I’ve Got You, Babe
by K.
****
1-Everything’s Coming Up…
"Do you think it's the flu? It can't be food poisoning, honey, because we
ate the same things last night." Deb looked at Colin worriedly as he
slowly came out of the bathroom. His color was
definitely off ~ more like the color of Luke's stuffed dinosaurs than his
normal peachy color. Colin scrubbed at his face with both hands. "Can't be the flu.
No one else has it, and... Erk..." He ran back into the bathroom and threw
up yet again.
(If I didn't know any better, I'd swear he was pregnant! I was that way through
the entire nine months I carried Luke...) Deb picked up the phone and called
their family doctor, Dr. Steinway. "He's not eating, he can't keep
anything down, and I've never seen him this miserable before! He never acts
this sick - you know him... tough it out and make a joke, and suffer in
silence. Frankly, I'm frightened!"
Luckily the doctor had an opening that afternoon. Now, all she had to do
was pry Colin away from the toilet long enough to
drive over there.
"Doc, I don't know what's going on!" Colin sat in the examining room
as the doctor prodded, poked, and listened to various organs. "I can't eat,
the smell of anything fried makes me sick, I'm so tired I can't think straight,
and when I do get to sleep I have these bizarre nightmares!" "Nightmares?"
"I've got something inside me and it's eating its way through my insides.
Or..." The nurse recognized the look on Colin's face and hurriedly handed
him a catch basin just before he lost what remained of his breakfast. When the
spell passed, he weakly handed the basin back and murmured "Thanks. You
see what I mean?"
The doctor took the nurse aside. "I want that examined and cultured - if
there's a parasitic reason for what's happening it
should be easy to detect." She nodded and left the room quickly. "All
right, Mr. Mochrie. Let's get some blood and see what's going on, shall
we?" At the first touch of the needle, Colin passed out.
A week later, Colin got a phone call at the studio. "I would like you and
your wife to come in as soon as you can." "Did you find
something?" <Click> Everyone on the show
knew he hadn't been feeling well, and the mood on the set was definitely edgy.
"Look, don't worry about it, man... we have
enough tape to get at least a full show. Go on, get out of here and let us know
what the doc says, okay?" Drew patted him gently on the back before
leaving.
****
2-Something’s Happening Here…
Dr. Steinway was
waiting in the office as Deb and Colin entered. The top of his desk was
completely covered with textbooks, lab sheets, and other papers. From the look
of him, he hadn't been asleep in a couple of days... Deb clutched Colin's hand
tightly. (It can't be good. Oh God, please don't let him be dying!)
"I must be honest with you. I've never seen or read of another case like
this. All the tests for 'common' ailments came up negative. You don't have an
ulcer, cancer, or a hernia. There's no sign of parasitic infestation,
infection, or obstruction. I've been completely at a loss for the cause of your
distress." He removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "Based on the
symptoms you were experiencing, and against all common sense, I ran one more
blood test." He replaced his glasses and looked at the both of them.
"It came back positive." Deb gasped, and Colin tightened his grip on
her hand. "AIDS?" he whispered. "No. Not AIDS. Congratulations,
Mr. Mochrie, you're pregnant!"
"Are you out of your mind!!!! In case you haven't noticed, doctor, my
husband is a MAN! And men do not get pregnant!" Deb was livid as she stood
and pulled on Colin's hand. "
"I sent a vial of your blood to
Deb was stunned. "But how? I mean, if he's
producing both sperm and eggs, did he fertilize himself?" Colin put his
face in his hands and bent double. (Oh no) "Mrs. Mochrie, that would be an impossibility - the 'equipment', so to speak, is
incompatible. There is no way to get there from here, if you know what I
mean." (Oh God)
"You...
you... bastard!"
Colin was rocked back as Deb slapped his face hard. "You
two-timing little bastard! Who was he? God,
***
3-You’re Moving Out Today…
Colin watched as
she burst into angry tears. He wanted to reach for her but stopped as she
raised a hand. "For your information, Colin Andrew Mochrie, I'm so pissed
off right now that I could do some serious damage. It's bad enough to know you
cheated on me, but to do it with one of our best friends? What the hell were
you thinking?" She raised a hand to
her mouth. "Poor Tricia! And Luke! What are we
going to tell Luke?" "Deb…" She angrily wiped her eyes and
glared. "Don't you `Deb' me! You're moving out. Today.
I'm not going to sit around watching you blow up like a balloon with another
man's child! I want you out of the house before Luke comes home from school
today. Is… that… clear?"
Colin felt that little flutter in his stomach, like a feather, or maybe a
butterfly floating inside. His hands cradled his belly instinctively. (I'm
having a baby!) His world was coming down around his ears, but right now, that
didn't matter. He stroked his stomach lightly. (Looks like its
just you and me, babe. Ryan! I've got to
tell Ryan!)
They rode home in silence. Now that he knew what was happening, it all made
sense. Maybe not perfect sense, but hey… Throughout the drive, Colin kept one
hand protectively over the new life growing inside him. (A
baby!)
As they pulled into the driveway Deb glared at him. "Get your clothes,
your toys, your computer, anything that you want to
keep. If it's in the house after today,
I'm going to burn it. You've got three hours until Luke gets here."
"Deb? I didn't mean for any of this to happen, you know that don't
you?" He watched as she stomped into the house, and then hurried after
her. When she said `three hours' she meant it, and time would soon be running
out.
It took less than three hours to disassemble their marriage. Boxes, suitcases,
even garbage bags filled the living room. "I think that's
everything." Colin mentally checked each room. "Oh,
no! Photos! I didn't go through the photos!" His stomach lurched as
he thought of all the boxes of photographs. All those years – before and after
he met Deb… the thought of losing all those precious memories…
Deb had been on the phone with a rental company arranging for a truck. Although
she'd had her back to him, she heard the whimpered `Photos!' and the sob that
came after it. She replaced the phone in its cradle and turned around. His
eyes, the first thing that had drawn her to him, were filling up with tears.
His shoulders were slumped, he looked exhausted, and as mad as she was Deb felt
a sudden stab of sympathy. "I'll get copies made. I won't destroy them,
***
4-Listen: Do You Want to Know a Secret?
Finding a place
to stay was no problem – he'd hole up in a hotel until he could figure out who to tell what. At least, with the cell phone he was still
reachable without having to explain another number. The movers brought his
things in and left. (Who would have thought that ten years could fit in one
room? Depressing, huh?) After tossing most of his things on the one bed, Colin
laid down on the other with his hands behind his head. A baby… this was going
to take some getting used to – and he needed to start making a list of the
things he'd need for the baby when it arrived. At least he had an idea of what
was needed because of Luke. Luke… Tears welled up in his eyes as he thought of
the first time he'd held his son. (No. I can't get
depressed. I've got to think of this baby.) He rubbed his hand across his
belly. (It's okay, kiddo. I'm not mad at you. And don't you ever feel that I
don't want you! We'll get through this somehow…)
From now on, he was going to have to be careful about what he thought and said.
All the parenting books said the developing fetus could hear what happened
around them and even picked up the emotions of the mother. (They're going to
have to find a new word because of me! Moddy? Dadmy? Host/parent? <Shudder>
I've got you, babe; and you've got me. That's all that matters. And I promise
I'll always take care of you.)
His cell phone rang, startling Colin out of a light doze. As he checked the
caller ID, Colin took a deep breath. (Ryan) He let the phone ring 4… 5… 6
times. "Hi, Ryan. What's up?" "What
took so long? I didn't wake you, did I? And what did the doc say?"
"It's… I…" "God,
There was a
pause, then a sudden "What the?
He set the phone down and looked at the messy room. (This won't do. I don't want him to see all this right now.)
Suddenly he had the strangest urge to tidy up. Colin literally flew around the
room putting clothes in the dresser and nightstands, sliding bags into the
closet and boxes under the bed. He put his laptop and printer on the sidebar
and looked around. (Still not totally neat and tidy, but an
improvement. At least now you can't tell how much junk I brought with
me! Too bad I don't have any flowers… or…) "Good God, I'm nesting!"
The absurdity of the entire situation finally struck him, and Colin began
giggling.
A knock on the door interrupted his giggling before it could turn into
hysterics. A quick look around the room… a quick straightening of his hair… a
deep breath… and Colin opened the door. "Hi, Ryan." "
Ryan entered the room nervously. His eyes took in the surroundings and then
came to rest on Colin. "So, what did the doc say?" Colin sucked on
the inside of his cheek and looked down. "
Ryan's legs gave out and he collapsed onto the bed. "AIDS?
Oh my God,
***
5-Mission: Impossible?
The expression on
his face was definitely one for the record books. Fear turned to shock, surprise, and confusion
before Ryan settled on the look that said, 'I can't believe you said that!'
"C'mon, what did
the doctor really say?" Colin just stood there and let his eyes do the
talking, and Ryan's face became confused again. "I'm pregnant." "There's no way,
definitely not a woman!"
"Look. I
don't understand everything myself. But evidently I'm built both ways ~ I've
got indoor and outdoor plumbing. And when we... and
you didn't use... I, ah... I'm about two months pregnant. Not food poisoning,
not flu, not mono, not AIDS, pregnant. I don't know how... hell, I know how!
But I don't know why or what made this one time be the one that 'caught'."
He sat down on the bed next to his best friend and pressed Ryan's hand against
his belly. "I always knew you were stronger than you look, Big Wing Boy.
But I had no idea how strong! We're having a baby, Ryan. It's as simple and as
complicated as that."
"What are we going to do now?"
Colin looked up. "What do you mean? If I'm meant to have a baby, I'm going
to have this baby! And nobody is going to keep me from having it!" Ryan
shook his head. "If it is a baby, how is it going to come out? And who's
going to give you prenatal care ~ and how long do you think that you can keep
the press from hearing about this?
Colin stood up and began pacing. "Of course it can't be happening! Logically, it's an
impossibility... but it has happened!" He ran his fingers through
what was left of his hair. "I've got a doctor. And the studio attorneys
can make sure that I... we're protected. I intend to continue doing the show as
long as the doctor says I can." "But Col..." "Hell, I can
wear baggy shirts, and I'd even shave my head completely to give them something
else to think about." "And when the baby does come, then what? What
does Deb say?" The Canadian stopped pacing and stood looking down at Ryan.
"She threw me out, Ry. And she knows that we... that you..."
"Are you out of your mind? She knows that we... how many times?" His
famous deer-in-the-headlights look greeted Colin. "She won't tell Tricia,
will she?
and Mac to think about!"
***
6-Help!
(Now I know how
'the other woman' feels! I feel so dirty... and this is turning into an episode
of a bad talk show!) "Ryan, look at me." He grabbed the curly hair above Ryan's ears
and held his head still. "I'm not
about to break up your marriage. I've already lost Luke ~ you think I want you
to lose your kids, too? But we're going to have a kid as well. And I want you
to be there for her... or him. Okay?
It's as simple as that." As he released Ryan's head, Colin sat down
heavily. "I'm scared, Ry. Don't make me go through this alone ~ I don't
know if I could handle it. Don't turn away from me, please!"
He buried his face into Ryan’s shoulder, trembling, and nestled in with a sob
as an arm wrapped around his shoulder. "I won't let you go through this
alone, Col. I promise. But we've got to get you in to see the studio lawyers as
soon as possible. Get the process started to protect your privacy - and sue the
ass off anyone who even tries to snoop. And then we'll need to make an
appointment with your doctors... I want to hear what they have to say about
this whole situation!" There was a
pause. "And figure out how much to tell Dan, Drew, and the others..."
The next few days were spent in a whirlwind of activity. There were doctors to
see (and to convince that this was in fact, a male pregnancy), attorneys to
meet, shopping... Colin didn't expect Ryan to be there every step of the way,
but was grateful for any support. He hadn't told Pat everything - just that
Colin was having a rough time of it physically and mentally, so she didn't ask
too many questions. Dr. Steinway
submitted a note to the studio that stated that Colin would be undergoing
treatments for a non life-threatening disorder. It also said that these treatments should
not infringe on his ability to perform his job, but as treatments progressed he
should be allowed to curtail excessively physical activities. "That would
include 'Instant Replay' ~ I've seen how physical you get when trying to
upstage Wayne Brady!"
***
7-A Little
Help From My Friends
"Good
evening everyone, and welcome to "Whose Line is it, Anyway?" Tonight's performers: `Give Heinz a Squeeze…
Greg Proops'! `Nothin' Says Lovin like… Wayne Brady'!
`Choosy Mothers Choose… Colin Mochrie'! And `Plop, plop, fizz, fizz… Ryan
Stiles'! And me? I'm Drew Carey, so let's get this
show going!" There were murmurs of surprise as the camera focused on
Colin. Instead of his usual blonde fringe, his head was completely bald except
for his eyebrows. Three months had passed since he'd found out he was pregnant
and it was starting to show. Wardrobe had never given him form-fitting shirts,
but the one he had on was a larger version of one of the Hawaiian ones from last
season. It made him look like he'd lost weight, and the fans never noticed the
little `pooch' at his waist.
"Hey, Colin… what's with the un-do?" Drew had seen the looks the
audience had been throwing at the stage. "I got tired of seeing it slowly
retreat and decided to get it over with." He rubbed a hand against the
side of his head and smiled. "Besides, this way I don't get hair yanked
out with spirit gum when I `dress up' on 22. Much easier this
way!" There was a smattering of giggles from the crowd.
"That's right, folks – you can see Colin on `This Hour Has 22 Minutes' if
you get the Canadian channels." Greg leaned over and winked. "Did you
have to wear that Phil Donohue wig for Viagra Man?" He shuddered. "I
had nightmares about that for a week!" More guffaws from the audience
before things settled down for the taping.
"Tonight's winners are Colin and Greg, and we're going to do `Helping
Hands'. Greg, you're going to be Colin's hands, and the scene is…"
"The scene is," Ryan read the card. "Drew has come to Colin to
get a special floral arrangement for his girlfriend." The scene played out
with surprising success. Greg was a good match in height for Colin, and the
Canadian's wit was as sparkling as ever. Where Ryan could be a little cruel to
Drew, Colin played more off his `Dilbert' side with good-natured tweaking. Near
the end of the game, Greg had crossed his hands over Colin's belly. His hands
flew into the air abruptly causing Colin to interject a rather odd comment.
Mercifully, the buzzer rang at that moment. The cameraman caught Colin's
surprised look and Greg… well, if truth were told; Greg was looking a little
green.
*****
8-Suspicious Minds
Colin was
removing the last of the stage makeup when Greg came into his dressing room. He
was almost unrecognizable in jeans, ball cap, polo shirt and sunglasses – his
protection when he didn't want to attract attention was the fact he was never
photographed without a suit. "Um… Colin?" Greg still looked a little
greenish, and he had to swallow before continuing. "When I crossed my arms
over your gut something happened. You aren't hiding small animals in your
clothing, are you? Because if you aren't, there's something
wrong here. Really, really, really wrong!"
(So how do I tell him what's going on? <* flutter *> I know, kiddo –
things are getting pretty tight in there, huh? Just hang in there for a couple
more months, ok?) Just then Ryan came through the door. "
"Ryan, maybe you could answer a question for me… How long has Colin been
carrying small animals inside his shirts? And if he's not smuggling animals,
how long has he been harboring an alien?" Greg
looked between the two friends with one eyebrow raised. "Because something
decided I was a little too close and forcibly moved my hand!"
Two sets of brown eyes gazed into Ryan's. Greg watched as some form of
telepathy took place between two of his oldest friends. It never failed to
amaze him how well they had `clicked' together… and a twinge of jealousy showed
how much it still hurt. After all, he’d worked with Ryan as closely as Colin,
(heck, he'd been strapped to Ryan's bottom for "Hands" first!) but
they never formed that special bond. Colin sucked on his cheek, lowered his
eyes and nodded slightly.
"Greg…" Ryan cleared his throat, "Colin's pregnant." Greg's
eyebrows met his hairline and his giggle ran up and down the scale.
"Suuuuuure he is! And pigs have wings, and Clive is really my father from
an alternate universe, and…" His voice trailed off as Colin stood and
began unbuttoning his shirt. "
"Ry, he's our friend, and he deserves to know the truth." The shirt
slipped off his shoulders as he opened it. From the neck to mid-chest, there
was no difference from the way he normally appeared. Greg's eyes went lower. Colin's pants didn't
have a fly – the front appeared to be some kind of stretchy material. As he
pushed them down slightly, Greg gasped, "Holy shit!" Colin's stomach
was strangely rounded. It wasn't a beer belly ~ the skin was pulled tight over
the bulge, and as he watched, something rippled beneath the surface.
"Y-you… your…? Ngahr…" Greg's eyes rolled up
and he hit the floor in a dead faint.
*****
9-Getting to
Know You…
"I told you he wasn't ready for this!" Ryan dropped down to the floor
and rolled Greg onto his back. "Get a pillow off the couch, ok?"
Colin shrugged his shirt back on and buttoned it up, stopping to rub `Sprout'
for reassurance before tossing Ryan a pillow. "Put it under his feet, Ry.
We need to get the blood back
to his head." "You don't have to remind me – I was a Boy Scout, too,
you know!" They both sat and waited for Greg to regain consciousness.
"Are you all right,
"Here. She's really getting feisty. Put your hand right… there!" (He
really has the most beautiful eyes, Sprout. And I really hope that you have his
eyes… and his hair, too, you don't want mine that's
for sure!) <* flutter * KICK! *> Those wonderful green eyes got wider in
surprise. "Wow!"
(Moan) As Greg's eyes fluttered open, he saw the other two sitting forehead to
forehead. Ryan's hands were on Colin's belly.
Had he been dreaming? Greg's eyes almost bugged out as Ryan bent down
and kissed the bulge. Yeah, he had to be dreaming… because the next thing he
heard was, "Hey kiddo, Daddy's here! And Daddy loves you!" He looked
up and smiled. "
my hair."
"Y-you weren't kidding, were you? Guys, tell me this is some kind of a
joke?" Two pair of eyes looked back at him, and two hands were
outstretched to pull him closer. "Go on, put your hand back there – she
won't bite!" Colin smiled as he watched the confusion fade away.
"Sprout, this is Greg. Come on, honey, say hi!" <* Flutter * poke * > "Whoa! You
mean this is really for real?" <* flutter* > Suddenly Greg looked
like a little kid that had just seen all his presents on Christmas morning.
"Hey, it… she likes me!" <* floooob *>
"Greg, would you do us the honor of being her godfather? After all, you're our oldest friend,
and…" If anyone had looked into the room they would have seen three
40-something men hanging onto
each other crying and laughing at the same time.
*****
10- So Hard to
Say Goodbye to Yesterday
The next day, Ryan slipped into Colin's trailer. He'd knocked and there wasn't an answer… not uncommon these days, the poor Canuck
was spending more time catnapping as the pregnancy put more of a strain on his
reserves. As he opened the door, an unexpected sound greeted him – deep,
heart wrenching sobs. He ran toward the sound. "Colin?"
Colin was sitting on the bed surrounded by photo albums with a paper clutched
in his hands. Ryan whispered "
Colin,
I think it's best that you don't see Luke until after the baby is born. I don't
want him confused, and I know you don't want him to have problems with the
other kids. I wish things could have been different, wish this had never
happened, but wishes don't come true anymore. Knights in shining armor are only
found in fairy tales, and it hurts like hell to have to admit this.
By citing infidelity as the reason for the divorce I'm giving you an `out'.
There's no reason to hurt the little one you're carrying, it's as innocent of
all this as Luke is. Please,
I'm not doing this to hurt you, Col. I loved you so much it hurt. God knows, I don't hate you; no matter what,
I want you to know I could never hate you! We did some good things together,
Mooman. Take care of yourself. And
remember that Luke will be waiting to see his daddy (and his new half-brother
or sister) when things get straightened out.
It's for the best.
Deb
After reading the note, Ryan took his friend in his
arms and rocked him. "Mooman? Like Mr. Moo?"
Colin sniffled before replying. "It's what Luke called the man in the moon
when he was little. I showed him how the full moon looks like it's smiling, and
we used to say goodnight to Mooman before I'd turn off his light." He wiped his eyes roughly. "Dammit,
Ryan, it hurts. It hurts like hell! But I can't fault her reasoning on this.
And she's not going to turn Luke against me… I should be grateful…" As he
buried his face in Ryan's chest he didn't notice the silent tears that were
forming in Ryan's eyes. All that mattered was that someone understood. Someone
was there. And he wasn't alone.
*****
11- Lullaby
and Goodnight…
It had been seven months. Seven aching, bizarre, wonderful,
loooong months. Colin sighed as he looked in the mirror. (God, I look
like a blimp! And now that I'm not working, I'm bored, too! Fat,
bored and stupid.) His back hurt, his feet hurt… even `Mr. Tricky' hurt
because of the pressure put on his body by the baby. She'd been getting bigger
and more active every day – make that every night. This kid was definitely a night owl who had
taken up disco dancing and partying when Colin was trying to get a little
sleep. (C'mon, Sprout… Can't you let me get a little rest?) Colin's doctors
were pleased with the progress he'd made and were hopeful that he could carry
to term. Of course a caesarean would be necessary, and recovery time after
that…
"No, the crib goes by the window – I want her to be able to look out at
the sky at night. And the dressing table goes over by the closet… Don't scratch
the paint! Those murals took a month to get just right!" "Take it
easy, `Mom' – we'll be careful! Jeeze, who woulda thought you
could be so fussy!" Drew kidded gently. The whole concept of a male
pregnancy wasn't that strange – hadn't they given Diedrich `man boobs' for a
couple of episodes on his show? (At least Colin hadn't grown boobs – that would
have been too freaky even for Drew to visualize!)
Greg's real estate agent had found the small bungalow, and everyone had a hand
in getting it ready for the show's `improv-ment'. It was perfect – nice
neighborhood, good schools, close to the studio, but far enough away that their
privacy was guaranteed. The house was fast becoming a place for the guys to
hang out after taping. Brad helped to decorate and had done a wonderful job on
the baby's room. Rolling hills occupied
three walls with a forest full of magical animals; a castle covered the fourth
– complete with a princess looking out a turret window and a dragon blowing
smoke rings. The ceiling was done like the sky, complete with constellations and
a moon that glowed in the dark.
Colin winced as the baby kicked hard. (She shoots, she scores!) "C'mere,
*****
12- Silence is
Golden
"Man, he looks like he hasn't gotten much rest lately! How much longer are
they gonna let him hang like this?" Drew pinched the bridge of his nose
and shook his head. Brad had his head stuck in the fridge getting a can of pop
as he said, "If he gets any bigger he's liable to explode!" As he
closed the fridge Brad turned and looked at everyone's disgusted expressions.
"What? What'd I say? Oh for Pete's
sake! It was only an expression!"
"I'm just glad that Colin didn't hear you say that! He's been so emotional
lately; between the pressure of the baby, the weight gain and the raging
hormones he's a wreck." Ryan carefully lowered himself onto a chair and
shook his head. "I don't know how much longer I can take it. It's like
having two wives, and Trish is beginning to wonder why I'm spending so much
time with him! And the doc says he's got at least a month to go yet…"
"At least a month?" Never one for subtle gestures, Drew had managed
to do a spit take with his ice tea. Greg snagged a towel from the sink and
tossed it at him. "Way to go – maybe we should have you
play Super Heroes one day, huh, Herr Shpritzer?" He slipped into a German
accent and continued. "Ve haf vays of makink you pay… und you vill enchoy
it! * Ow! *" The dish towel whipped across the table and thwapped him
sharply on the arm. "Will you two behave, for crying out loud?" Ryan
hissed, "The first person to wake Colin will find out what it feels like
to be a ventriloquist's dummy with something rammed up their butt!" The
room suddenly got a lot quieter.
*****
13- Overture,
Curtain, Lights…
<Groan> There wasn't a position standing, sitting, or lying down that was
comfortable. It was hard to get up from a sitting position, hard to sit down on
anything that was low… (I thought it was funny when Lucy had problems getting
up to answer the phone, but as God is my witness I swear I'll never laugh at
that episode again!) The little night owl was getting cranky, too – things were
so tight inside that every time she moved something else got shoved out of the
way. She'd taken to sitting on his
bladder like a footstool – and Colin was spending a lot of time in the
bathroom. She'd also taken up drinking. Rhythmic shudders went through his
belly whenever she got the hiccups. (Kid, Greg is your godfather – not your
role model! And if you start smoking in there, I am really going to get
pissed!)
"Congratulations, Mr. Mochrie, you've made it. At eight and a half months,
the baby is definitely large enough to survive on her own. Let's go ahead and schedule you for that
c-section, shall we?" Colin
swallowed hard and clutched Ryan's hand before nodding. Now that the day was
near, he was terrified. What if he didn't wake up? What if something happened
to the baby? Ryan placed his other hand over
Colin's. "How long will the operation take, doc?" The obstetrician and surgeons looked at each
other and conferred. "Because we haven't a model to base things on, we're
assuming the delivery will take about four hours. Unfortunately, we don't know
what we'll find in there, so we will have to take things
as they come up. Low estimate will be four hours, high estimate? Eight. This
pregnancy has proceeded in an almost textbook manner, and we're confident that
the delivery will be the same."
The obstetrician,
noticing how the two men were clutching each other's hands asked, "Do you
want to be in the delivery room?" Ryan turned green and shook his head
emphatically. "Sorry,
Colin smiled wanly and patted his hand. "I intend to be out for the count
myself. I hope that Greg or Drew will be able to stay with you for company; we
can't have you puffing and pacing the halls. He turned back to the doctors.
"Okay, let's get this set up…"
*****
14- You Better
Get Ready
(This is it. It’s show time, Sprout. Hope you're ready…) Colin rubbed his belly
once and smiled at the crowd from his hospital bed. "No need to look so worried, guys! And we'll soon have an answer to whose hair
did she inherit, anyway!" Things quieted down as an orderly came in to do
the prep work of shaving Colin's chest and belly. He'd been told that the
patient had a fast growing tumor, and from the size of it, things didn't look
good for the poor guy. "Good luck, buddy,” he said as he packed up the
basin and razor. "Um… thanks…" As the door closed, Greg raised an
eyebrow and looked at Colin. "Wonder what he'd been told was going
on!"
Drew lightly patted Colin on the arm. "Don't worry, Mr. Moo. We'll look
after Big Bird for you – you just let the docs take care of everything and
we'll catch up with you later." As he left, Brad stepped forward with a
little present. "Just a little something she's going to need…" Ryan lifted
the lid off the box, and inside were a baby bonnet and
crocheted booties. Both were decorated with delicate embroidered flowers.
"I've given up smoking because of the baby, and…" he blushed. "This was the only way to keep something in my hands
and not in my mouth!" He ran out of the room quickly.
Greg smiled and brought out another package. "Brad's not the only one
whose been trying to quit smoking for the kidlet." Inside the package was
a baby quilt with fanciful animals appliquéd on
it. A dinosaur was reading a book while
a giraffe leaned over his shoulder to look at the pages. A monkey and a yellow
dog were playing with a Frisbee, and a small spotted cat was sharing a picnic
lunch of fish with a panther. A rainbow streaked across the sky above them to
disappear into clouds on either side. Colin and Ryan both `oohed' over the
details. "And if you ever tell anyone outside this room who
made this I will deny it!" He leaned over for a quick hug, and whispered
"Later, dudes!" before he left as well.
A nurse came in to insert an IV, and both Ryan and Colin looked away. "The
anesthesiologist will be in shortly to give you the first shot to relax you,
and you'll be in the operating room in about an hour." She smiled at both
of them. "You'll be fine." She placed a paper cap on Colin's head. He
looked much younger with the cap on, and his eyes were wide and anxious.
"Really, you'll be fine!"
After she left, the anesthesiologist came in. He injected the relaxant into the
IV and stayed to talk with Colin and Ryan. "I still have a hard time
believing this is real, but the proof is here." He shook his head with a
wry smile. "The relaxant won't hurt the baby, and should start making you
drowsy very soon. I'll be monitoring both of you quite closely in the operating
room." He placed a band just below Colin's belly. "This will let me
keep track of the baby's heartbeat. Here…" He flipped a switch and the
sound of a galloping rhythm filled the room. "That's…?" "A nice, healthy heartbeat." He turned the volume
down, checked Colin's pulse once more and left.
"Ryan, I'm… scared." He swallowed heavily, and felt his eyelids
flutter. "What if…?" Ryan leaned over and gently brushed his fingers
across Colin's forehead. "Shhhhh… nothing is going to happen. The doctors
have everything under control." He stroked Colin's arm soothingly and
hummed softly. Colin opened one eye. "Do you really think humming `Havin'
My Baby' is going to relax me?" "Just wanted to see if you were
paying attention,
**
15-The Waiting
Game
(Waiting. God,
I hate waiting!) He paced up and down
the corridor with a sucker gripped between tight lips. The others nervously watched as Ryan turned
into a caged werewolf. “Jeeze, calm down, man!” Drew called out. He knew better than to touch Ryan in that
mood. Once he reached that stage he’d
swing a fist first and apologize later.
Only Colin could ease him out of that kind of funk without getting
hurt. And right now… Drew anxiously
looked at his watch. Colin had only been
under for a couple of hours.
“Excuse me,
sir?” Ryan stopped dead in his tracks as
a nurse approached. The sucker dropped
unnoticed to the carpet. “Is anything
wrong? He’s okay, isn’t he? God… don’t tell me he’s d…” The nurse held a little envelope and a paper
cup of water on a tray. “Sir, the
resident on call asked me to give you this.
You’re disturbing the patients.
Dr. Mata has prescribed a mild tranquilizer – just to ease your
anxiety.” She held the tray to
Ryan. “I’m sure that everything is going
to be just fine.”
Ryan took the cup
and the packet. He looked at the packet…
the nurse… the packet… and then wheeled and looked at the occupants of the
waiting room’s couch. Drew had his hands
over his mouth, Brad had his eyes covered, and Greg had both eyebrows raised
and his hands covering his ears. Ryan’s
eyebrows came together in a scowl that didn’t last long. With a sigh, he nodded, winced, and swallowed
the contents of the packet with the water.
The nurse nodded and hurried back to the tranquility of the central
desk.
“Sorry guys… it’s
just…” he shrugged and limped to the easy chair facing the couch. “Forget about it dude,” Greg sighed. “We’re worried, too.” Drew scrubbed a hand across his
forehead. “Well, maybe not ‘worried’
but… ah hell, yeah, worried just about covers it.” Brad nodded silently before picking up his
crochet hook and yarn. He had started a tiny
sweater to go with the booties. Three
hours down, heaven only knows how many to go.
***
16-Just Call
Me Angel
Eight hours. The sun was long gone, and the hospital had
settled down for the night. Greg was
snoring gently; Brad had finished crocheting the sweater and was adding
embroidered flowers. Drew was half
reading, half dozing. The tranquilizer
had taken hold and Ryan was sitting fairly peacefully. His eyelids drifted closed as his thoughts
kept coming back to Colin and what was going on in the operating room. (Colin…)
“Ahem…” A doctor
in rumpled scrubs approached. “Mr.
Stiles?” Ryan’s eyes flew open as he
vaulted out of the chair. The doctor
rubbed his eyes tiredly. “I have some
good news and some bad news for you. Mr.
Mochrie is the proud father of a seven pound eleven ounce baby girl. The baby is fine, but…” Ryan sat down
heavily. “The mother, Allison Lee
Everett, did not survive the birth.”
Drew, Greg and Brad looked at each other worriedly. “Tragic, really, as Mr. Mochrie was
undergoing surgery at the same time.”
“Doc, is he…?” Ryan looked up
anxiously. The doctor smiled. “The operation to remove the tumor was a
success, and it was benign. He’s in
recovery right now. It will be about an
hour or so before he is moved back to his room, and at
least another hour after that before he can have any visitors. The baby will be moved to the nursery
shortly, if you would like to see her.”
He shook hands with each of them before murmuring, “Please extend my
condolences to Mr. Mochrie” and departing.
Four very
confused men watched him leave before looking at each other. Drew cleared his throat before saying,
“Allison…” Ryan whispered “Lee…” Brad looked at Greg in confusion that cleared
up as Greg tapped his chest and said “
***
17-Thank
Heaven For Little Girls
The hospital
nursery window was crowded as all four men stood shoulder to shoulder. Four pairs of eyes scanned the little
isolettes looking for the one they’d come to know over the last nine months. “You think that’s her?” “Are you kidding? Red hair?” “Well, what about…?” “In a blue blanket?” A nurse looked up and came over to the
window. “Name?” Ryan looked confusedly at the others. Drew wrapped an arm around Ryan’s shoulders. “Everett-Mochrie?
You’ll have to excuse him – he’s not awake yet.” The nurse smiled sympathetically.
An isolette was
wheeled up to the window with a small, pink-wrapped bundle inside. “Could you…?
May we…?” The nurse nodded and
picked up the little bundle and took off the pink cap before holding her up to
the window. Four grown men fell in love
instantaneously. Brad giggled, “She
doesn’t have Colin’s hair, that’s for sure!” as they saw the blonde curls. The baby stirred restlessly and opened her
eyes. Fuzzy brown eyes looked seriously
at each of the men before her. Ryan
stood with tears running unnoticed down his cheeks as he whispered, “She’s got
his eyes…” Greg smiled as the nurse replaced the cap and set the baby back into
the isolette. “She’s beautiful!”
“She’s so
tiny!” Brad watched as their newest
improviser was wheeled back into line.
Who would have thought that she’d be so tiny? Especially when Colin had looked so big! He pulled Ryan into a clumsy bear hug and
whispered into his ear. “You okay with
Colin being listed as daddy? She does
look like you.” Ryan nodded. “We know the truth – and that’s what matters. Besides, she deserves as normal a life as we
can give her.”
18-Dream a
Little Dream of Me
They were
clustered outside the door to Colin’s hospital room as the doctor came
out. “He’s still a little groggy, and he
may drift in and out” the doctor warned.
“Doc, he’s going to be all right, isn’t he? There weren’t any complications?” The doctor smiled a little sadly at
Ryan. “We had to remove the ‘extra’
organs during the delivery. He won’t be
able to conceive again. But this way he
won’t have problems with them later in life.
It was for the best.” He opened
the door and waved them in. “You can see
him now.”
The room was dimly
lit, but they could see clearly. Colin
was lying on the bed with the covers tucked snugly around his now flat
stomach. Without the baby, he looked
small and so vulnerable. Ryan moved
closer to the bed and held Colin’s hand.
“
“Didja see?” Greg leaned over and patted Colin’s knee
gently. “She’s beautiful, Colin. Ryan’s hair and your eyes.” Colin slowly opened his eyes and gazed
blurrily at the four men. Brad
smiled. “She definitely has your eyes,
poppa! Or you have hers right now!” Tired eyes closed slowly. “Thas ni…”
Drew cleared his throat softly.
“We better let you get some rest.”
Ryan started to release Colin’s hand, but stopped when Colin murmured
“Shtay, Ry?”
Ryan sat down
next to the bed as the others left the room.
Colin still hadn’t let go of his hand, even though it looked like he’d
fallen asleep again. As Ryan shifted to
get into a more comfortable position, Colin winced. “You need the nurse,
“Sore all
over. It’s done? She’s here?
Oh… thas right… all done.” He
giggled sleepily. “Lil girl, huh? How big?”
Ryan stroked his arm and whispered, “Seven-eleven and twenty one
inches.” “Ooh… seb-lebben an twenny
one? Need go ta Vegas cause she’s good
luck!” Ryan tapped him lightly on the
nose and said, “Never mind that right now, you need to rest.” Another sleepy giggle, and “Yes, Daddy!”
changed to gently purring snores.
Ryan slowly eased
his hand from under Colin’s and sat back in the darkness. When he was sure that Colin wouldn’t wake up
again, he quietly crept out of the room for a little much needed rest of his
own.
***
19-It’s
Another Day…
It was around
Ryan didn’t seem
able to speak – his mouth opened and shut several times like a fish. “Um, Miss?
We were looking for our friend, Colin… Colin Mochrie?” Drew smiled at the orderly and shrugged. “He appears to be missing…”
After looking at
the chart at the end of the bed, the orderly smiled. “Oh! The
new father!” Her face turned
serious. “All the orderlies and nurses
are talking about it. Really, it’s so
sad – to have to undergo serious surgery himself, become a father and lose the
baby’s mother all in the same day… But Mr. Mochrie is doing well, and he’s
probably in the nursery right now.” The
feeling of relief was palpable as every man exhaled at once. “That’s the best news we’ve had today!” Brad hugged the bemused orderly before
following the others out of the room.
When they arrived
at the nursery, there was a small crowd clustered around an open doorway. “What the?”
A nurse put her finger to her lips and made room for them. Colin was sitting in a rocking chair with his
back to the door. As he rocked he was
singing softly.
“You are my
sunshine, my only sunshine,
You make me happy
when skies are gray,
You’ll never
know, dear, how much I love you
Please don’t take
my sunshine away.
“Hushabye, don’t
you cry, go to sleep my little baby…
When you wake,
you shall ride all the pretty little horsies…
Black and bay,
dapple and gray,
Oh, such pretty
little horsies!
“Sweet dreams
‘til sunbeams find you,
Sweet dreams and
leave all worries far behind you.
But in your
dreams, whatever they be,
Dream a little
dream of me.
“Say nighty-night
and kiss me,
Say nighty-night
and tell me you’ll miss me.
While I’m alone
and blue as can be,
Dream a little
dream of me.”
Colin’s voice had
a warmth and gentleness to it that they had never heard before. Sure, they knew he could sing (they all could
– but some were shyer about it than others, and Colin was the shyest of all)
but the little snippets he was singing to his daughter carried all the love his
heart could hold. When he began humming
instead of singing the nurses slowly faded away, leaving just the guys
behind. Drew gently nudged Ryan
forward. As he stepped through the
doorway, Drew, Greg and Brad slowly moved away.
Now wasn’t the time for socializing, it was time for Ryan to meet his
daughter in person.
***
20-Hello, I
Love You, Won’t You Tell Me Your Name?
Colin had just
put the bottle down as Ryan crossed the threshold. He smiled.
“She just finished. Want to hold
her?” As Colin passed the baby to him,
Ryan couldn’t help but marvel at how tiny and perfect she really was. She fit easily into both of his hands. “I can’t get over how small she is – I
thought that Mac was tiny at nine pounds!”
He sat down in a rocking chair across from Colin and watched their
daughter sleep. “Have you thought about
a name, yet?”
“I’ve always
liked the name Amanda. Even before Star
Trek.” He smiled. “It means ‘beloved’… and she’s never going to
be without love. For her middle name, I
was thinking…” Colin looked into Ryan’s eyes with an expression that was proud,
fierce, and vulnerable all at once. “I
want her to have a part of your name. So
I was thinking of Rhiannon. Amanda Rhiannon
Mochrie.”
“Amanda… Rhiannon… Mochrie. ” Ryan looked
down at the little bundle resting so peacefully in his arms. She’d managed to wriggle an arm free of the
blankets and now had a tiny fist wrapped around his little finger. Ryan watched as she frowned, stirred, and
settled back into dreams. “It… it’s
perfect, Col. She’s perfect.
Amanda…”
Colin looked at
the two of them and smiled. “Who would
have ever believed this could happen, huh?
But you know something, Ry? I’d
do it all over again. All of it.” Two pair of eyes met, locked, and melted
together. They both knew things wouldn’t
always be this peaceful. Sooner or later
reality would intrude; but for now, all that mattered was in this small
room.
A radio was
turned on in another room. Whoever was
listening to it had tuned in to an oldies station. Ryan listened for a moment and smiled. He began to softly sing along.
“They say we’re
young and we don’t know,
Won’t find out
until we’re old…
Now I don’t know
if all that’s true,
But you’ve got
me, and baby, I’ve got you…
Babe, I’ve got
you babe,
I’ve got
y…eeeewwwwwwww!”
The picture
perfect moment became a ‘funniest video’ moment. Ryan’s eyes watered, and his nose wrinkled up
like an irate Pekinese. When he could
see again, he looked down into Amanda’s now open eyes. “Kid, couldn’t you find a less aromatic way
of saying you don’t like Sonny and Cher?
I know it wasn't my singing! Was it?"
The baby looked up into his eyes, stretched, and let out a soft and
pungent 'pfffffffft'.
Colin couldn't help it ~ he started
giggling. Ryan looked up, scowling. "Sheesh, everyone’s a critic!” Between giggles Colin blurted out,
"Well... well, you * did * ask for her opinion!" The scowl didn't last, and soon he was
laughing along.
As he tried to hand Amanda back to Colin,
a wagging finger stopped him. "Oh,
no you don't! Whoever is holding her
when she needs a diaper gets the 'honors' - and this time, * YOU'VE * got the
babe!"