Contemplation
by
Jessica H.
He had always pondered his
reasoning. Why was he here? Weekend after weekend of lying to his wife, sneaking
around, keeping all of this secret. What was the point? To be with a man. A man
whom he loved dearly. Yes, he really did love him, he supposed, but was he
worth possibly losing his wife and son?
Luke. Just his name made
Colin smile. His son was getting to be a feisty teenager, getting his first
crush and all of that. Was Ryan really worth losing his son? Wouldn't it be simpler to
stay with the family he had? Safer? No risk there...and he did love
his son. Loved Deb too, when he got right down to it.
But...not like Ryan.
He supposed that Ryan might
be worth it. Someone had once told him that you had to pursue true love, no
matter what sacrifices you had to make along the way. Who had told him that? Oh
yes, Ryan.
Colin knew that Ryan had
sacrificed a lot. His wife, his two kids, his home in Washington. All taken
away because he wanted to pursue true love. And Colin knew that it had hurt him to do it. He had
seen the pain in Ryan's eyes when he spoke of the children he now rarely got
to see, or the wife that would probably never forgive him. Sometimes
he felt guilty, like he was responsible for making Ryan lose so much, even
though he knew it had been Ryan's choice.
“Was it worth it?” Colin had
asked him once after an extremely passionate night together. They were laying curled
together, limbs pleasantly tangled, feeling sleepy and sated.
“It was. I’m here with you,
aren’t I?” Ryan had
replied, his green eyes filled with adoration. But wasn't there
always that flicker of sadness too? That knowledge of all he had
given up for his precious love?
Now Colin was wondering if
Ryan was worth it. It was a true measure of what he meant to the other man, and it made
Colin feel...cherished. The question now
was:
Was he ready to do the same?
Was
he ready to give it all up for Ryan's warm touch, his laughing emerald eyes,
his deep voice rumbling against Colin's chest as they talked of
everything and nothing, snuggled together after making love? Automatically, his mind answered for him. Yes, of
course he was. Ryan was worth everything.
The End