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Tony's POV.
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Love knows
nothing. Not age, gender, nor race. It's a
feeling, a force. No one can stop it. It knows not what
"way" you
are. It knows nothing of human society's pickiness. It only knows
emotion, it knows sorrow, pain and hurt. It knows whom you love,
even
if you only admit it when you're alone, safe...when no one is
around. I
found this out. I fell in love with him. I didn't want to. I
couldn't
help myself. His eyes, his hands...everything. So beautiful. So
exquisite. Most people I know don't think as men as beautiful. I
usually don't. But he was. Oh gods he was. He actually wasn't
attractive by "normal" standards. He wore glasses and
he was slightly
overweight. But whose to say looks matter at all. I don't think
they
do. And by god...I won't let anyone sway me on that matter.
Truthfully,
they all thought I was insane when I told them. It made me
reluctant
to tell them anything. I still did. They were my friends after
all. I
can't believe I actually thought I could be so in love with him,
and
after he left, I'd forget about him. Now I realized how wrong I
was.
My every waking thought was plagued with him, I'd close my eyes
and
he'd be there. I could never stop thinking about him. No matter
how
hard I tried. I think it was his eyes. They were cold and
unfeeling,
almost inhuman. But, I fell deep and I never surfaced. I actually
don't think I wanted to. I can never get over him. So, I know
this. I
have to have him. Badly. Nobody has ever done this to me. I've
never
fallen this deep. My thoughts are on him. My mind is on him. I
sleep
and I dream of him...and me...together. Like nothing ever was.
Nobody
could pry us apart. I know he didn't feel the same. He was
married
when I last saw him. I think he still is...I hope he isn't. It'd
kill
me if he were. I don't know what I'd do. Kill myself probably.
Oh,
this is so painful. I feel the tears start to flow. My chest is
tight
and painful. Oh so painful. Death would be a greater escape. Even
being dead would be better than having to feel this pain, this
torture of not having his body near mine. It pains me that
I might
never see him again. He went to America, and now I'm here alone.
Oh,
alone. What a terrifying and horrible prospect. To leave this
world,
to go to death's cold grasp without anyone supporting me. The
thought
of being gripped by the cold hand of death isn't as terrifying as
the
thought of dying alone. In darkness. Sadness beyond belief.
Infinite
sadness. I remember the first time I felt truly alone. I was so
scared...
so cold. My heart has been blackened by the sickening prospect
of dying alone. I was terrified. So terrified. I don't think
anything
plagued me more than the dreams I had. The dreams of falling,
falling
into the blackness of a hole with no one to grab my hand and lift
me
up. Oh, so terrifying. I don't think I was scared of dying. It
was
the fear of being alone. The fear drove me to make fake friends
and
put on fake pretenses just to have someone, anyone. It was fake
though, empty. I knew this. I put on a face. A face I loathe. A
face
I've learned to despise. I am sickened by the fact that I can't
be
myself. So afraid of being alone. My one and only true love is
gone.
Oh, Greg, why did you go? Did you think I would forget? Did you
forget? I remember every night we shared together. All the times
we
sat there. Planning our destiny, knowing that we would always be
together. The fear of not being together and the fear of not
having
you. I'd lost most of my friends. I was withdrawn and
anti-social. My
thoughts are on you. Always on you...forever. I know what my
"friends"
thought. They thought I was crazy. It was understandable. Very
understandable. All I ever did was think about him. All I wanted
to
do was kiss him, touch him...be with him. They didn't understand.
Only
one person did. Paul. He loved a man...Mr. Sherwood, I believe.
But,
he moved on...it was lust. But I love him. More than life itself.
More
than anything there ever was or ever shall be. We vowed we'd
always
be together. Why did he break our vow? What did I do to deserve
this?? What did I do wrong? Did he ever really love me?