~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Yeah, I'm having a great time…What have I been doing?  Just a little kiss and that- I mean, this and that…What…Nothing.  I've just been having a good time is all.  Listen, I'm thinking about heading home probably tomorrow afternoon.  I think the flight is at four.  I'll give you a call to let you know for sure.  Talk to you then…bye!"

I hung up the phone with a sigh of relief.  I managed to not to tell my mother about the wind-swept happenings of the past few days.  The kiss last night was amazing, breathtaking. 
*******
After we broke away, we both stood there in the pouring rain, just staring at each other. Almost as if we had read each other's minds, we turned toward the sidewalk and began to step simultaneously.  Not a word was spoken to each other as we both walked toward the hotel door side by side.  I took a quick look at Ryan as we entered the hotel.  His eyes had a glazed over look as a smile formed on his face.  His right hand came up and his thumb began to softly rub his lower lip in slow motion.  He began to look over at me, but I was aware of it and looked in the other direction.

We took the elevator upstairs to our floor.  Unlike all the other times we had gotten out of the elevator together, this time we parted as soon as the door opened and headed to our respective rooms.  When I got to mine, I closed the door behind me and leaned against it with a sigh.  Only in my dreams had I imagined a moment like that to happen to me.  I had hoped that Ryan was equally enjoying the aftermath of the moment and would have the same pleasant dreams as I was about to have as I changed out of my wet clothes and crawled under my covers. 
**********
Snapping myself out of this wonderful daydream, I began to pack up my things around my room.  Part of me wanted to go home and see my family, but part of me wanted to stick around to see what would develop from this Ryan situation. Ryan…Ryan…hmm, I thought.  He usually comes by my room to say hi and check in for the day.  I picked up the phone by the television and called his room.  Ring…Ring…Ring  No answer.  Oh well, I assumed, he must be at the studio working on that paperwork he said he had to work on.  I thought nothing of it, and returned to my packing.

After filling my main suitcase with most of my clothes, I decided to head downstairs to the lobby gift shop.  When I reached the shop, I noticed that there were numerous stacks of local papers leftover from the morning rush.  I picked up one of the papers and glanced at the front cover to see what was happening in the world.  I flipped the paper over to read the bottom half and the main headline in bold read, "Help Wanted: A Teacher Shortage in California".  Since I had just graduated from college with an elementary education degree, this article caught my interest in particular.  I stood in the store and read the article word for word.  Schools in California were experiencing the baby-boomer times and the amount of students flooding the school had become too much to handle for most school districts.

"Wow," I muttered to myself as I finished the article.  Since graduating, I had hit a few roadblocks in terms of finding a teaching job.  I wasn't sure where I wanted to go and apply, and I didn't know what age I would like to instruct.  "Maybe this is my calling," I considered as I put the paper back in its proper stack and walked back to the elevator.  I stood in the elevator for a long time, waiting for the doors to close.  After what seemed like minutes, the doors closed as I saw a figure running to catch it from the lobby.  The doors opened again and Ryan's figure stood before me.  He bent over, trying to catch his breath.  Each inhale and exhale was heavy, but slowed down after a few seconds.  Ryan soon stood up.

"Hey," I said softly.  He half-smiled back at me and walked into the elevator.  Seeing that the 2nd floor button was already pushed, he looked back down at the ground and fiddled with some change in his pocket.  We hadn't talked since that rainy night and that awkward tension was beginning to build with every passing moment in each other's presence. 

"About the other night-"

"Yeah," Ryan said, interrupting me quickly, "Um…we need to talk.  Are you going to be around tonight?"

As much as I wanted to come up with an excuse, I wanted to talk with him about what happened.  "I should be…" I said, as emotions flooded my mind and the thought of my flight that afternoon was overtaken.  Is this a good thing?  What's going to come out of this talk?  Should I smile when we get off the elevator?  Ugh, I'm such a worrywart, I mouthed to myself.

We reached our floor once again.  The doors opened and I quickly made my way out to the hallway.  "Uh, how about I stop by around 7ish tonight?  I'll pick up some Chinese and we can sit down and talk it out." Ryan said with a half-smile.

"Sounds good.  See you then."  I replied as I turned and walked in the direction of my room. 

I must have fallen asleep that afternoon after I got back to my room because I woke up to look at the clock next to me.  "4:30?!  Shit, I missed my flight!  Damn it!"  I jumped out of bed and ran to the phone.  My mother had given me a bunch of phone cards as part of her graduation gift to me, so I pulled out one of them and decided to call her and let her know I missed the flight. 

After talking to my mother and reassuring her I would find a flight home at another date, I went downstairs to the front desk and explained my situation.  The woman I spoke to was very understanding and gave me two more days to figure out how in the world I was going to get home.  On my way back up to my room, I passed by the gift shop again.  That newspaper article entered my mind again.  I noticed that the cashier had been closing up shop, so I quickly ran over and picked up the paper.  Paying for the paper, I reviewed the article.  Could this be some kind of sign for me?  Thoughts ran through my head about what my life would be like if I stayed out here to teach.  My family is back on the east coast…How often would I get to see them if I was here? 

I got back to my room and sat down on my bed.  I grabbed a pen off the nightstand and circled the article several times, noting that it was something I wanted to think about. 

A knock came at the door.  I looked at my watch.  "Wow," I said, noticing it was 7 p.m., "7 o'clock…right on the dot.  Gotta love a man who's punctual."  I put the newspaper down on the bed and walked over to open the door.  Ryan stood in the doorway, wearing a pair of blue jeans, a windbreaker jacket, and a solid blue fitted baseball cap.  In his right hand, he held a white plastic bag that enclosed a brown paper bag spotted with grease marks. 

"Room service?" he said with a smile and presented the bag in front of him.

I chuckled and motioned for him to come into the room.  Ryan unbuttoned his windbreaker to reveal a burgundy button-down shirt that was loosely tucked into his jeans.  Damn, he looks good, I thought.  He put down the bag by the television and walked over to the coat "closet" to hang up his jacket.  I couldn't help watching him walk over to hang up his coat.  What's coming over me?  I have to snap out of it, I kept telling myself.  His cute butt belongs to someone else, not me.  I lightly tapped myself across my cheek.

"So, I have beef and broccoli, sweet and sour chicken, and vegetable fried rice," Ryan stated as he walked over to the bag of Chinese food.  "Which should we start with?"

"Hmm," I contemplated, "How about sweet and sour chicken?  To…uh…commemorate our little talk."

Ryan gave me a confused look, but it soon relaxed, as he understood the subtlety of the comment.   "Excellent choice," he replied as he took the box of chicken and the sauce out of the bag.  He sat down on the bed and opened the box.  I followed his lead and sat down at the head of the bed.  I almost dreaded the start of this conversation, but I wanted to get it over with.

Ryan cleared his throat and took a deep breath.  "Now about last night," he started as he popped in a piece of chicken smothered in sauce.  "I'm not sure where to start.  What are your thoughts?"

Oh God, I thought.  He's starting with me?  I tried to think of something fast.  "I would kinda like to hear what you have to say first."

"Alright.  Well, first off, let me say that I'm sorry about that comment I made about you being single.  I jumped the gun and I had no idea about any of your previous relationships.  I just assumed, and I feel so guilty about that."

"Don't worry about it.  It could have happened to anyone who doesn't know me that well."  I answered back.  Ryan stared back at me in silence.  "I mean…ugh, I'll just shut up.  Go on."

"Anyway, when you ran out of the room, I had no idea that you would react that way.  I wanted to explain myself, but before I could, the door slammed in front of me.  I ran after you in hopes of trying to catch you before you did anything foolish, like hurting yourself."

"But I wouldn't have…"

"Just let me finish," he continued, "When I got outside, I saw that it was pouring rain as you ran into the street.  I watched you trying to hail a cab and prayed that you wouldn't be able to get one.  When you couldn't get one, I saw you try to head for the other side of the street and that's when my instincts told me to go after you.  I grabbed your arm to drag you back safely to the other side of the street.  That's when you fought me off…I couldn't believe that you wanted to get away from me!  You broke away and darted down the street.  But I noticed that the falling rain was having an effect on how you ran.  Your wet jeans clung to your legs which seemed to make it hard to run."

I grimaced as I remembered the feeling of the wet material against me.  I picked up a piece of chicken and dipped it into the container of sauce.

"So, the only thing I could think of to do was to run after you again, but this time you were farther off than I thought and I couldn't catch up to you.  When I got to the other side of the street, I saw you turn around and head back towards me.  I thought maybe you had reconsidered your actions and was coming back to me to talk.  We made eye contact with each other briefly as you began to run towards me.  All of a sudden, I saw you go up in the air.  Luckily, my long legs move fast so I was able to catch up to you and grab you before you hit the ground."

"Thank you for that," I said as I wiped the corner of my mouth.

"When I picked you up from your fall, you looked right into my eyes at that moment and I swear you saw right through me.  I'm not sure if it was your rain soaked hair dangling in front of your face or the pain in your eyes, but what came over me just then…I just can't explain.  It just…felt right.  When we kissed, all these emotions flooded through me.  The intensity of the second kiss electrified something in me that I hadn't felt in a long time.  Maybe it was the newness of it all…the spontaneity…"

Ryan looked down at the bed at that moment, massaging his hands.  "What are you trying to say?" I asked, not sure of what to expect just then.

As I looked at him, he seemed to be at a loss for words.  I could tell, though, that the wheels were turning in his head as he tried to put his thoughts together.  Ryan looked perplexed for a few seconds as he reached for the last piece of chicken.  He put it into his mouth and chewed the piece for what seemed like more than enough time.  He swallowed it slowly and began to talk.

"What I'm trying to say is that…the kiss was, well…amazing.  It was so…and you were so…God, it was just something I hadn't felt in a long time.  I mean, my wife and I were never afraid to be intimate with each other, but after 20 plus years, that spark just begins to fade.  But that brings me to another point.  Lisa, I'm married.  I have loved getting to know you over these past few days, but what ever may be developing here just can't continue, ya know?"

I nodded.  "I totally understand.  I mean, I thought what happened between us was breathtaking.  It was just…(sigh) oh god.  But, I don't want to be the other woman.  I don't want to end a marriage that has been based so much on trust and love.  We need to try to forget all that happened and go on with our lives.  It's going to be hard for me…" I said with a wink.

"Same here," he said, "So I've decided to head home.  No offense, but I need to get away from here and go back to my family."

"I understand.  I wish I could leave.  I missed my flight this afternoon and now I have to try to find another flight home in the next few days," I responded.

"How did you manage to miss your flight?"

"Well, my flight was actually at 4 this afternoon, but after we arranged to get together tonight, I had totally forgotten about the flight and fell asleep.  When I woke up, it was 4:30!  So, I called my mother and explained the situation.  The front desk woman  downstairs, who I also talked to, was very nice and let me have two more days here to figure out what I'm going to do." I said as I picked up the newspaper.  "I went to the gift shop after that and picked up a local paper to read.  I found this fascinating article about a teacher shortage around here.  I think it's my calling."

I handed Ryan the article.  He glanced over it for a few minutes and looked up at me.  "You should consider doing this.  I think California would be better off with a teacher like you."

"Really?" I asked.  "I mean, my family lives on the east coast and I just can't imagine what life would be like not seeing them very often."

"That could be a problem, Lisa, but you have to think about yourself sometimes.  What would you like to do with your life?  The schools in California are wonderful.  I mean, both of my children are in school now and they never cease to amaze me with the things they learn."

"Wow, I will definitely be thinking about this over the next few days." I said with a nod.

Ryan looked down at his watch.  "Oh wow, look at the time.  I should be heading home.  I told Pat I would be there in about 15 minutes, but I don't think I am going to make it."  Ryan quickly got up from the bed and went over to put his jacket on.  He placed his cap on his head and pulled the brim down to fix it in place.  "Lisa, it was really nice getting to…uh, know you.  I hope that whatever road you choose will be the right one.  If you go back home, come back and visit LA anytime.  Look me up and we'll try to get you on the show again," Ryan said with a chuckle.  We embraced quickly and Ryan walked out the door without a second glance. 
****************
The next morning I found myself looking at that article again.  Maybe Ryan was right.  I have to think for myself about this.  It seems like an awesome opportunity.  The sun, the celebrities around every corner…I think I'm going to do this!  Yes, I'm going to work in California!  I felt at ease all of a sudden as I reached a final conclusion.  It was still early, so I decided not to call home just yet.  I needed the time to put my thoughts together.

I sat down on the bed and flipped on the television to see what's happening in the world.  All of a sudden, my phone rang.  I picked up the receiver.  "Hello?" I asked, wondering who else knew this number.

"This is the front desk. We have a gentleman standing in the lobby requesting a room.  But due to our not having any vacancies, we cannot give him one.  However, he says that he knows you and you can have the option of having him come room with you."

As the woman spoke to me, I couldn't figure out who this gentleman was.  My brother went home a few days ago and Ryan went home last night to his family.  "Well, I need to know who this gentleman is before I allow him to room with me."

"Ma'am, he says he's on his way up.  Let us know what you decide," the front desk told me and hung up the phone.  Suddenly, a rapid pounding sounded at my door.  I ran over to my door and quickly opened it up to see Ryan standing in front of me.  His face was a stark white and his hair was tousled.  The look in his eyes told me he hadn't slept at all last night.

"Ryan," I said, confused, "I thought you went home last night."

Ryan closed his eyes and shook his head with a sigh.  "I did go home.  Can I just come in please?" he said with a hint of desperation.

I waved my arm into the room as he entered.  I couldn't imagine why he had come back to the hotel.  Here I thought I would never see him again.  "Goodness, Ryan.  You look like you've seen a ghost!  Did something happen at home?"

"Yeah, I guess you could say that." Ryan said as he sat down on my bed.  "Last night while I was heading home, I hit quite a bit of traffic in the city.  I tried calling home on my phone to let them know, but I got a busy signal.  Well, the traffic detained me for over an hour.  Must have been an accident or something.  Anyway, when I got home, I found my wife sitting in the dark in the family room.  I flipped on the light, wondering why she was sitting there in pitch blackness.  She got up from her seat and walked over to me.  I held out my arms to give her a hug, but instead her face got contorted and she asked me where the hell I had been.  I told her that I got stuck in traffic for over an hour and that I tried calling her but the line was busy.  I guess she didn't believe me, so she walked past me into another room ranting about how the kids have been asking where I was and she could only tell them that I was working on the show, which I have been!  Then the tirade returned to the same shit we've been trying to work out for years, with my priorities being out of whack.  So, for the hundredth time I attempted to explain myself to no avail.  She stormed out of the house and slammed the door.  I tried to follow her, but Pat got in her car and flew out of the driveway.  I could only stand there and watch her drive away.  About 20 minutes later, the phone rang…it was Pat.  She went on and on about how she couldn't deal with this anymore and she needed some time alone.  I asked her what that meant and there was this long pause over the phone.  She said…" Ryan broke off and seemed to be getting upset.

I felt a lump in my throat, knowing where this argument was going.  "She said what, Ry?"

"She said…that maybe we should try a trial separation. And that I wasn't to be home by morning when she returned." Ryan walked over to the sliding doors to the balcony.  He stood there for a few seconds, taking some deep breaths.  I couldn't tell whether he was upset or not.  I walked over to him and put my arm around his shoulder. 

"Ryan," I started, "Maybe it's all for the best.  I always believed in the 'things happen for a reason' motto, so I'm sure it will all work out and if it's meant to be, it's meant to be."

"I just hate to see a 20 year plus relationship go down the shithole because of my actions."

"I know," I said as I rubbed his shoulder.  "If it's any consolation to you, I've decided to look for a job out here and now I have to break the news to my parents.  My decision has made me so happy, but I'm upset that I have to tell my parents the news.  I may not see them for a long, long time."  I said with glassy eyes.  By this time, we were both looking out at the view that stood before us. 

"Wow, what a bittersweet moment.  I'm happy for you," Ryan said as he turned towards me.

"Listen," I said, "I should call my parents now, so why don't you go take a walk and gather your thoughts.  It always helped me.  Come on back in about 30 minutes.  Oh, and I'll call downstairs and let them know that you can room with me for the time being."

"Thank you so much, Lisa," Ryan expressed as he walked out the door.

I picked up the phone and called the front desk and informed them that it was okay that Ryan stayed in the same room.  I hung up the phone and sat down on the bed to put my thoughts together.  I had to make it sound like I was happy and that it was the best choice for me.  I reached for my wallet and got out a phone card to use to call my parents.  Unexpectedly, the phone rang.  On the other end, it was the voice I had longed but dreaded to hear.

"Hi, Mom…"
*****************
"But Dad, you don't understand!  This is…Yes, I'm aware of that.  Mom, look…I'm so happy about this.  Why can't you accept it?"  I argued.  Thirty minutes must have passed by because I heard the fumbling of the lock on the door.  Ryan walked in and noticed that I was still on the phone.  He quietly took off his jacket and put it on a hanger.  I had my back turned to him, so he didn't know that I knew he came in.  He tapped me on the shoulder.  I turned around and looked at him through my tear-stained eyes.  I held up my index finger to him to let him know that I was almost done.

"Mom…Dad…listen.  This is something I'm so excited about doing.  That article was my calling, a sign from God…a 5-hour plane ride…what the hell does that have to do with it?  I feel like I'm talking in circles around you guys.  I'll expect the rest of my things out here by the end of the week…Dad, I can handle this on my own…I'm a grown woman, I can do this!  Ugh, I can't deal with this anymore!" I yelled and slammed down the phone.  My head fell into my hands and I began to sob uncontrollably.  Out of the blue, I found the comforting hand that I needed to get through this.

Ryan had sat down next to me while I was on the phone with my parents and was now sitting close to me on the bed.  As I began to sob, his hand rubbed my back softly in small circles while his other hand lay on my knee.  It was a comfort to know that I didn't have to talk for Ryan to know how I felt.  My tears began to subside and I took my head out of my hands. 
"Why can't they just accept what I want to do in my life?" I cried.

"Been there, done that," Ryan said with a half-smile, "And as you said before, things happen for a reason.  If it was meant to happen, it will.  When I went for my walk, I realized more and more that I should believe in that and so should you."

"Wow, I guess you're right, Ryan." I said.  A few final tears fell from my face as I took a cleansing breath.  "Thank you for just being there for comfort." I said as I leaned in to give him a hug.  Since we were both sitting down, it was easier this time to hug him as my chin finally was able to rest on the top of his shoulder.  His hug was a little tighter this time as we held each other in consolation.  We released from the hug somewhat and just looked at each other.  Ryan's hands, which hand been at my waist during the hug, were now at my upper arms.  He rubbed them slowly with a half-smile.  I blinked away what seemed like the last of my tears.  One, however, seemed to sneak past and fell down my cheek.  Ryan managed to blot it with his thumb that slowly moved across my cheek.  Instead of taking his hand away from my face, it remained there and the expression on his face became very serious and his eyes became wide.  He leaned in towards me, closing his eyes. 

Knowing that he was leaning in too close, I turned away and got up from the bed.  Ryan fell over across where I had been sitting.  "I hope we were just getting caught up in the moment," I said as I opened up my suitcase. 

"Something like that," Ryan replied.  "I think I'm going to go to the vending machines to get a snack.  I'll be back in a bit."  He grabbed his wallet and key and walked out the door.

"This is a prime time for me to go take a shower," I mumbled as I reached in my suitcase for a change of clothes.  I grabbed a pair of jean shorts and a black shirt and went into the bathroom.

When I had rinsed my poof and turned off the shower, I began to sing some of the songs from "Greatest Hits" that I had come to love.  I started with 'I've Got a Pygmy in my Pocket and a Rhino on my Tail'.  I stepped out of the shower onto a towel I had set down as a bathmat.  I heard commotion outside and figured it was Ryan coming back from the vending machines.  I kept singing my songs regardless of whether Ryan could hear me or not.  I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my hair.  I used another one and began to wipe my back off by extending the towel across my back and pulling back and forth in a sweeping motion.

All of a sudden, the doorknob on the door moved.  It's probably just the steam moving around in the bathroom, I thought as I continued drying. 

"Lisa, are you in…" The bathroom door flew open and all that stood between Ryan and me was the linen towel that was now wrapped around only my waist. 

We both stood there staring at each other, wondering what to do with this new situation.


Part Five