Dancing
On Air
by Bonnie H.
When their hands met, he flew. He felt his body
lift off the ground as he twirled him round and
round. It was a game they played. Who could spin
who faster was the whole purpose. But when they
got older, he felt new, different sensations. He
was raised in a society, a society where
homosexuality was the unholiest
sin you could
commit. He risked losing his entire livelihood,
his friends, his family, and everything else he
held dear. So he buried the feelings deep down,
and never thought they'd come back. but
they
haunted him. He got married to a beautiful woman
he had introduced to him, her name was Deborah
McGrath, and she made him happy. That was
important, but he didn't get the same feeling he
got when that man grabbed his hands and spun him
around. He loved Deborah, that was sure enough,
but it wasn't passionate. He didn't heat up when
she looked at him, he didn't feel suddenly like
a
horny teenage boy when she looked at him. But
when he remembered those days when they played
together, his whole body got warm. It was like a
reminder for everything he had given up for the
sake of his reputation. He regretted his
decision, but he'd rectify it, he'd tell that man
how he made him feel and what he planned to do.
Could he really though? Give up the life he had
worked so hard to achieve, throw it all away
because of a feeling he felt long ago. But what
if it was gone? Could he really go up to that
special man and ask him to dance with him, twirl
him around to see if it was still there. That
same feeling of nothing else, where it was only
them together, only their hands holding on to
each other as they whirled across the ground.
Could he ask though? Would it betray the
friendship he had held dear so long... or would
it bring a light back in his friends eye. It had
been gone for so long, that simple sparkle that
had always been there, and then one day it seemed
to fade away... and he knew what had caused it.
Hurtful words from a source whose only words
should be of love and trust. Shouting and
screaming where there should be love and
affection. His wife, the person who should care
the most had turned her back on this sweet man
who deserved nothing but love. His face reflected
deep sadness as he looked over at his wonderful,
kind, loving, and caring friend. What would he
have lost that could be more important than him
being with him?
***
"Ryan! Can I talk to you for a minute, in my
dressing room?" Colin called, walking onto
the
set of Whose Line is it Anyway. Drew quirked an
eyebrow at the two of them and Colin shot Drew a
back off look. Colin grabbed Ryan’s hand and led
him into the dressing room.
"What do ya
need
and locked the door.
"Hey Ry,
remember the game we used to play when
we were younger... you know the one where we'd
try and spin each other around?" Colin
asked.
Ryan’s eyes closed and a smile filled his face.
Memories danced in Ryan’s mind. Memories of Colin
and him grabbing each others hands and falling
dizzily on his front lawn. Them running after the
ice cream truck and the realizing that they
forgot the money. Happy days, days when he
wasn't
'The Father' or 'The Producer' or 'The Husband'.
Ryan opened his eyes.
"Yeah
looked at him, hope in his eyes. But hope for
what... he didn't know. Colin smiled again, this
time a nervous smile, like the next thing out of
his mouth would be really off the wall or
something.
"Can... can you still try
and... you know...
twirl me?" He said, his voice quiet, and sad like
he expected the worse. Ryan smiled again, this
time a shy, boyish, smile. One that spoke of
innocence and purity, and not the hell this man
had gone through.
"Sure, but my back might
protest a bit." He
smiled again, and he grabbed Colin’s hands in his.
He began spinning, slowly at first, and he
gradually picked up speed, and then Colin had
that feeling. The one that felt like he was
flying. He reveled in the sensation and he felt
himself stop. They looked in each other eyes.
Colin saw that light, that sparkle... and he
hugged his friend.
"I'm sorry it took me so long
to realize, I was
just... stupid I guess." Colin said after a
minute.
"No, "
Ryan said, stroking his cheek softly,
"you weren't stupid." Ryan kissed his friends
cheek. Colin hugged him one last time, and they
walked out of the dressing room together, a light
of understanding now in Colin’s eyes. How his
friendship meant so much to Ryan, and he didn't
even realize it.
***
Ryan and Colin walked into Colin’s house. Ryan
looked around.
"I'll put on some tea, you sit,
and then I'll
grab the scrapbook... okay?" Colin said,
Ryan
nodded and sat down on the couch. Colin walked
out of the room. Ryan looked around again and
saw
a silver covered notebook laying on the table.
Ryan picked it up and flipped through the pages.
There was only one page written on, the very back
one. In Colin’s handwriting it said:
This is dedicated to my best friend Ryan Lee Stiles.
When you took
my hands I felt myself fly.
You made everything better. I didn't
need to
cry.
You spun me around and the world
didn't matter.
Almost as if we were dancing on air.
And then all life was fair.
Just twirling
there.
Dancing on air.
With you.
When you held my hands my heart went
fast.
You made all the happy moments last.
The world was a blur when we spun
around.
Almost as if we were dancing on air.
And then all life was fair.
Just twirling
there.
Dancing on air.
With you.
A tear rolled
down Ryan's cheek as he finished
reading the poem. He heard Colin coming down the
stairs and he put the notebook down. Colin walked
in the room with two huge steaming mugs of tea
and a huge scrapbook. He set the cup down.
"Ryan? What’s wrong?"
Colin asked, his voice
alarmed.
"Nothing... I- I just read
that... poem you
wrote and... I... think.. " he couldn't finish
his sentences as he burst into a fresh wave of
tears. Colin sat down next to him and cradled
him.
"Don't cry... please don't cry.." Colin said
soothingly. Ryan smiled.
"It was so beautiful though.
Sorry... I didn't
mean to cry."
"Its
okay. I'm glad you liked it. I'm gonna have
it typed out and printed, so you can frame it."
Ryan smiled at Colin and kissed him on the cheek
again.
"Thank you so much... thank
you." Colin smiled
at Ryan and kissed him softly on the lips.
***
This kiss shocked Colin as much
as it did Ryan.
But he didn't pull away. He pulled him closer.
And the kiss deepened. Colin’s hand slid up around
Ryan’s neck and Ryan’s arms encircled his waist.
They separated, gasping for breath. Colin
smiled.
"Wanna dance?" Colin asked
shyly. Ryan nodded
and stood up. He put a Bryan Adams single on, it
was Everything I Do.
Look into my eyes - you will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart - search your soul
And when you find me there you'll search no more
Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for
You know it's true Everything I do - I do it for
you
Look into my heart - you will find
There's nothin' there to hide
Take me as I am - take my life
I would give it all - I would sacrifice
Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for
I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more
Ya know it's true Everything
I do - I do it for
you
There's no love - like your love
And no other - could give more love
There's nowhere - unless you're there
All the time - all the way
Oh - you can't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more
I would fight for you - I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you - ya I'd die for you
Ya know it's true Everything
I do - I do it for
You.
Ryan smiled at
the meaning the song would have
for them. And what a lovely song it was to have
as your song, the song you thought of when
someone asked you what your favorite song is.
Ryan smiled and laid his head on Colin’s shoulder.
They danced in front of the huge picture window,
behind them, the sun sank low and painted the sky
a beautiful orange and purple.