass at me, what do I do? Twyla thought as she looked around nervously.  Then something caught her eye.
"Greg!  Greg come here and meet my boss!" She called.  With that the other guitarist came over to the table.  He was only a couple inches taller than Twyla and had brown eyes, curly auburn hair, and defined cheekbones.  He gave Twyla a peck on the forehead then sat down.
"Greg," Twyla began, "this is my boss, Drew Carey.  And this is Kate, Oswald, and Lewis.  Guys, this is my boyfriend."  Twyla emphasized "boyfriend" as she said it.
"Your boyfriend." Lewis said with slight dissapointment.
"Yes," Twyla grinned, "my boyfriend.  My dear sweet boyfriend who I love very, very much."  She said with slight nervousness in her voice.
"Well, thank you.  That's good to know."  Greg said sarcastically as he lifted an eyebrow.
"See!  He's funny too."  Twyla was beginning to sound dangerously perky, as she was hoping to get the "boyfriend" point across to Lewis.
"Twy, did something happen?"  Greg asked.  Twyla was about to say something when she caught a glimpse of Lewis looking downward with dread.
"No," she said simply, "no, it was nothing."  Greg shrugged it off.
"Ok.  Anyway, we need to get back."  Greg motioned back to the stage.  With that, the couple left.
"Wow," Lewis lifted his eyebrows, "any other girl would've sicced her boyfriend on me at the drop of a hat.  She let it go."
"Yeah," Kate agreed, "that was real nice of her.  She's something else."
"She really is..." Lewis agreed wistfully.
* * * * * * * * * *         *        *     
Twyla got to work the next day, and it was turning out better than Drew expected.  Lunch hour came around and he didn't regret hiring her for a second.  He got a little nervous when his friends showed up to take him to lunch, especially when Lewis said he wanted to talk to Twyla alone.
"As if you didn't scare her enough by hitting on her."  Drew said accusingly.
"Trust me Drew, it's not going to be anything like that.  She has a boyfriend and I don't want to push her." Lewis said quietly.
"Really?"  Drew was shocked.
"Yeah, and besides like we said, she's different.  I'm not sure if I'll ever have a chance at dating her, but she's the first girl I've felt this way about in ages."  Lewis sighed.
"What way?" Drew asked.
"Like I want to get to know her anyway, even if it's just as friends." Lewis looked at his friend, expecting him to have a coronary right there in his cubicle.
"Wow, Lewis that was beautiful."  Drew smiled.
"Yeah, but if that jerk boyfriend does anything to her I'll be right there to pick up the pieces.  Then I'll kick his ass."  Lewis said with a nod.  Drew shrugged, half relieved that Lewis didn't go all sensitive on him.  At that moment, Twyla came to the cubicle with papers in her arms.
"Here you go Drew, I got those photocopies for you."  Twyla said as she dumped the papers on Drew's desk.
"Twyla, it's lunch time.  You didn't have to do that right now."
"Oh..."
Lewis took this opportunity to clear his throat again.  Twyla looked over and shrugged.
"Right," Drew said, "well, Lewis, I'll meet you outside."  With that, Drew left, leaving Lewis and Twyla in an awkward silence.
"Hi," Lewis said with his eyes lowered.
"Hey" Twyla responded, as nervous as Lewis.  A few more moments of silence ensued before Lewis spoke up.
"Look, about last night.  I'm really sorry, I had no idea..."
"Lewis, don't worry about it."  Twyla reassured. "It was an honest mistake, and I understand."
"Well that's good." Lewis said with relief. " Still, do you think we could start over?  You know, pretend that never happened?"
"Absolutely." Twyla nodded.  "You seem like an interesting guy.  A little too impulsive for your own good maybe, but interesting."
"Good.  Say, do you want to have lunch with me, and Drew, and everyone else?"  Lewis asked.
"I'd love to."  Twyla responded as she grabbed her coat.
"You know," Lewis began as they walked out, "I'm really glad you didn't send your boyfriend after me."
"No problem.  Besides, what all could he do to you anyway, he'd need a step stool just to look you in the eye."
The two walked out of the office gabbing and laughing, both eager to start their new friendship.

Part Two